The hard road we travel

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The hard road we travel

I am holding the new foster baby in my arms and I can't imagine what I am going to do if we have to give him back. Life is so unfair sometimes. Women pop out babies all the time, I just want one that is guaranteed to be mine! It is so hard to have faith when things are so up in the air.

If this baby goes back it is going to devistate Isaiah. He took the other baby leaving so hard. I feel bad that it didn't bother me. He never felt like ours. Even though I wanted a girl, I wouldn't change my peanut for anything.

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The baby was so good today. He now holds his arms up to me and crys if I leave the room. He is finally sitting up well and rolling around. Yeah!

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I made a well baby check up for Kel. It is not until the 29th. I pray we still have him then. I find myself saying, please let us keep him until just after Halloween. He is still waking up every two hours at night. Dave and I need our sleep so bad. At least Isaiah has been sleeping through the night.

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Kel slept until 4:30am! Dirol He is teething and running a slight fever Sad The social worker came and visited us. He has been in care for three weeks and they still don't know anything. I am so inpatient. I want to know if we can adopt him now!

Our puppy Willow has been very sick. We went to the vet and she has Parvo. Great, we have had her three weeks and were waiting until the first to get her shots. The vet said it could cost from $300-$1200 to make her better and that would be just a chance, or I could take her home and try to give her water and nurse her at home. Due to our not having ANY extra money I chose to take her home. We lit a candle for her and said a prayer to the Goddess tonight.

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Visitation was odd today. We showed up at the same time as the birth mom and grandma. They look like they have had a hard life. They smelled of heavy cigarette smoke. YUCK! Grandma was smiling and making cooing noises, but birth mom ignored him. I almost feel sorry for her, you can tell she is only there because her mom is draging her there. Why force her to be a mom when we so want to adopt him. I will never understand why it is so important to keep a baby in the family when a good family wants to adopt it and give it a great home. We would even be willing to let them be grandparents and visit him.

Our puppy is almost better. It is a miracle. She is eating and drinking and plays. You would never know that she was expected to die.

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We wrote down all we know about the baby's situation. He was taken from birth mom due to her wanting to hurt him and shaking him. She never wanted him, but family talked her out of abortion. They thought he might have shaken baby syndrome, he didn't. Grandma wants to take him because she thinks she can make Birth Mom change her mom and be a good mother. I wish we knew more. I won't know until later this month if he has even had immunizations.

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Now the baby has a weird rash. If its not one thing its another. He had a temp. last week and now has a splotchy rash all over his head, chest and back. Dave had to be at the playhouse early, so we can't go to urgent care until tomorrow. I hate having one car! I will be so happy when we have the money to fix the van. Tonight is the last night of Dave's play:) I am so ready to have him be home more. I hate being a single mom when he is gone every night.

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The babies rash is all gone. We figured it was an allergic reaction to the pasta shapes I gave him. He is going in for developmental tests next week. I also found out that he had been taken to a sexual assault clinic???????? I wish they would talk to me instead of hinting at things and letting me draw my own conclusions. Since they are usually wrong! The grandma fed him home made coconut pudding today! I was so mad, he spit it up and threw up all morning. I just got him away from sugar and they bring things to his visit. Why do people feel that babies need sugar? It pisses me off! I notice that I am getting very territorial about him. Its a good thing I dont usually see grandma and birth mom!

On the positive side, my money finally came it. YEAH! We bought $200 worth of groceries at Costco. Our cupboards were getting so bare!

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Talked to grandma in hall about the pudding he spit up. She said it was just because he had a bottle with in and was to full. BS! She also told me to put sugar in his fruit to get him to eat it. Dave had to hold me back! We read a report about the cps calls and grandma doesn't believe that the daugher said she would hurt the baby. "Everyone must be lying" I just want this over and my baby adopted!! DSHS has until the end of March to decide who is going to keep him for good. It is going to be a long 5 months.

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We had Kel's developmental testing today. He is just a little delayed in speach and gross motor. I have been working with him everyday for almost a month. I wish they would have tested him when we first got him! The social worker that tested him was the one who first investigated him. She was so impressed on how he behaved with us, and how we obviously loved him. I hope she passes this on to our social worker! The grandma gave him matchbox car as a present. They also gave him a jack o latern. Those seemed weird presents for a eight month old baby.

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Doctor appt. went great. He is 18# and 27 inches long. He now has a yeast infection on his penis. I told the doctor what it was and he agreed! The doctor hadn't seen him before but wished us luck on adopting him. Kel got his shots and is now caught up. He is such a good baby. Dave has to take him to visitation tomorrow by himself, since I have to take Isaiah to the dentist. He is so excited about going! My boy is so weird. How many other kids get excited about going to the doctor? He wants a sticker so he can give it to his baby.

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Dave took Kel to the visit and it went oddly. Birth father showed up at the end. He looked about 16. The odd thing was that birth mom totally ignored him and they didn't tell Dave to stay with the baby. So the guy came to see his child and didn't get to. I am wondering if he wanted a visit before he signs off his rights. Birthmom says that he dumped her when she was five months pregnant. He has never expressed an interest in kel before.

We have decided that if we don't get to keep Kellen then we are not going to do the foster-adopt thing again. I can't emotionally handle it and neither can Isaiah. It's to hard.

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Today visit went fine, although grandma wanted to know if we let the baby play in the snow. I told her that he saw it but he gets so cold that we didn't play in it. She said that she always let her daughter play in the snow as a baby until she turned purple from cold! Little scarey! Halloween went great. Isaiah looked so great as a unicorn and Kel was Tigger. My boys are so cute!

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My computer has been crazy and It has been driving me crazy that I couldn't post here! We had a weird pop up virus. When we were off line we would still get pop ups. Then we couldn't get online at all. It was weird.

Our visits with birthmom and grandma are now only once a week per their request. They have busy schedules and it is easier to do one time a week two hours instead on twice a week one hour each. I hope they mark this down as odd. They only want to see the baby once a week? They also complain that they are bored in the room when they visit! I sure hope and pray we get to keep him. We love every minute with him. He is growing so fast. He wears 12-18 month clothes. It is so weird having a big baby. Isaiah was so small and wore the size he was supposed to at each month. By next year Kel and Isaiah are going to wear the same size!

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copied from my screw up on the board.

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Dave went to a fact finding hearing on Friday. They were going to determine who was going to keep Kel. At the last minute birth mom decided to try to get her shit' together and filled out a parenting plan. So she has until jan 23 to take classes and prove she is a good mom. It doesn't matter that she shook him, cursed at him repeatedly and told everyone she wanted to kill him. She gets to jump through the hoops and get him back. I knew it wasn't going to be easy! On the positive side we get to keep him through the holidays. I know that I am still his mommy until the end of January!

I have been feeling sick I feel queasy in the morning and throw up every night! The middle of the day I feel great! Everyone wants me to take a preg. test, but I never have a regular cycle and if I ovulated it was only a week ago. Yet another thing for me to obsess over!

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visitation was cancelled today! Biggrin They called yesterday to say that they would be to sick to come today :?: We bought a car yesterday. A cute Dodge neon. I love it. Although they freaked us out when I signed papers today. They said the bank hadn't approved the loan yet, they were waiting. So why did they have us sign all the papers, put down money and a trade in car, and drive the car off the lot yesterday morning? It seems very odd. Dave is stressing, I am sure that everything is fine, they had to have been confident, otherwise they wouldn't have let us take the car.

Kel has got a sinus infection again. He and I are both sniffing and sneezing. I am still getting sick over the slightest smell. I take a P test tomorrow. I hope and pray it is a BFP. It would make the holidays so much better.

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Oh course my test was a BFN, I should have known better. I need to call the doc and get some tests done and figure out why I am so sick to my stomach.

Visitation was cancelled again! It snowed last night and they didn't want to drive in it. We painted snow people all over our windows yesterday. The goddess must have liked it! I am thinking about finding a church in the area. I am really interested in the Universal Utilitarian. I need somewhere to go and talk about spirituality without having the bible shoved down my throat.

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The baby is sick AGAIN! His rash came back this week and now he is throwing up. Looks like its back to the doctor for us. It upsets me that I do all the mommy things like care for him when he is sick yet the woman who hurt him and called him names is the one who has all the rights. Life is so not fair.

