somewhere in the middle

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Joined: 03/16/15
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somewhere in the middle

Well, I decided to try a journal. It will be mostly random thoughts and a lot of nothing just to keep me busy. But, for those who might actually read it, Here's a tiny bit of background. I'm 31yrs, DH is 31yrs, and we've been married 8 years. We met in Junior High, did the off and on High School dating, but didn't have a real relationship until he was in the NAVY and I was a Flight Attendant. I think God kept drawing us back together from all the different places in the world our jobs took us. I'm really thankful to have such a wonderful, caring husband. He's going to be such a good Daddy!

I'll come back to this first post to update the timeline at some point.

TIMELINE:
June 17, 2007 - Information Meeting with Agency
July 6, 2007 - Applied for Colombia
July 20, 2007 - Approved for Colombia
Aug 3, 2007 - First meeting with Director
Aug 6, 2007 - Started Paper Chase
Sept 24, 2007 - First Homestudy Meeting
Oct 8, 2007 - Homestudy DONE!!
Oct 26, 2007 - INS submitted... when it is returned(1 or 2 months later,) we can send our dossier to Oregon for the final paperwork. Then it will be translated and sent to the Colombian government.
Nov 8, 2007 INS approved! (only for two children, and we requested three, agency is going to see if it can be fixed)
Nov 14, 2007 INS approved for THREE children!!!
Nov 20, 2007 Submitted Dossier to Agency
Nov 30, 2007 Dossier sent to Colombia!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

We've been in an adoption Bible study group for over a year now. We've had an awesome opportunity to interact with internationally blended families and seen how beautifully it's worked. Some of the adults in our group are adopted themselves and are really great at sharing an insider's perspective.
The kids in our group are from Vietnam, Moldova, China, local, and soon to be... Colombia!

It used to be so hard when meeting new people, the first thing they'd ask was "how many kids do you have?" admit it, you've said that before too... it's natural conversation starter for many people to talk about their kids. But that question always made me cry. Because all my babies are in Heaven. So, how do you answer that? Do you acknowlege your babies and make the asker uncomfortable, or do you pretend like they never existed and then people assume you don't want kids because you've been married forever and don't have any-even though it is the only thing in life you want?

We started going to a new community group at church which has been really fun. We really seem to fit with the people there. Once again, we are the only ones without kids, but this time there is hope. It's so nice when people ask how many kids we have that I can now say "we have two, or three, in South America" Now there's a good conversation starter!

Usually people respond with, "Oh, why did you choose Colombia", or "where are you at in the process" both of which are fine questions to ask, however, only ONCE has someone said "Congratulations!" and acknowledged how special this is. If a woman says "I'm pregnant", she gets a round of "how wonderful, congratulations" but if she says "I'm adopting" she gets a round of "how much does that cost?"

I guess people who've never thought about adoption haven't yet processed that I'm going to love these children every bit as much as they love their bios. Our kids have been waited for for so long they are going to be smothered in love and attention. I feel like I've had a lifetime to plan our events and activities, and my husband is crazy excited too. He wants to adopt older siblings so he can start the soccer practices and school plays immediately...

Today I am taking care of my nephew, we're going to a farm - that's not really a farm- to see the animals. More later I guess.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

