Feeling really low....
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Thread: Feeling really low....

  1. #1
    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Default Feeling really low....

    My story.

    I was with my partner for only a few months when I got pregnant. At first we were really excited but then after he spoke to his Mum, it all changed. If I'm honest, it was for the best because he drank a lot and we were both young. It still hurt though when he mentioned having an abortion. I couldn't understand why he didn't want our baby....... I let him talk me round though and so I went through with it. This was 6 years ago now and I still think about it!

    How do you stop yourself feeling guilty? It's so tough

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    I can't beat myself up about this anymore. At the end of the day, that poor child would have been born into a very broken home I would've had to give up work so we would've had no money coming in.

    It was for the best.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

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    Prolific Poster feelinfroggie's Avatar
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    Hi Kristi,

    Honestly, I still beat myself up with the guilt. I was 14 when I had my abortion. I know that I could not be in the place I am now if I would have had that baby. But 14 years later.. it still haunts me.

    I hope that you can find the strength to forgive yourself. I know I still struggle with that part

    Rebecca

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    I don't know how to stop the guilt either...I don't think it ever goes away. Mine was 8 years ago now and I still think about it. Funny thing is that before I had DD (3 years ago) I didn't really think about it that much...but now that I've gone through a pregnancy and experienced having a child I realize how much I gave up and it hurts more than ever.

    Back then I was young and had no money...the father and I lived in different cities and he wasn't even working...we would have had a rough go and the child would not have had a great life...I wouldn't have been able to start my career and I'd be on a dead end track in a small town with no job prospects and so would he. At the time I was so sure I did the right thing but now I question my decision all the time.

    About a year ago I started working in an office and the father's sister worked there too...I sent him a FB message asking him not to say anthing to her about our past and he didn't even respond....like I didn't even exist...like the whole thing never even happened. I'm so angry at him for sweeping it under the carpet. I had to quit working in that office b/c I couldn't stand seeing his sister every day...looking at her eyes that were also his eyes...the eyes of the baby that never was.

    Now I am married happily with a beautiful DD and we are trying to conceive a baby but not having any luck...can't help but feel like I'm being punished for the abortion.

    Sorry to hijack your post Kristi...I just had to let some stuff out. I don't know how to make the guilt go away...I guess just to just keep pushing on and being the best people we can be. We ARE good people.

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    Posting Addict lcmancini's Avatar
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    Kristi, I don't know if the guilt will every truely go away. I'm sorry, and I wish I had other thoughts. It's been 11 years, and I have yet to really forgive myself for my decision. However, I know deep in my heart that if I were to put myself back into the situation I'd make the same decision. I even talked to a woman before my procedure, and she said the same thing. I didn't understand how she could feel that way, until now. So I take comfort knowing that I did the right thing for me. But it tears me up still knowing that I missed out on so much. I'm sorry that things are hard right now, and I hope that you can find some forgiveness for yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by SlackerMom View Post
    Now I am married happily with a beautiful DD and we are trying to conceive a baby but not having any luck...can't help but feel like I'm being punished for the abortion.
    But, I understand in a way. It took so long for us to concieve our 1st daughter, and then another 12 cycles to get pregnant with our third and I just lost this baby, and I can't help but think that I'm being punished for the decision I made.

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    Contributor xo_nikki_ox's Avatar
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    I really really don't think the guilt goes away. I've gone through so many hours of therapy trying to deal with my abortion (I'm also bipolar, but we've spent a lot of my weekly therapy on this subject). I've tried to forgive myself so many times. It's weird, some days I can talk about it and have no issues, other days I cry even thinking about mentioning my past pregnancy to someone.

    I'm hoping that when I do get pregnant again (I'm TOC right now) the new baby will help heal those old wounds. Though I really did want my first baby, so I know some of that pain will never go away.

    I was also convinced by someone (not my SO, but my mother) that an abortion was the right thing to do.

    I'm sorry I know this probably doesn't help, but please know that there are other people out there, who like you, try to live with the guilt every day.
    Last edited by xo_nikki_ox; 02-23-2011 at 05:21 PM.

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    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Hugs to you all who have been through the same.

    I dislike people's attitude toward abortion so much. Ok, so I do agree that girls who just keep getting pregnant because they're sleeping around and think abortion is the easy way out are wrong. They should take control of themselves and use protection.

    It's not like that for everyone though.

    Yes, I was young but I didn't prevent getting pregnant because I always thought I wanted to be a Mum. I thought my BF at the time too would be happy if it was to happen also, I mean, he loved me. Why would he not love to have a child with me?

    I guess your situation contributes to the decision to go through with it. There was no way I would have had the baby and struggled to raise it alone. I wasn't strong enough, I hadn't been in my job that long. There was no way I could have supported the child alone. I don't regret my decision as such, I just regret that I wasn't older and wiser so that I could have met my child.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

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    Mine was almost 2 years ago and I had one because I loved the baby so much. I was raped and going through a divorce and the thought of the baby having to live such a hard life was too much for me to bear. I cry hysterically sometimes and other times I'm ok but I am positive I made the right decision. I feel guilt on an almost daily basis because I have a beautiful little girl so I know what I'm missing but I try to remember that I did it purely out of love. I know it might not make any sense but with my situation it does. I'm here if you need to talk.

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    Posting Addict lil96's Avatar
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    Hi guys, I am sorry for you feeling guilty. I am just sort of lurking, hoping that some of you get notified of responses becaus this board seem pretty slow.

    Anyway, there is a 15 yo girl who posted on my bb and on the board looking for advice about an abortion. I was just hoping someone could pop in on her thread and help her out.

    Thanks

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