Anyone out there?

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LovePinkGotBlue's picture
Joined: 09/19/07
Posts: 622
Anyone out there?

Is there anyone that uses this board? I would really like someone to talk to, as i have been battling feelings of guilt for almost 12 years.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Hi hun, I was just lurking and wanted to give you :bighug:

I'm sorry you've been battling with guilt Sad If you ever just want to talk, I'll be here to listen.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Big Hugs...

I am here too if you need to talk....

I will keep checking back.

Joined: 12/28/07
Posts: 1
Oh, hun...

:bighug:
TTC MENT

I too had an abortion 12 years ago (this January) at about 11.5 weeks. I was 19 and had a bf that wasn't ready...neither was I... but I didn't realize it till later. I had a horrible time at first and intermittently ever since. Counseling helped me recently as I was having terrible guilt and some jealousy of others whose 'times were right' even though I KNEW mine weren't for a little one (the clock was ticking though, lol).

Now, I've been married for almost 4 years--to a different & wonderful man--and want to ttc (actually finally started in December 2007-to no avail so far).

I really hope that this is not too raw for you, but: I've always had the fear that I would have it hard when I wanted a baby since I threw away a perfectly good chance when God gave it to me. I know it's not logical, but I keep punishing myself over it. Funny, I'll bet bf at the time gives it not a thought...

Just wondering if you feel the same way. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

:bighug:

ljn05's picture
Joined: 11/07/07
Posts: 8

:comfort:

scrapangel's picture
Joined: 10/05/07
Posts: 807

Hello ladies. I had an abortion 10 years ago and i still think about it today. I swear I can give you every detail of the day.

I was 18 years old with a BF who was no support what so ever. I never told my parents what I was going through so it was even rougher because I did not really have anyone to talk to.

I had a really rough time when I was pregnant with my son because my sister was pregnant at the same time and lost her baby around 16 weeks. I felt like I should have been the one to loss the baby because I was the one who deserved to be punished for my past mistakes. It was hard because of all the guilt i felt.

I now have 2 wonderful children and a third on the way but that does not mean that I do not think about the baby who i let go.

If you want to vent, talk, cry, please feel free to PM me.

kiss_the_fiddler's picture
Joined: 11/06/07
Posts: 153
pg and ttc ment

i can relate to the feelings of guilt. i became pregnant in high school when i was raped. i felt so terrified and so totally trapped. i had absolutely no support. i never told a single soul that i was pregnant. i stopped eating because i figured that babies needed food to grow and if i didn't eat, the baby would go away. it didn't work that way. with no help from anyone at all, i terminated my own pregnancy alone in my room. i became terribly sick afterward. people thought i had the flu. still, to this day, i have told very few people.

i'm pregnant now, after three years of ttc. i've oft wondered if i had so much of a struggle getting pregnant because i terminated my first pregnancy. i'm now 14 weeks along and am thankful each and every day that i'm pregnant. if i had it to do over again, i honestly can't say that i'd do anything different. i really don't blame myself but still, it's hard not to feel guilty.

heidi

Joined: 12/10/03
Posts: 1

I had an abortion seven years ago. I had severe feelings of guilt and remorse afterwards and slipped into a depression. While talking to my GYN, she told me that there was nothing I could do to take back what happened, so I needed to forgive myself. Once I did that my feelings of guilt went away. Of course the day won't and I do think about it, but I don't beat myself up anymore.

LovePinkGotBlue's picture
Joined: 09/19/07
Posts: 622

Wow, Thanks for the support ladies, This board was so dead, i never even thought to come back and check out my thread!

I have terrible guilt for a lot of things regarding my abortion. I'm married now (to a diff man) and we have a beautiful 10month old son. I always think about what would have happened had i kept the baby. My bf then...we were together for 2 months before i got pregnant, and i aborted because i didn't think he would stay with me. I now know he would have. and after that we stayed together for years until 3 years ago i decided to leave because he wasn't making a commitment fast enough...although when i left he apparently had the ring picked out. And the guy i met after breaking up with him i married...my dh now.

I'm now battling the fact that i still have feelings for my ex...so i am very confussed right now..

StephanieJune's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 103

I had an abortion on May 21, 2007. I was 17 years old and a senior in high school. I met the father on www.fling.com. We only saw each other for two months. He paid for the abortion and then I broke up with him. I regret having unprotected sex with someone I did not love, but I do not regret having an abortion. I could not raise his child. I was afraid of what my dad would do to me if he found out that I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage on Friday, February 1, 2008. I feel like I am being punished for having an abortion.

babywearing millitant's picture
Joined: 03/04/08
Posts: 1

I'll say hi, I am prochoice radically, I had an abortion just over 2 years ago, it was my 3rd pregnancy, the only one I never carried to term (so far lets hope only)

I had just had my second baby and I just DIDNT want to be pregnant and have another child not to mention there was no space or money for another baby.

The pregnancy is really a mystery to me still too cause hubs and I were using a condom and it was there when I we were done.

I choose abortion I was so devistated to findout I was pregnant at all... I went in 4 days after I found out and had my abortion awake.. it was not comfertable but not too bad, lasted 3 minutes.

