I was talking to my hubby a couple of nights ago and I told him that basically, I was going to be neurotic and paranoid for the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy and that everyone would just have to accept that that is the way things are. He sounded really surprised "But why?" So now it was my turn to sound surprised (how could he not know why?!?!?) so there was a touch of sarcasm in my answer.
Well, I thought that I was through the worst of the morning sickness....but I have been proven wrong! The last few days have left me able to do very little except lie around, sleep and catch up on my xmas reading.
Feeling horribly guilty for my in-action but I'm still terribly happy to be pregnant even if it is tough right now. I'm reasoning that it won't last for ever, and at the very most I shouldn't be this sick for more than a few days, before things start to ease off.
Well yesterday I had my first Prenatal appointment so that was pretty exciting! My Doc. put me down as being 9 weeks pregnant which was 1/2 a week more than I was thinking. She asked me to come back in a couple of weeks so that she could listen for the heart beat. Her comment was "If we can hear the heart beat, then you'll be fine." I really like her, not only is she a great obstratition/GP but she is a mother of two young kids and has experienced 2 miscarriages. She talks from experience.
Our story, is probably not too rare.
My husband and I were married 2 1/2 years ago and decided that we wouldn't wait to start a family. My mother was extremely fertile so I never thought that I would have any problems conceiving. After 6 months I began to feel nervous. After persuading my Doc. to give us the battery of tests that they usually make you wait a year for we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.
Almost one year after our marriage we found that we were pregnant, and were over the moon. Unfortunately it was shortlived and at 6.5 weeks while on holiday I began to miscarry. I think I lost a large part of my heart that day. It took me a long time to get over it.
Over the next year, we tried chineese acupuncture which helped regulate my cycles and I took a mind body class which helped me get my emotions undercontrol. I began to meditate regularly listening to Jennifer Bloom's fertilty meditations www.anjionline.com and slowly came to a place of peace about our fertility journey.
I've had many thoughts over the past two years. I can't say how many times I've wished that the pregnancy test would just show positive. So many negatives, how hard would it be to have a positive! The month that I got pregnant after the first year, I knew I was pregnant before I checked the stick. My boobs were sore and I'd had funny aches in my tummy. I just new it, the test was just a confirmation.
In November I took a pregnancy test, not expecting any thing extraordinary and there it was...pregnant! I was totally suprised.
The next few days were long and painful, with every twinge I thought that I'd get a late period. I was terrified of loosing this one too. I booked an appointment with my Dr. but couldn't get in for a week. I couldn't imagine staying pregnant for an entire week! My fears were confirmed a few of days later when I felt that my boobs had got much less sore. I figured it was only time before I bled. I sat at work in my cubicle and couldn't stop crying. I had to excuse my self (via email so no one saw me) and went home.
I didn't start to bleed, but I did start to feel nauseus and my boobs got sore again. My Doc. ran some tests and said that my HCG was just fine and doubling on schedule. I was still pregnant.
I was really nervous about passing the 6.5 week mark that had been my miscarriage last time. Unfortunately it came over christmas surrounded by family. I was feeling really sick and would pretty much rather have been any where else as long as I could have been alone.