TTC to Adoption - