Well, I know this group is mostly about people adopting babies but, I was once a baby who was adopted. Please feel free to let me know if this type of journal is not welcome or appropriate here.
I had my first child Reef Thomas just two months ago.
Mine was a closed adoption through an attorney who has since died. I was adopted in Florida in 1973, the adoption records there are sealed so it makes it very difficult to search for my natural parents. I am very very happy to be the child of my adoptive parents, I had a wonderful life growing up with them. The only real complaint I have is that I dont know any blood relatives. I tried to do some searching when I got out of highschool but it became expensive and I hit a few dead ends and got discouraged. I thought I would be able to let it go. But now that I have my son it is stirring up all those old emotions.
I cannot even tell you the joy I feel seeing my son. He looks a lot like my DH but I can see myself in him too. He has my long fingers and my funny long toes. He has a pushed in little button nose like mine. I never thought I would see some one who looked like me for a genetic reason. (I am now 34 and it took a long time for us to get pg). It is almost overwhelming for me sometimes. I sort of wanted him to be a girl just because I figured the baby would be more likely to look like me.
I am really considering starting to search again but using a private investigator if we can come up with some money. I feel like maybe this is my last chance because if I wait too much longer their is a higher likelihood of my biological parents being dead. They might be already for that matter.
When I was pg these urges were even stronger because I could really imagine what it would feel like to have to give my baby up after I had him, it was gut wrenching to think of someone taking my baby away. In the hospital I was especially paranoid and insisted on rooming in and that NO ONE take my baby out of my room for tests of any kind without me or DH being with him. I had this horrible feeling that somehow there was going to be a mixup and I would never see him again. I know this was an irrational fear but a very strong feeling nonetheless. It made me think of my natural Mother in a whole new light. I had always wanted to find her but this just made me more sympathetic. Through something called a non-identifying information file I know quite a bit about my natural parents. All the information they sent me was gathered from a 2 hour phone interview they had with my natural Mother at 6 weeks when they were ready to finalize my adoption. She cried the whole time. She had to give me up because she was young and in college and financially dependent on her Father. Her Father threatened to kill my father if she stayed with him and to cut her off financially if she kept me. She had no choice. My natural Father wanted to keep me himself but my Mother insisted that adoption would provide me with the best life since he was a highschool drop out and didnt make much money. The physical description of my natural Mother fit me perfectly. She was 19 when she had me and I was 19 when I read this file for the first time. I dont blame her, when I was born no one understood the concept or the need for open adoptions. The custom of closed adoptions was to supposedly protect the Mother and the Baby. They didnt count on society changing and that in the future having a baby out of wedlock wouldnt be such a scandal. I simply want to thank her for having the courage to think of me and to do the right thing. She gave me a great life. My adoptive parents couldnt have any children of their own and were so thankful to get me. I am an only child. My Mother says that I was spoiled but I was never a brat. I certainly was spoiled though, with time and money both. My parents fought over spending time with me and I got whatever I asked for.
My Father says he would like to thank my natural parents for giving him his daughter.
I want to adopt children of my own one day. I wanted to have a least one naturally but then we will be looking into adopting others in the near future.
Well, my LO has decided he is hungry again, he eats lilke every hour now, I think he is in the middle of a huge growth spurt. Thanks for letting me vent some of my feelings. More later.
Kai Robert 10/14/11
Julie, I know this was a while ago, but thanks for sharing your story. I am fascinated by adoption, it is so humbling and wonderful. I have three adopted sibligns, all from family members, so they know of their birth parents, and some see them regularly. I can only imagine how when you had your son you would be thinking so strongly of your own birth. I hope that you are able to find your birth parents at some point.
Rachel, momma to 4
dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.