So yet again I faced the disappointment of a period although it was a blessing in disguise because the due date would have be when I was starting school! So thank you Lord for being gracious in that respect. But now that that has passed I feel like I need to hurry up and wait. I know I need to be patient and let God be in control but I have that creeping feeling that something is a little off.
Here we go on month #3 of trying. I got really discouraged when I got my last period and got a little depressed which I think was a combination of things but I was having a pity party cause it seems like everyone is having babies and I want one so bad. So we are continuing to try and hoping for a little one to be blessed to us.
I spotted a little last night without cramps and have stopped this morning. This never happens, I never spot and when I start my period it comes with killer cramps and niagra falls. I've been wicked moody and weepy and just out of sorts. I don't want to get my hopes up again but it's so hard not to have it on your mind when you want a baby!
Did some research and I picked a few herbs that I thought would do the most for me. So I am using an infusion of red raspberry, red clover, peppermint, nettle, and milk thistle. I am taking about 4 oz twice a day and taking evening primrose oil 3 times a day to improve mucus pH. The red raspberry and peppermint is for toning the uterus, nettle for nutrience and milk thistle for liver function.
Just finishing my period and I'm not liking how much discolored blood and clots i've had. I have often had this but now it is bothering me! I have read a lot that cramping and clots and discolored blood is a sign that you uterus isn't emptying all the way and there is stagnant blood.
I'm disappointed. More so than I thought I would be. I guess cause I had been off my pills a while and being 20 I was a little too confident that it would be a breeze and it would happen right away. But then the reasonable, non-baby hungry side of me realizes that this only happens for a small percentage of people and that there is nothing to worry about right now.
Breast activity is dying down although seems to happen most in the middle of the day. But it's a bit less intense. But Kyle and I were arguing last night and I starting cramping a bit. Kind of like a menstrual cramp but milder and just different. I knew I need to calm down because if I have a reaction like that there is a good possibility that I could have a passenger and stress isn't good.
So here goes nothing! I got my ovulation pain Sunday the 17th and I without a doubt ovulated! I was horny as all get out! Kyle couldn't get home fast enough! And of course we went at it like animals but it was also very intimate for us with conceiving a child in mind. So now yesterday I'm a little freaked out cause my nipples started hurting like crazy.
So i have been tracking my cycles since I stopped taking my pills and here is what I got so far:
5-24 stopped pills
5-26 - 5-30 period
6-10 felt ovulation pain
My fiance and I are getting married on October 2nd. I went off birth control 2 months ago (we aren't having sex until the wedding) so I have been relearning my cycles and they still haven't changed since before I went on the pill. 29 days and a 4-5 day period. With that information wouldn't you know that I would be ovulating on my honeymoon! We aren't "planning" a pregnancy but are going to put the timing in God's hands so we aren't going to exercise any birth control right now. We have been together for nearly 2 years and feel called to have a child soon. My fiance would like nothing better than to have a honeymoon baby. I would welcome a baby with open arms at any point in the near future. I do sometimes wonder how I will cope with a new baby while starting midwifery school, but if it is part of God's plan than He will provide what we need and give me the strength and patience.
So, anywho. I have these really great prenatal vitamins that are all organic and super high folic acid and other nutrience and.... they are disgusting!!!! I don't know who they think they would be fooling with "vanilla" flavor! I don't have a gag reflex (could stick a spoon to my trechia and nothing), but these make me gag. Once they are down the settle great and I feel great taking them, but oh my. Why do the things that are best for you go down hard! But they are the best so I will be miserable for a few seconds for a very healthy body and someday baby.
Some books that I have found I love are, The Natural Pregnancy Book by Aviva Jill Romm; Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin; Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin; Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent.
I try to eat mostly organic although I do tend to contradict my ways a few times a month with fast food. This is a habit I plan to break! But what can I say, I was raised a typical American. Although the adult me is turning out to want to go down a more pre-industrial revolution road as does my husband-to-be. He is excited to get to a point in our lives when we are nearly completely self sufficient. He also wants 5 children total (we have a 2 1/2 year old already, step child for me), so that means 4 on my part! This will not be my "first" pregnancy but it will probably be my first live when I concieve. I concieved last year and lost it because I was on the pill. In my gut I knew I was pregnant but everyone convinced me to continue my pills against my better judgment. It resulted in a very painful miscarriage both emotionally and physically. It tears at you knowing that you did something that made you lose a life so near to you.
I am excited to see that stick turn positive in the next 3 months- 1 year and I hope what ever life I am blessed to carry will be healthy because no matter what it will be wanted and loved. I will be glad to record things on here and keep anyone remotely interested posted. So until wedding night I will just be tracking my cycles then will will be on baby alert after that!