So that's what's been weighing on my mind lately. Don't know what we're going to do, although the time to make a decision is drawing near fast! Both programs sound great to me. I got some awesome advice, so I'll just have to keep stewing, since DH is open to either. I think maybe I'll be better equipped to make this decision once I've talked to Jenny and asked her a few of my questions. Here's what I have so far:
In January, I'm supposed to call our old adoption agency and talk to them about getting our file taken off of the hold it's on so that we can proceed with an adoption. The lady there is expecting me to call (she emailed me recently to confirm this) so that we can get some basic questions taken care of regarding the homestudy, new developments with the Indian program, etc. She knows we want to officially get started in April. Anyway, I am still really torn about adopting from India vs adopting domestically. Both programs sound great to us, and I keep flip flopping back and forth. DH is open to either program. Here are the pros and cons of both. PLEASE help me come to a decision! If we don't want to go with India, I'm not going to call our old adoption agency. But I do need to make a decision soon (by Feb at the latest).
India program PROS:
- I'm from India, so we would have a short wait time for referral (about 4-6 months).
- We would get referred a young infant, around 6 months.
- I would have the option of fostering the baby, since the orphanage is near the city in which my family lives.
- My family would get to see Nick for the first time.
- I've always wanted to adopt from India.
- We would have reduced fees because of the money we already put into it the first time around.
India program CONS:
- The looong wait time from referral to travel - around 8-10 months.
- I'd have the option to foster her, BUT I'd take Nick with me. That would mean him getting used to new water (they have water filters there, so it's not unsafe, just not the same as he's used to), new food, having to get shots, etc.
- We'd be apart from DH for however long it took for the approval to come through.
- If I only fostered her for a month or two, I'd feel guilty about her getting older in an orphanage while we were here in the US.
- If I didn't foster her, I think it would be detrimental for her to know that we DID have the option and didn't want to, when she gets older.
Domestic program PROS:
- Wouldn't have to go anywhere outside the US with a young toddler.
- The baby would come home at a younger age than with India.
- The wait time from referral to placement is short.
- Marginally cheaper (about 2-5k).
- We could drop Nick off at his grandparents' to go pick the baby up if we needed to, since our stay in the baby's state would only be a week or so.
- The agency we'd be working with is local.
- If the wait got too long, we could change our preference to wait for a newborn which would mean a fast placement.
Domestic program CONS:
- Unpredictable wait times. Would need to "get up and go" really fast, which could be hard with a toddler in the house.
- The baby wouldn't share her ethnic background with either DH or I, which I'm afraid might be difficult for her since we have Nick who is our bio son. (Mamas who have one bio and one adopted, if you could weigh in on this, I would love to hear your input)
- DH is not very thrilled about the possibility of an open adoption (slim possibility, since our agency says that most minority placements are closed).
- Domestic adoption carries a disruption risk.