well, back from the farm that's not a farm. My nephew and I had a great time, he's 3 and can hardly talk, but he repeats everything several times so every statement or question is super excited! I love that.
First thing he said when we arrived was "You have money Kayah? You have money? You have money Kayah?" because he wanted to feed the animals. I told him I only had dollars so he told me to go get good money. Smile
Admission is free, and the kids love it, we've been there many times.
http://www.360kc.com/Attractions/DeannaRoseChildrensFarmstead.html
He got to feed the fish and goats and chickens. That was hilarious, he tried to feed the chickens like you would a goat... out of his hand! ROFL
Then we walked through the wigwams and the barn, climbed on the tractor, played in the sand and went on down the slide. (He kept asking me if I would fit on the slide... again, three times per sentence, that wasn't embarrassing or anything) but yes, I do fit down a slide. Where do they come up with these things?
Anyway, I keep thinking, If my kids are 3 when I get them, I'll have missed out on some of thier life, but there is so much joy in every stage, I can't wait to experience it.
DH is supposed to come home for his appt tomorrow. Then we find out when the home visit is, hopefully next week. Then we can file our last paper and send it all in. We do have to wait for one paper to come from Chicago, hopefully soon!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Learning Spanish. That is the #1 thing the agency keeps telling us. We will be in Colombia for a month so I'm sure it will come in handy there, but I do want my kids to be bilingual. I took Spanish in HS and college, but it's been a while and I am having to relearn most of it.
So, I bought some CD's from Amazon, using the same guy who taught our French Cd's. The only problem with that is we associate his voice with French and keep getting our languages mixed up.
So, I checked out some CD's of different types from the library. Do Not bother getting the Complete Idiot's Guide to Spanish. But, the other one, Instant Immersion Spanish is ok. Especially if you have a little background already.
Now I need to put it on my mp3 so I can take my lessons with me.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Whew. I just got J out the door. His Homestudy appt is at 7:30am, I think he'll make it in time, but just barely! Poor guy. He drove in last night, took me out to dinner, went to bed and is out the door again. This afternoon he's flying to PA for the day. He took the last of our paperwork with him to the meeting, and is supposed to schedule the last meeting. I hope it's soon, I want to get on the list! Of course, with Colombia, it is 5 months between putting in your paperwork and officially being on the list, although they will start looking for our kiddos right away.

The chances are that both (or all 3 depending) of my children are already born. I pray for them every day. That they are being taken care of and loved and love each other. I hope we get to meet soon.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Cool! Our final Homestudy meeting is in 3 days!:yahoo: I am going to be working on the house like CRAZY!!! :trash::ironing::vacuum:It's a fixer upper, and I know they won't hold it against me that the kitchen cabinets aren't done or the bathroom needs remodeled because they are in the process of being done... however, you always want your house to look it's best, right?
This means that next week we'll file for the 600a and will we be done? No, I keep forgetting about the apostilled letter we need from Illinois. :doh:Darn it. Well, we're getting there! Then we can send the dossier to Oregon for the agency to translate and THEN we're done. whew. deep breaths K... I feel so rushed and I'm the only one putting time restraints on me. :bouncey:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I did so much cleaning yesterday, I am wiped out today! I woke up at 6:30am freaking out that everything wasn't done yet, and DH reminded me it was only Friday! Whew! That really helped me relax, but I don't think I slept well because I was worrying about it.

When we were trying to pick an agency (no easy task) there were two that really jumped out at me and we almost went with the other one because it seemed to be faster and less expensive. However, we chose the local one because of the support groups and personal recommendations.
Out of curiosity, I just checked the other agency's website, and they are not even offering our program anymore! I think God led us to the agency we chose, for a reason... our kids are there!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ugh. I'm trying to explain to my family (who we are very close to) how adopted kids listen to everything you say and can be very sensitive about their adoption. I was telling my dad how a family we know was really hurt by a stranger in the market saying bad things about that certain country selling babies and was their kid stolen from the birthmom? RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN! Oh that breaks my heart!
Well, one thing we're learning in our study is to have an answer ready for all kinds of stupid or thoughtless comments in advance, because eventually it's going to happen in some way. The books say the quicker the parent answers and speaks positively about the adoption, the less it will bother the child.

My dad doesn't quite get it yet. When I told him the story, he says, you can just tell people they were your cousin's children.
What? How does he think that is helpful? It baffles me sometimes. He's trying. This is really new to the family. I don't think my parents ever knew anyone who adopted.
My dad is pretty sweet though. He just doesn't get it. It was cool when we went to visit his dad at the Old Soldier's home, to listen to my dad tell his Father about my adoption. He said "Isn't that neat? Kayah's going to be the FIRST to adopt in our family! We've never had adopted kids before!"
Well, like I said, they really are trying to get it.
We're trying to tell the family everything we learn about adoption issues, but it's hard. And they aren't fully understanding.
I know I'm the perfect type of person to adopt because I don't see the difference b/w that and bio kids. I never have. They are your kids but with a different background. There's no reason to hide that or to make a big deal out of it either. It just is.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, we're still going to the adoption group tonight so will prob be up most of the night finishing the house cleaning.
We know it doesn't have to be perfect, they're mainly looking for code violations, but it probably shouldn't be this bad. Wink
I love the office now, it's so nice to be clean. We finally sorted the last of the boxes from the move here. sheesh. pathetic. J was actually able to throw a little bit away. I made 6 huge bags of stuff for the VFW, they're coming to pick up next week. Mochi was outside in the rain before we knew it was raining of course, and is dirty now. She's scheduled for her biweekly bath on Tuesday anyway, but the social worker has to meet her tomorrow. How embarrassing. Hopefully she brushes out good.
J thought the best use of his time was to install the new kitchen light that has been sitting in the dining room for a year. I had to help hold it up and white junk from the ceiling got all over me and I had to take a shower again. SO NOT the best project to have done, we need organizing and cleaning man! Not installing light fixtures!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

My house is so clean! We worked until midnight last night, and then got up early this morning to make sure everything was perfect. Of course, all the ladies who went before me and gave me advice were right. My crazy cleaning wasn't neccessary, but wow am I glad to have the last of the boxes unpacked, everything put away, tons went to Goodwill, and it was the only way to get DH motivated in years so yeah, it was worth it to clean everything!

This house still needs so much work, but it's passable. We have a while before the kids come to finish it. Now I need to call the school district and make sure I get called for substituting to earn a lot of $$. The amount we need for the country fees and travel is a bit staggering to think of at this point, but it will happen. I know it will. No doubt in my mind, even if we resort to sending out support letters, someway, somehow we'll get our kids. I'm kind of excited to see how God is going to pull this all together!

And in the meantime...
WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
The Homestudy is DONE!!!!
I am so excited!!!:yahoo::yahoo::jumpingbeans:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Books, Books, Books!!!
I went to Target today to find a gift for a friend, and cleaned out their book aisle! The clearance prices were amazing! There were even Spanish/English books and I bought a lot for her and for me!!! Yay!!! I can't wait to use mine...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I did not understand that I had to make the INS appointment before the homestudy was finished. The social worker kept saying to make it for two days after the homstudy was done. So, I waited until we finished the homestudy and then made the appointment, but the EARLIEST availability they have is Oct 26th!!! That's still 14 days away!
(The social worker said they can somtimes get you in the next day, so that added to my confusion.)

I am SO bummed, because Colombia all but shuts down in Dec/Jan, and now we won't get our dossier submitted in country before the slow down.

So, for you gals following soon... make your INS appts in advance!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Some of our friends just made it to Bogata` today. That's the capital of Colombia, and they will be meeting their 4 kids this week. I am so excited, it's going to be so awesome for them... and someday it will be my turn!
Today in Church they were announcing the baby dedication, and for the first time, I didn't cry. DH and I looked at each other and smiled, I know we were both imagining dedicating our babies/toddlers... it seems like it can happen any day now, although I know it really will be a long time away.

There was a woman in the bathroom talking about adoption to her friend, and I heard her say "well, we don't want to wait years and I couldn't take all that time off from work to travel anyway". I wonder if that means they are considering adoption, but leaning towards domestic... Taking time off from work is difficult for a lot of people, especially since both parents usually have to go. (some countries have an escort service that brings the children to you, but the only ones I know of are Korea and Ethiopia off the top of my head). So that is a concern. DH's job is more flexible and he is already telling them he'll need a month off next year sometime. It will be considered unpaid maternity leave. That is one more thing we have to budget for. Besides the adoption, we'll still have mortgage payments,utilities and need food paid for while DH is not working for a whole month. Sometimes people have stayed for over 5 weeks because of paperwork/court.

We're really looking forward to our time in country though. We want to learn the customs, food, and remember as much as possible for our children. When they are older, they'll want to know about the country they were born in, and it will be nice to have some firsthand experiences.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I started looking for Spanish lullaby CD's on ebay. But I got bored. The only ones I found were English songs (Mary had a little lamb,rock a bye baby) that were sung in Spanish. I guess that's fine, but I was looking for something with a little more culture.

Yesterday I finally downloaded my Spanish tapes onto my mp3 player. They barely fit, I had to delete all my music. Still, it's going to be so convenient! Even when I'm at home, I won't have to stay in the same room to listen to them. I hope it works. I have only listened to the first disc a couple times so far, but it's helping me remember the language.

This tape set is a little easier because the other one makes me think in French, so while it's quality is top, it hasn't done me much good yet. Maybe after I get going I can switch back.