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Birth mom did not come to visitation, she was still sick. Only grandma came. Grandma gave me a box of clothes for Kel. They smelled so bad of smoke that I had an asthma attack in the car, and they were in the trunk! I went through them and almost all of the clothes were 3-6 or 6-9 months. He is a big boy, he came to us with 6-9 being almost to small. So out of a big box I took three things out to use and a few things out to show him what he wore as a baby before he came to us. I did this with Isaiah too. I asked Grandma what she wanted me to do with to small clothes and she said to give them away. I am going to give them to the social worker for the clothes bank and cover my butt. Grandma also gave him latex balloons to play with and take home?????? The visitation supervisor just shook her head and told us to just throw them away. The woman acts like this kid is five instead of nine months.

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This week was wonderful. No visitation to worry about and we had a good time with our families. Kel is really attached to us. He cried when left with in laws when we walked out of the room. He is also military crawling really well. He started eating well again too. Today though he started getting sick again. He spiked a fever and his nose started running again. The child is ALWAYS sick. I hope he doesn't go back to b/m just because of her smoking. He would be in a horrible environment for someone with sinus issues. We have another visit tomorrow. I hope he is feeling better. I hate to take him out when he is sick.

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The last two visits have been interesting. Two weeks ago birth mom came in bawling and didn't even look at kel. She was fine when we picked him up, but you could tell she didn't want to be there. This week they were there and gave him baloons again. The supervisor threw them away though. They complain that he fusses the who two hours, but they don't let him on the floor. He wants to move!

New social worker was assigned to the case and visited us today. He is really nice. We told him or concerns about visitations and he wrote all of it down and said he would make sure that they didn't feed him or let him play with inappropriate things. He also said that birth mom doesn't want him and asked if she could get him when he was two or three because she can't deal with even visiting him once a week! He told her HELL NO! Grandma is still in the running, but he said that he would have to do home visits and have her take a parenting plan based on the choices she makes at visits. So we are a little closer to keeping him! He told us that he would talk to birthmom about signing over rights and us letting her and grandma have visits throughout the year if we can adopt. Also found out that foster care cost the birth parent 100.00 a month! Good for them!

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We went to the foster care christmas party last night. It was so much fun. They had a ton of kid activities that Isaiah loved. He and Kel played the fishing game and got awesome stuffed animals. Isaiah decorated cookies, made necklaces and ornaments, and saw Santa! The catered food was really good too. I saw a lot of people that I knew. Including a child that Dave used to have in his center that was removed from his parents. Crazy!

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Had the worst thing happen today. Daycare called and another child, who is new and a foster kid, was kissing isaiah's penis in the play hut! Isaiah had a shocked look on his face but was not yelling. The teachers freaked and asked Isaiah if he was okay. He hugged the teacher and seemed okay after some snuggles. He took a nap and they called us. The teachers and the director are freaked out. They called cps about the little boy (he is only three) since he was obviously abused by an adult. We picked Isaiah up and he told us that someone touched him and put their head on his penis. He said that the boy was bad. We let him talk about it and went over about what to do if it happened again.(we said that it was okay to push the kid and scream NO or STOP!) Daycare had told him to scream also if the kid even mentioned anything inappropriate again. The teachers are so upset, we found ourselves reassuring them. There are only
four kids in Isaiah's class and two teachers. They figure it was less then two minutes for the whole thing to have happened. We are keeping Isaiah home tomorrow. He seems fine and talks about "the bad boy".

It makes me cry though because you never want your kids to go through shit like that. I also have to deal with my own issues of getting abused and to not let this get me in a funk.

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Kellen has become such a happy little boy. He wants us to play with him and hold him a lot more now. He still wants to be in his crib at night and during nap time. He needs a quiet room and low light to fall asleep. I wish he would sleep with us around. I am used to Isaiah that will sleep anywhere. Kel's favorite activity is creeping on the floor chasing the dog's ball. He loves playing with the dogs! I love my boys so much.

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Birth mom and grandma were 20 minutes late for visitation. We were leaving when they were coming through the door, so we stayed. Birthmom also wanted to cut the visit short since she didn't feel good and didn't want Kellen to get sick. They also decided that two hours a week was two long and they only want one hour per week with him. WTF? I can't understand. I miss him so much when I am away from him just a short time. Grandma also asked if a transformer was okay to get him for christmas! We told her that he likes things that make music or light up.

On a good note, visitation supervisor asked us if we were going to change or keep his name when we adopted. That made me feel great. She obviously thinks that we will keep him.

