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  1. #1
    Mega Poster ababyforus's Avatar
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    Default The reason....

    I had an abortion in 2001.... I was too young and not to mention I was with an abusive jerk - I didn't want to be stuck with him. Today when I think about it, I do feel horrible for the fact that I terminated my pregnancy and let an innocent baby go. DH and I have been TTC for 13 months going on 14 months and I can't help but wonder if I ruined my chances of ever having children because of having an abortion 7 years ago. Has anyone else had an abortion and have not been able to get pregnant again? To this day, nobody knows that I had an abortion - for those who knew I was pregnant think that I miscarried. I know that's horrible to make them think I had a miscarriage but I feel horrible for what I did to my baby. That could have been my only chance of being a mother and I ruined it.

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  2. #2
    OctoberBaby
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    My best friend was in your same position. She had gotten pregnant at 16, the father was a b*stard, and she decided to have an abortion. She was very upset about that decision for a long time. To this day, I am the only person who knows this about her.

    She got married 2 years ago. And tried to get pregnant from the start. It took her 16 months, but she now has a beautiful baby boy. The funny thing is, is that she had given up on trying to get pregnant, and it was 3 months after her and her dh decided to stop actively trying, that it finally happened for her.

    I do know that it is rare these days for a single abortion to cause infertility. The way it is now done causes less scarring in the uterus than the older procedures did. But it is more common for multiple abortions to cause infertility or miscarriage.

    I wish you and your husband luck, and maybe it would be a good idea to see your ob/gyn alone to discuss this matter with her. Or if you worry about not wanting your regular doc to know this, go see another doc for this reason only. that is what i have done when i didn't want my regular doc to know a dark secret about me.

    Take care, hon!

  3. #3
    Mega Poster ababyforus's Avatar
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    Thanks for the advice. I have an appointment with an OBGYN this Friday and will mention the abortion. My regular doctor knows about it but did not say anything about it having an affect on getting pregnant now.

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  4. #4
    nicoleballinger
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    Hi Amanda,

    I hope you get preg. soon, hun. I'm a contributor on the Loss board, and have never had an abortion, but I feel for you. And as the survivor of more than one miscarriage, I want you to know that I don't think it's horrible that you said you had one. Nobody likes to be judged, and it's sad that people judge others for making very tough decisions like having an abortion. You did what was best for you.

    Hugs,
    Nicole

  5. #5
    Mega Poster ababyforus's Avatar
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    Thank you! It was the best thing to do at the time. I honestly don't regret it to a point where I lose sleep over it or anything, I just hope it didn't damage any chances of having a child now. I have heard of people getting pregnant after having an abortion.

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  6. #6
    Mega Poster ababyforus's Avatar
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    It sounds like the OBGYN is not too concerned about my past abortion causing any problems for me having a baby in the future. So that is good to hear!!

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  7. #7
    Posting Addict lcmancini's Avatar
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    Amanda,


    Your story is very similar to mine. I had an abortion when I was 18. It was the best decision I ever made, and I know I would make it again if I had the chance. However, I think about that little baby every day of my life, and I do feel horrible.

    I tried to get preg for 2 years and 11 months. I thought that I was being punished for taking away such an innocent, precious life. But, I did get pregnant. We don't know why it took so long, Both DH's and my tests came back just fine. If I wasn't pregnant that month, we had made the decision to adopt, and give up trying.

    We named our daughter Aislynn. It means, a dream, a wish, or a spirit. We did it to honor the baby that I never had, and how we dreamt of this child for so long.

    When Aislynn was 6 months old, we decided to try again. I didn't want to get back into the torcher of TTC again, but I did want another baby, and who knew how long it was going to take. After 5 cycles, we were pregnant with #2, and here I am, 16 weeks along.

    I just wanted to share with you that for some reason, it took a very long time. But it's ok now. Don't really know how else to put it. I have the perfect little girl, and another on the way.
    ~Lisa~
    Aislynn 7/25/07 ~ Kilynn 1/22/09
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  8. #8
    Prolific Poster LoveLightandInsight's Avatar
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    Default a way to look at it...

    Hi guys...I just thought I would add that I've worked with a lot of women about this and spoken with a lot of spiritual gurus about this (I work in that area) and it all depends on what you believe, but if you would like to look at it a different way which really helps a lot of women I speak to- look at it as a delay, an abortion is not an end, a miscarriage is not an end, its a delay. I'm a Theta healer practitioner and this is a major theme with any loss, miscarriage or termination, or even death..its not the end of anything. Even death, its not an end, a new beginning and some people believe you come back, some believe you go somewhere else, I'm not getting into religion (no place for that) but atleast the way I look at it- its not an end..You are meant to bring certain people to this earth, we are all meant to be here and will find a way and it wasn't the right time. And when you get pregnant again it will be the same little one who has been waiting to try again ... I don't condone people using it as birth control or after first trimester of course but I am completely pro-choice, support womens rights and know a bit about this..But I have spoken to many well known people about the subject and dealing with it and they've all said its a delay which I find comforting..So have hope and know the one you lost before will be back again...I just thought it might help you to look at it this way. I do healings and readings and have even contacted some who are waiting to come at the right time...Have hope and know you did what was best for you, now you are in a position to be a good mother, and the one you lost should be back if they are meant to incarnate on this earth..Best wishes,

  9. #9
    Mega Poster irisheren's Avatar
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    I was just lurking over here and came across this post. I just wanted to say congratulations on your pregnancy, and I am sending lots and lots of sticky vibes your way! Wishing you a very HH9M!
    ~Eren



  10. #10
    Posting Addict scrapangel's Avatar
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    It is normal to be nervous. But to give you hope. I had my abortion almost 11 years ago and I now have 3 wonderful children. So it can be done. I did not have issues with getting pregnant so I can not sympathies with your issues but I wish you the best of luck. Try not to stress yourself out because remember stress can cause you to not get pregnant as well.

    Oh and i do want to mention to the ladies that never had a baby yet, they will ask you which pregnancy this is for you and if your first was a miscarriage or abortion. You should be honest with your OBGYN and not lie.
    Last edited by scrapangel; 10-22-2008 at 03:09 PM.
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