I went home hugged my girls, and never looked back, I do not regret my abortion, it was the right choice for my family and myself.. I hope every one who has bad feelings about theirs will find peace.. never regret anything cause at one time it was the right choice... but for me I know at that time it was the only realistic choice.. and the right one..I am sure we all wish we could turn back the clocks and make it so the pregnancies we terminated had never even occured, but we can't so we made the best choice we could at the time.

lcmancini's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 197

Hi everyone. It's amazing how I (and I assume all of you) have had the same feelings.

I had an abortion 9 years ago, and when I was finally ready for a baby it took almost 3 years to concieve. I honestly thought I was being punished for my decision. I never did regret the deicsion, but I could never forgive myself. To explain a little; I knew that the decision was the right one, but I regretted putting myself in the position to have to make that decision. I know that if I was put back into the position, I would still make that decision. When I finally got pregnant, I went into depression because I thought that my baby was going to be taken from me. I had to talk to someone to help me through my guilt. It looks like there is a little family here, you can reach out to anyone anytime you need.

LovePinkGotBlue's picture
Joined: 09/19/07
Posts: 622

"wanna-b-a-mama" wrote:

:bighug:
TTC MENT

I too had an abortion 12 years ago (this January) at about 11.5 weeks. I was 19 and had a bf that wasn't ready...neither was I... but I didn't realize it till later. I had a horrible time at first and intermittently ever since. Counseling helped me recently as I was having terrible guilt and some jealousy of others whose 'times were right' even though I KNEW mine weren't for a little one (the clock was ticking though, lol).

Now, I've been married for almost 4 years--to a different & wonderful man--and want to ttc (actually finally started in December 2007-to no avail so far).

I really hope that this is not too raw for you, but: I've always had the fear that I would have it hard when I wanted a baby since I threw away a perfectly good chance when God gave it to me. I know it's not logical, but I keep punishing myself over it. Funny, I'll bet bf at the time gives it not a thought...

Just wondering if you feel the same way. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

:bighug:

Thanks. I know exactly what you mean. my son, with my wondeerful husband, as born with a cleft lip and palate...i wonder if this is punishment for my abortion. Although, I like to think that God gave me this child because he knew i could handle it. He is the most wonderful, most amazing being i have ever known here on Earth... Smile

Joined: 08/17/08
Posts: 1

I had an abortion about 5.5 years ago. I used to think about it all the time, but as the years went by I started thinking about it less and less. I know it was the right decision for my DH and I to make at the time. We had just started dating and I had just moved 3,000 miles away from my family. Its nice to know there is support out there from other women who have been in this situation.

Joined: 04/29/07
Posts: 209

I too wanted to share my story

I had an abortion almost 7 years ago. I was 16 years old and I was no way near ready to have a baby. I was only 2 months into my relationsihp with my now fiancee. I have mixed emotions about my decision. I still feel the guilt, but I also think it was a good choice because I prob would have had to drop out of school and I would not be living the life I have today.

I started to TTC 2 years ago and we had a m/c. I always wondered if I was being punished for the abortion I had in my past. We finally concieved two months after my m/c and we now have a beautiful 3 1/2 month old baby boy.

The only people that know about my abortion are my mother and my fiancee. It feels good that I am able to talk about it with you ladies.

If you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate to PM me *hugs*

lippy_woman's picture
Joined: 02/16/08
Posts: 9

PG MENT/TTC MENT/LOSS MENT:

There's so much guilt and also shame mixed in with abortion for a lot of people - I know I have those feelings. I had an abortion back in March 2007. It was a complete surprise, as my partner and I had been using condoms. At that time we'd only been together since September of 2006, so it was still a very new relationship. When I got my positive test, not really thinking it would BE positive, I burst into tears and laughter at the same time. I was horrified but excited, scared but elated all at the same time. Then I told my partner. He was so scared! So, so scared! He did not want this at all, and as much as I wanted him to want that baby, I could not make it so. Ultimately, it was my decision, and I knew he would stay with me if I decided to keep it... but I also knew he would resent me for it every day after that. In the end, after a lot of heartfelt conversations and a lot of tears, I decided to have an abortion. It was the right thing to do at the time - our relationship was too new, just a baby itself to take on another baby. I didn't think we were up to it. After the abortion, all I could think about was babies. It's like my body suddenly went crazy! We agreed to wait a year and then actually try for a baby. We fell pregnant again in March 2008... but lost it to a blighted ovum in April. Every day since I found out there would be no baby, I have felt like it was my fault, like I am being punished, even thought it was the right thing to do - at the time. We started to try again after the two months required time (after a D&C), and every month I didn't fall pregnant, I could feel myself resenting him, blaming him. Sad Wrong, so wrong. I feel guilty for that, too. I know having that abortion was the right thing to do - for us and our baby. We were just not ready to have a child, and there are too many children who suffer for those same reasons.

Now I am pregnant again. I am scared and excited. But I still think about the baby I gave up. Sad

I'm so sorry for any and all of you who have had to make the same decision I did. :bigarmhug:

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