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Kel is now going from laying down to sitting! This is a major milestone for him. I also saw him try to sit on his knees to play with our activity table. He is trying to crawl everywhere. We play a game where I growl and he squeals and crawls as fast as he can. He is growing like a weed. He is 10 months and wears 18 month clothes now. I need to go and buy him some more. He hardly has any pjs that are long enough for him.

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Birthmom and grandma did not show up for visitation on Christmas eve! The social worker was there and very upset. (I can't help but smile because it is good for us!) We have a visit this next week I would so love it if they were a no show! Kel loved his Solstace and Christmas gifts. Everyone got him clothes or crib toys. The child loves hanging out in his crib! He is starting to pull himself up. Yeah! I am still having trouble with food though. He only wants to eat crackers and drink milk. I can't get him to eat solids with any consistency. It doesn't matter the texture, he just spits it out. It is very frustrating.

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Well they showed up today. They said they were confused about the time last week and showed up later in the day. They gave him a driving toy that Isaiah loves! Oh well, they tried. They only want to see him one hour per week though. I so hope we can get them to sign over rights. He is doing so well with us. He is almost 100% right on track.

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Visitation was cancelled for tomorrow due to snow. I am so glad! They don't want to make it up this week, they may try to next week, but I doubt it. We have a new social worker! AHHHHHH. It drives me crazy.

We are still battling with kel over food. He still wants the bottle as his primary feeder. I can get him to eat some oatmeal and occasionally fruit. I gave him green beans last night and he spit them up. Very annoying.

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Kellen has been is such a cranky mood the last few days. He doesn't want to play in his dish, he doesn't want to sit in the high chair, he hates being held. He occasionally likes the floor, but only if he is chasing the dog or eatting nasty dog toys/paper. I feel bad that he spends so much time in his crib. That is the only place he will hang and play and not cry. Isaiah crawls into the crib with him and they play for long periods of time. I have weird kids!!

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Kellen is pulling himself up all the time now. He gets into everything. We had Isaiah's birthday party at Mcdonalds this past weekend. He had a wonderful time. The attendant was so good, and the price was wonderful. $60 for happy meals for ten kids, cake, party favors, and a present for the birthday kid. Plus we had the birthday room for two hours. We had a great time, although my parents gave Kel some fries and ice cream! He had the worst poop the next day. I scolded them. He doesn't need crap food, there will be time enough for that when he is older.

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Met the new social worker. He seems okay, but I liked the old one better. We let him know that we wanted to adopt Kellen. He said it was to soon, but we just wanted him to know right away. A fact finding court hearing is Friday. Basicly they will see that the birth mom doesn't want him and they will proceed with deciding whether the grandparents of us are best. The grandparent quit smoking, which is good for them, but bad for us Sad It is still good that they only want to see him for one hour once a week. I am trying to get the courage up to tell them to their fact that we want to adopt and would give them visitation. I feel that we are the best advocate, not the social worker.

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Court hearing for friday was cancelled. On Feb. 6 Birthmom is going to sign over rights. grandma was shocked when the social worker told her that no, she just wouldn't be handed the baby. She has to apply for adoption AFTER they consult with the birth father (who has now turned 18) and have him sign off rights. She is Pissed! We can't legally apply for adoption until we have had him 6 months. (Which is the end of march) The social worker said that he will have us meet with the adoption workers and have them inspect our house asap so that our paperwork can be turned in at the same time as the grandmas.

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Oops I messes up! The birth father is now 18.

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Grandma also brought lunch for Kellen yesterday. A large peanutbutter sandwich, (I told her I havne't given it to him due to choking hazard and possible allericic reactions and she told me that she had never heard of it) She also gave him cheeto's and a WHOLE banana! AHHHHHHHHH

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Sorry did not mean to post here.

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Grandma and Birthmom DID NOT show up again. I waited for 15 minutes then ran to the car! I left a note with the secretary that they didn't show up and that I left, just so it would be documented. We went shopping and had fun. The next court hearing is next week, when birthmom signs off rights, so I wonder if they will come next week.

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I have actually been subbing this week, so I have been to busy to post much. Visitation went fine on Tuesday. Isaiah was sick and didn't want Kel to be dropped off. They gave him applesauce cake and yougart. They told me the ingred. of the cake because the social worker told them to. He puked a little bit after, but only a tiny bit.

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Dave went to court today to watch the birthmom sign off rights. He waited outside the courtroom and Grandma was burping loudly and farting! The birthmom begged her mom to stop embarissing her. She broke two kid toys and laughed about it. (all of this in front of social worker and court appointed guardian) Grandma also started yelling at social worker because she wants to know how to go about adopting Kellen. Social worker, Ed told her that she needed an attorney. She ignored him and told him that she wanted a check list of things to do NOW. Grandma said that she does't want to WASTE HER TIME VISITING KEL IF SHE IS NOT GUARENTEED GETTING TO ADOPT HIM! Grandma got mad and left the building, leaving her daughter to sign off rights by herself! Birthmom ended up not signing off rights due to the fact that they can't find birth dad. She wants to wait until he signs off before she does. (she doesn't want him, but she doesn't want him to have him either!) If they can't find birthdad, they will sign his and birthmoms rights away on Aug. 6th. Damn this is slow!

Social worker and guardian pulled Dave aside and asked if we still wanted open adoption! Dave said he would do whatever it takes as long as we can adopt. They think Grandma is a bit of a nutcase so they are letting us monitor the visit next week. We get to spy on her! They think that after we see her in action we will not want an open adoption. I would prefer that she have no contact, I am just surprised that they feel that way too.

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Dave asked me yesterday what I thought about adopting older kids. He has two new girls at his childcare (k and 1st grade) They are foster kids that need an adoption placement asap. He said the girls were really sweet. We are talking about looking into it. It would change our lives COMPLETELY! We couldn't use the car, and the van is still broke. We would have to move, which would be expensive. We are going to casually look into it. I would hate for those kids to get passed around in the system. I am just worried about money. I have been lighting candles to the Goddess and hoping everything will turn out for the best.

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Grandma and Birthmom cancelled today with only a hour notice. Of course we had already left, since we have to drive for 45 min. to get to the dshs office. We have learned that we always have another reason to go into town, since they flake out so offen. Court appointed guardian talked to us today and let us know that she is 100% recomending us for adoption. That is so good to know. Kellen has a cold and is feeling sick today, so I am glad they cancelled.

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Birthmom and Grandma didn't show up again. We don't know if they called to cancel because our social worker had a heart attack this weekend and no one knows the password to his voicemail. The visiting supervisor was there and we chatted awhile. She told us that Grandma would not pass a home study because she and stepdad are both unemployeed and have health issues as well as past cps issues. So it is looking really good for us. Kellen's birthdady is saturday, so it looks horrible that they didn't show up. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It is just a matter of time. I hate the waiting, but I know that all will turn out okay in the next six months.

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Birthmom and Grandma didn't show up again. We don't know if they called to cancel because our social worker had a heart attack this weekend and no one knows the password to his voicemail. The visiting supervisor was there and we chatted awhile. She told us that Grandma would not pass a home study because she and stepdad are both unemployeed and have health issues as well as past cps issues. So it is looking really good for us. Kellen's birthday is Saturday. He will be 1!!!, It looks horrible that they didn't show up. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It is just a matter of time. I hate the waiting, but I know that all will turn out okay in the next six months. I just have to be patient and wait until Aug. 6 and the rights are terminated, and our adoption can be processed.

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They showed up today, and we watched a visit. Grandma has no sense, whatsoever! She was feeding him large cheeto's (which I hate since I don't allow crap food!) he was gagging on them and Birthmom had to take them away. Melissa (birthmom) was actually pretty good with him, but when he fussed she would freak out and yell at him to be quiet. (thank god he was really good for most of the visit) The supervisor had to go in the room and remove a latex baloon that they let him chew on! We get to watch every visit. Also found out that grandma has a history of drug abuse.

His birthday party went great. He had his own small carrot cake, which he played with. He got a lot of clothes and a leapfrog Tadpole. He loves it!

He had his one year appt. and is going to get a hearing test and a physical therapy evaluation. (he drags his right side when he crawls) He didn't hardly fuss when he got his shots. My brave big boy!