I ramble a lot at 5am.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Speaking of Spanish...
It will be so nice to know the language. Every single day that I venture into public, a stranger asks (in Spanish) if I speak Spanish. I know I have that look. It used to cause problems when I was a Flight Attendant. Spanish speakers would come running up to me in the Airport literally crying and desperate for me to translate their problems so they could have an agent fix it. My whole crew would stop walking (to the next plane) and wait for me, not knowing I was just going to say "no hablo..." :? which was embarrassing to me, and heartbreaking to those who thought I could help them based on my looks. I blame my great-grandpa, of whom it is said, demanded his kids learn English since they were in America... Unfortunately, he passed down his dark looks (hey, I do LOVE the way I look) for at least 4 more generations (yep my nephews are dark too) even though all previous generations married Caucasians.
We really don't know any genealogy details about the Spanish side of our family. My grandpa may or may not have been born in America. My mom definitely was.
However, my German side is a direct line (my maiden name goes back to Germany in the 1560's so far, with arrival in "America" in 1710) I put that in quotes because we were here before becoming a new country.

Yet, all of us look Hispanic. Smile
Except for one sister. She was light skinned, light eyes, and reddish hair. Completely biological, but she always felt out of place with us kids. We'd run around in the sun, and she'd be slathered in sunscreen, or have to wear a hat. Little things like that, and people staring at her in the supermarket asking my mom if she was really hers. HOW RUDE!
Poor Shaylin. I think she felt better as she grew older and realized those kind of looks didn't matter, and we were an odd group anyway.

I know Shaylin's feelings will affect how I speak to and teach my children. I believe they will develop similarities to us, but will most likely not look like us. (besides, DH is blond) that doesn't mean they won't act like us or be interested in the same things...

Shaylin would of loved to be around my kids. Maybe she'd have some of her own by now. She loved children so much. The little boys she babysat for cried for months and took down her pictures in their house because it made them too sad to look at, it was as losing a sister to them. She developed such strong attachments to people. I miss her so much. I know she's in Heaven watching over my babies now, but I'll never stop missing her and wondering how all of our lives would be different if she was still here.

I started to post a picture of Shaylin, but it turned into several pictures. I hope it's ok for me to post a large picture here, and maybe I'll take it down sometime, but after writing this post, I had a horrible day. One of those days you have to cry through. I know it's because I thought of my little sister too much. Here are some of the pictures I had scanned already. She died before I got a digital camera, so everything is from film. That's pretty frustrating too. We have to preserve her pictures so carefully.

Joined: 03/16/15
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What a hard day. I am going to take that picture down if I don't hurry up and make it to the 2nd page of posts. It's still so hard to look at. We have framed pictures up around the house, but your eyes skim over them more easily.

My puppy is being very comforting today. Every time I sit, she's on my lap. We bought the puppy last Nov, then found out I was pg again, and lost again. I suppose I would of survived without the puppy, but it probably helped.

Ok, I have to come out of this funk... let's talk about happier things! I sold a few things on Ebay. It turns out to be more hassle than it's worth, (non paying buyer for $40!) but it feels good to clean stuff out. The woman who came to pick up a huge mirror ($10) asked me if I was sure I wanted to sell it. I think she felt bad because it was worth about $100... but I've tried to sell it 3 different ways and at some point, it just has to go! Every dollar counts!

Strangely, I been coming across random money in the house. There was $12 in my jeans pocket, $2 on the floor of the closet, $1 in the dryer... Now that is a mood lifter! Now I'm hoping to start finding bigger bills LOL!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
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What's the best way to sell a truck? My dad really damaged it when he borrowed it a couple of weeks ago. I asked him to buy it from us, but he said he'd rather chip in some money instead of hassling with it. Thanks. That's not stressful at all. Now we're trying to sell a damaged truck to come up with adoption money.
I think the adoption community is pretty sensitive about talking about money, but to be honest, you do have to be able to pay the fees. There are agency fees, country fees, lawyer fees, travel fees, fingerprint fees... along with paperwork costs, time off from work... it adds up. The children are absolutely priceless, but there is a process we have to go through. Now would be a great time to have rich grandparents...

So, I'm back to looking for a job. Hopefully being the holiday season, this should be the perfect time to find something. I would really like to work with photos again, but there aren't many companies like that in this area.

Uh Oh, I have to get up early tomorrow, better go!

Joined: 03/16/15
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Today was just long. I did a market research trial that lasted all day and gave me a headache, but paid well so I guess it's worth it. Now I have cramps too. Didn't my body get the message? I'm paper pregnant! No more AF! If only...

Joined: 03/16/15
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I took a nap and now it's 2am and I'm not sleepy. I'm definitely one of those people who can't nap. What am I going to do when the kids are here and taking their nap? I hope I figure it out. I'm 31, you'd think I'd have learned how to nap by now.

So, My friends are in Colombia and met their 4 children today!!! WOW! It's so amazing! I am super stalking their blog looking for updates, and they already posted pictures! (I love that about them!) I wish I could post one or two pics here for you, but I forgot to ask in advance,... maybe when they come back I'll be able to post one. It's so beautiful the family they make! What a gift of God!

Joined: 03/16/15
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Nine more days until we can do INS. It's taking forever! Maybe we'll be lucky and actually sell the truck. We need so much money so quickly. That would actually be half of our next fee.

I hired a gal to come over and help me paint the trim today. Just a couple of hours at $10 an hour, but it will be really worth it. J needs to work on bigger projects when he is home (fixer-upper house) but trim I can do. The only problem is the floor trim (hence the gal that's coming over) because I cannot bend for long periods of time. (back surgery). One Doctor even told me I would never be able to have kids because of my back injury, but HA! I won't let that stop me! I have a tiny stool to put by the bathtub so I can give the kids baths, and everything else that requires bending will just be really really really worth the pain! I'm not worried about it at all, but still, it will be worth $20 or $30 to have someone else do the floor trim work. Then we can put in carpet and it look like a bedroom!

The social worker said that our room doesn't have to have carpet, so we can wait on that, but If we can swing it, we will. Obviously, we won't do it until after all the adoption fees are paid.
Don't worry, we already put new carpet in the kid's rooms. Theirs were the first projects we finished when moving into this house.

If I have time, I might ask this gal who's coming over to help me paint the kids' dressers. Shhhh.... don't tell DH! He hates painted furniture... but I want cute kid colors. We bought both dressers for a total of $40 at a garage sale. They came with a table and chairs, and a mirror. What a steal! They're full size and very very sturdy, but with watermarks,scratches,dings... so they'll look better painted.

Don't you hate painting things? They're obviously older... maybe 1940's... and I can just hear the antique roadshow people going... "it's a shame it was not kept in original condition..." but not everything is valuable, right?

Hahaha... I'm rambling on when I should be getting my painting supplies ready. Bye!

Joined: 03/16/15
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It's funny now to think I might have had time to paint the kid's dressers! We barely finished the trim before she went home, and boy is that stuff stinky! It's a special lacquer that's supposed to bond to wood... I hope it does!

Not that I think we will actually have this place looking like a house soon, but it is nice to have such a preoccupation to keep me from dwelling on the adoption 24/7.

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One of our close friends in the adoption Bible study we go to just received their referral of an infant in Vietnam! Two families in our group were number one and number two on the list, and after number 1 received their refferal, number 2 had to wait about 6 weeks for theirs. It was a very long 6 weeks. You'd think, I'm next... there's been several babies taken to the Dr's, why am I not getting a call? Our friends handled it very well. I know it was stressful for them, but knowing that God has a special child picked out for you and in his time you will know, makes it a little easier.

Vietnam is increasing in popularity lately. I wish the families could travel soon after receiving the referral, but at least in our agency it is about 4 to 5 months later.

I'm glad Colombia does almost all the paperwork and court stuff by the time you get the referral, however, after finding out who your kids are, you only get 3 weeks until you meet them.

That's not a lot of time to buy beds, clothes, toys, products, etc...

We don't know the ages or genders of our kids, so there is going to be a lot of last minute stuff! Everyone says to get as much as possible ready now... but I don't know what that could be...

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I'm a dangerous seamstress. I'm making my sister some curtains, and I dragged a needle across my leg (don't ask me how:doh:) and have a 5" gash in my leg now. :bawl: ouch. It stings pretty good. I covered it with bandaids because that post on the AB makes me paranoid.

Anyway, my sister (who has two boys) was told today that she needs a hysterectomy over Christmas. That's some pretty harsh news, but I hope it makes her feel better physically.

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I finished painting the bedroom trim. The curtains for that room are kind of on a back burner... I wish there was more I could do to the kids' rooms, but I just don't have any interest in gender neutral things... other than the walls are khaki.
I wonder what they'll be like, and what kind of toys they'll be most interested in... out of curiosity, I am going to try to resist buying toystoystoys. I'm sure we'll get plenty of hand-me-downs to get us started.
I know when you get a referral, if there is any information on the children's personality , they will include it in your info... I am so looking forward to that... patience K...

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I've been kinda down the last couple of days. Waiting 3 weeks for our INS (immigration fingerprints) appointment has been tough because it's just wasted time. 4 more days to go... then we're going to hope that the turnaround time is fast. :confused:

Last night was adoption group again. J didn't get to go as left for Charleston a day early so he can be home early for our fingerprint appt. The discussion was on ch.12 of Parenting You Adopted Child, and we discussed what,how much,when, and to whom to tell your child's story to.

I have already decided that we will not tell anyone at all (not even family) of our children's history. I know that will be hard for them not to know, but my kids aren't a book. We're going to respect their privacy, and when they are older and mature enough to tell others, we will let them make that decision. But for now, only J and I will know, and we'll tell our kids parts (that we know) in an age appropriate manner as they grow.

I still have a couple videos to watch, a huge book to read, one more session to attend (but I will probably keep going) and a test to take in the next two months. The videos are horrible, but the book is good.

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Looking at the previous post, I'm glad I have made that decision, and J is firm with it as well. If my family understood adoption better, it would be slightly different, but as it is, we are sure of our decision. I was frustrated again tonight by my dad. He kept asking if our kids were going to be real orphans. I don't have enough time to explain my dad here, but as much as I love him, you'll have to believe me that at times he can be very stubborn, racist, and ignorant. I have answered his questions so many times, what really bothers me is that he is not asking to find out an answer... he is asking to make points or in an attempt to change my mind. And he doesn't even remember having these conversations before - so it's just me that has to remember them.

Anyway... it just confirms what I've already felt. I won't let my kids be a topic of interest. I am going to protect their privacy for them until they can do it themselves. J and I were discussing how to handle situations that are out of the ordinary without telling anyone anything. Maybe a very traumatic thing happened and it's similar to something here... how do we handle that? I am confident that we will find a way, and that we will be prepared for it.

And still, I pray every day that my kids are being loved right now, and that they love each other.

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The day of applications.

Today I applied for a lot of jobs. I am most interested in the Flight Attendant position on a private plane... how cool would that be? They are requesting only experienced Flight Attendants apply, so that narrows down my competition a bit I'd say. I looooved being a Flight Attendant, it would be so incredible to have that back again. It's like losing part of your identity when you have to leave something you love so much. I'm sure physically, I could do it again. Especially in a smaller capacity. I've been thinking about the kids and how they would handle that change, but I would actually have more time with them than most other jobs. My parents only live a couple of houses away, and I know I could count on them to help J. However, if it didn't work out, I would put my children first of course. That's if they even hire me. How quickly the time would pass if I was flying now! Not to mention being able to pay the fees.

Oh, I also applied for Robeez' shoes donations. They set aside a number of shoes every month to give to charity, including adoptive parents traveling to orphanages! It would be so awesome to be able to hand over a number of the cutest shoes for the children! (in many countries, the children don't have any shoes)

Later tonight, I'll apply for some more jobs. Right now I'm trying to work on the kid's rooms!

Joined: 03/16/15
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My sister just gave me two huge bags of kids clothes. She has two boys, so there are a lot of trucks and dinosaurs on them. I am washing them right now since they have been stored in her garage, but they are size 12months to 2 years. I might not even get a child that young. Sad
Anyway, last night as I was sitting in a pile of clothes too small to be legwarmers, it hit me that I will really be washing little people clothes from now on! I had a clothes basket in the kids room already, but I hadn't really imagined it being full until now. Ohhh, I'm getting too excited too early in the process!

