i have decided, and i refuse to punish myself anymore.
i don't need to. my situation at the time was jacked up. if the worse case scenario would have played out i would have been miserable. while pregnant i WAS miserable. i can't undo what i decided. right or wrong, i can't go back. that is the end of it. nothing will change it, so im letting it go.
GOD IS NOT PUNISHING ME EITHER.
i am not in control of who lives or dies. i do not have that power. my life is in God's hands. when he is ready for my baby to be here, when the time is right, it will happen. that is the end of it!
God, i know you have forgiven me. i need you to help me forgive myself. Thank you Lord for your grace. Please prepare me for the baby i want.
to everyone reading this, im sorry for the vent/rant. i just needed an outlet...sorry for using the board as my journal.