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our computer had a weird virus and was restarting every few minutes so i havent been online for awhile. melissa (birthmom) decided that she doesn't want to do visitation anymore. it was to boring, and the one hour a week, messed up her work schedule! Grandma agreed that it was pointless since she couldn't adopt him. Melissa also said that if grandma couldn't have him then she wanted us to adopt him. YEAH! during that visit she got mad at kellen when he fussed and told him that he was a whiner like his father. Nice..

Hearing test went okay, but they expected him to be totally silent when they put probs in his ears. he let them do one then started screaming. They are going to do the other one next week, but feel his hearing is okay.

Physical therapy was eye opening! He does need work with gross moter skills. ( So I can tell everyone that was laughing at me and telling me to stop fussing to kiss my butt!) He also has some serious sensory issues that have to be worked on. the therapist thinks that his mouth muscles are immature and can't form sounds which is why he doesn't babble. We have to use a brush to stroke him with to get him used to certain sensations. The food texture and sleep issues fit right in with a sensory problem. I am so glad i went with my instincts and had him tested. He is starting to get out of control with his crying and i am feeling very overwelhmed. Dave is the only one he will cuddle with and i somethimes feel left out. I am glad there are things we can work on.

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It is official that Melissa does'nt want visits anymore. On the last one two weeks ago, grandma gave me a bag of clothes for kellen when he is older. It was sizes 14-16! They were all her daughters old clothes! That is so weird! I saved a shirt that had Melissa's name on it that had been hand painted. Most of the clothes were shirts from her elementary school! Bizarre!

Therapy is going well. Kel is finally starting to crawl. He kinda drags the leg, but is sturdier. Communication is not better and the therapist is concerned about his eyes now. One is starting to wander. We are starting sign language with him. He actually let me snuggle with him this week though. I feel like we are slowly bonding more.

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The therapist wants Kellen to see a neurologist becuase she has some concerns about his sensory development. She also wants an eye check up for him. He has good days and bad days with me. Sometimes he will just SCREAM when he wants something, and we can't figure out what he wants. His favorite past time is turning off the computer and tv. It drives up crazy! Isaiah is so good with him. He sits with him and says, say mama, say dada. He is an amazing big brother.

Our social worker hasen't called us in over a month now. It is so weird. I feel out of the loop since we don't go to visits.

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Yesterday's physical therapy appt. went awesome! Billy has said that Kel has made amazing progress in one month. She was really worried about his abilities, but now is more confidant that he will progress "normally" now. It is just amazing what love and patience can do.

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Kellen is taking a few steps, but spends most of his time crawling. (but at least it is with cross lateral movements!) He is still not improving with his vocalization. He doesn't babble or make many sounds. We are starting to feed him crunchy and strong tasting food (lemon, pepper, garlic, etc) to stimulate his mouth muscles. I am concerned about Kel's other developmental issues too. He doesn't wave or blow kisses or respond much to anything we say. And considering he is 14 months that is a bit concerning. Except he screams when we say no. He does laugh and snort when we tickle him or make faces. We still haven't heard from a socal worker regarding the adoption paperwork. We have left messages but nothing.

When I was in Wa dc for ten days Kellen did'nt seem to realize I was gone. He did willingly let me hold him when I got home though. I missed my hubby and boys so much when I was gone! I loved the time away, but I am glad to be home.

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Kellen is walking a lot now! He also says DADADA when he sees Dave, so I am counting that as his first word! We finally talked to a supervisor at the dshs office, but they were supposed to call us back and didn't! We have a new social worker (kel's 8th!) But he is new and doesn't get out of training until next week. Even though we have to wait three more months before parental rights are severed, i want my adoption paperwork done!

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Social worker was supposed to come on Monday morning, but cancelled an hour before. At least my house is REALLY clean now! I just have to make it stay that way! Kellen has been really sick. We went to urgent care on Sat. morning because he was throwing up and having diareah (sp?) every hour. They gave us suppositories which were really fun with runny poop! YUCK. He still wasen't better on Tuesday so we took him back to the Doc. They looked at him and said that he should be better in a few days and not to worry! The poor kid is screaming in pain and has runny poop every two hours! AHHHHHH. He is a little better today. We went to physical therapy and she is concerned about him not bonding with me. He doesn't seem to want anyone to hold him except Dave(and sometimes he still will scream uncontrollably with him). She is going to start testing him for attachment disorders. If it is not one thing, its another. He also is not making any sounds again, and not wanting to eat solids. For every step forward, we take three back.

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