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I can't wait to go to Colombia! We have some friends there now with their new additions and it's amazing to see the journey. The kids are really adjusting to them and even excited to go to their new home. Of course, they can't really understand what a huge shock that will be to change countries, but they will all be together. I'm glad we're adopting siblings. I'm really glad they will always have each other (and now us!)
I know the slow season is here and we won't hear anything for a few more months (at least!). I'm not expecting anything sooner than that, and I guess it makes it a little easier to know nothing is going to happen.

One of my new friends at church asked if we'd like a used double stroller from one of her friends. I thought that was so nice! Of course I said yes, (and I can't wait to use it.) I went to an adoptive shower on Sunday night, and watching all the presents open, I was a little surprised by how much we might need or could use. I think of myself as a minimalist, but it was a bit overwhelming to think there are so many items we might need for the children.

Adoption is everywhere. Last week I helped out in the nursery at church. There was one other gal there working, and yep, she has adopted children. I don't know if people are just coming out of the woodwork after I tell our story, or if God is just putting me next to these wonderful women who have gone before me to encourage me with their stories and experiences.
God is good!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

These are the people in your neighborhood... that Sesame Street song has been running through my mind all day. Today I went to the Dentist. She has an adopted daughter from Guatemala. It was fun to talk about her experiences, then as I was arriving home and about to walk inside, the mailman pops up and hands me a package, so I stayed to chat for a minute and told him about our adoption. He has three children from China! Everywhere I go, I'm meeting families brought together by adoption, it's so amazing!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Yesterday continued to be amazing! Around 9pm, I answered the phone to find out we are receiving a grant for $750! We feel so blessed to be receiving anything, and are extremely grateful for this help, but I have to say it was so sweet to hear the man on the phone say he wished it was more. It really showed his heart for orphans. His comments made me feel like the community is going to accept our kids with open arms and I was very touched!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So cute. J is working on a calculator to find out how much we need to put away for college every year for the kids.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

First, I have to say that I'm not sure how I feel about this. Am I relieved? Disappointed? A little of both?
Our INS approval came today. We are only approved to bring two orphans into the country. :eek:
We really were expecting it to say three children.
Officially, we are requesting two, but want the option of three if they find the right group for us, or us for the right group depending on how you look at it.
So, I'm a little sad. The agency is going to try to get it fixed for us. I guess I want that option.
But, is this maybe God saying all we should want right now is two?
How do we know the difference?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I feel really good about two children, but J is still set on 3. I'm almost comfortable with that, but I realize how much extra work that will be. I also worry about not having enough hands to hold them since J travels a lot.
Today we hope to hear from the agency about what's next.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Nothing yet, but there is an agency meeting I'm going to tonight. It's going to be awesome because my friends are back from Colombia with their new FOUR children! I can't wait to meet them!
I'm applying for more grants today. The thing that confuses me most is, travel cost is estimated around $7,000. But if you get a grant, they always pay the adoption agency directly (to eliminate fraud) so, how can I get the funds to cover travel that we pay out of pocket?

Oh, now I remember what I came on to write about just now. DH (let's call him J) is such an eternal optimist. It bugs me! He says everything is happening so fast, we'll probably get our kids in a couple of months. What?? How can he even consider that a possibility? Our Dossier (paperwork) isn't even to the country yet. I love that he is so happy and ready, but I hate how bad he's going to feel when it takes longer than he thinks. Does that make me a pessimist, or a realist?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Is Colombia everywhere, or does God just work in mysterious ways?
J is on a plane to Portland right now. He called from the plane to tell me the head flight attendant announced that anyone who doesn't want to sit in an exit row can be put on the next plane to Bogota`...so J raised his hand and said "Me!"
(That's the capital of Colombia, what a bizarre thing to be randomly said!)

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm very sensitive.
My best friend flew into town on a layover. We don't get to see each other too often and love to hang out. She's pg (4th) so a lot of the conversation was about pregnancy... and I guess it just hurt my feelings that she said "maybe you'll get pg and won't have to worry about adopting"
I told her, I'm not worried about adopting. Adopting isn't my plan B. I now know that it is God's plan for my life. We might try to get pg after bringing our children home, but it's something we're trying to prevent right now. I don't want to delay our adoption. I'm sure this sounds weird, but, I can sense my kids are out there already. I feel like I've been distanced from them and must get them home. They're not strangers to me, even though I don't know their names or ages or gender, they already have my heart. I pray for them continuously, they are my children and I need them to come home.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I just had a call from Robeez. They make the cutest little shoes for babies and toddlers. They are sending me some shoes to take to Colombia with us for the orphans there. What an awesome company!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

If everything is in order,... we'll be submitting our dossier tomorrow!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Bad Notary... No Cookie for you!


Today was going to be perfect. I was going to get the last paperwork apostilled and to the agency today in order to be flown out to Oregon, translated, and sent to Colombia on Wed night. Then they would of beat the Dec/Jan slow down.
However,
One of my papers couldn't be apostilled. The notary did not write "sworn and subscribed to before me..." instead she wrote "signed before me"
I sat at the apostille's office all afternoon and by the time they told me, It was too late to get it redone and back downtown. I'm so bummed.
I'm still going to be there when they open to have it fixed (already re-notarized) but the agency says it won't get to Oregon in time (of course with the holiday, thurs and fri are closed)
Then the program lady isn't there the last week of November so it will be December. I know we can still send it in, but not sure if this will drastically slow it down or not.
well,,, that's my vent.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

A little note about the adoption training we did... the content was excellent, I thought it was very important information that I am trying to commit to memory! There really wasn't any part that I disagreed with (yeah, that's unusual). We're waiting for the test results to come back (the essay questions have to be graded by hand) and I really hope I don't have to take them over again. This tiny vent is about the way the questions were worded. They did not express themselves clearly in the questions at all! It was extremely frustrating to try to figure out. The DVD's were very clear and it's like a whole other company made the tests. Which I suppose is possible.
Anyway, one trick I picked up in school was to keep writing until you've covered as much as possible... somewhere in my essay, I hope, is the answer they are looking for!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

J just called the agency to check on our test scores (for parenting training) and where the Dossier is...

It was approved (in the Oregon/Colombia office), sent back to Kansas, and
IS ON THE WAY TO COLOMBIA TODAY!!!
WooooHoooooooooooo!

So, we should get all cozy and relax for the next 5 months and then start anxiously waiting for a referral!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

We just had some REALLY good news today!
In the past, it has taken the Colombian government 4 to 5 months on average to process Dossier's and approve them. After that time, your wait starts.

The news is, they are working on approving them in 40 days! That is so exciting! That means we might get a match even sooner! My husband is so optimistic... I felt silly even hoping it would be this summer, but he thinks spring! Of course, I might be looking at this post two years from now wondering how we could of ever thought that!

Still, it is good news for all families adopting in Colombia that they are trying to speed up the process in several different ways!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

it was the next day everything fell apart. One week ago the agency called to tell us Colombia took our list away. Instead of getting our kids in a few months, we would be put at the bottom of a 3-4 year wait.

I don't believe it I would have any sanity left if we continued in this path. At the same time, I can't imagine giving up. I can see myself in Colombia with my kids, but maybe it's not meant to be. Or, not yet.

I don't know what to do. We've spent $6,000 on an adoption that seems impossible now. Obviously we won't be paying more money to them if we decide not to go through with it, but that's all of our savings. We have nothing left to start another adoption with.

I don't know what to do. I have an appt with our pastor, I need advice. I can't give up. I know there has to be some way for us to be parents. We'd be such awesome parents! We'd give kids all our attention, we love to show them things, J is great at explaining things to kids, we know kids love us, we'll roll around the floor with them, we're not afraid to look stupid, our kids would always know how important they are to us. I just don't understand what God's plan for us is. Why are we facing so many obstacles?

Let's recap
1. 6 m/c
2. adoption lawyer we started with moved away for family emergency
3. adoption agency promised us a short wait, turns into a 4 yr wait.

Does it seem to anyone else that we are extremely unfortunate?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I have spent the last week emailing and calling adoption agencies in the states. I cannot believe the average fee is $30,000! It makes me so mad! I'm sure they have expenses, but we can't do that. Even with the tax credit (which is spread out over a few years) And especially not now that we've lost $6.000 with the other adoption plan.

I am really going to be childless forever.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am now the momma of a baby boy! We adopted domestically and could not be more in love! He was born 8 weeks early and we'll probably be in the NICU for 5 weeks, but he is getting stronger and loves his momma & daddy!
I'm very glad I got to spend a lot of time with his birthmom so I have more to tell him as he gets older.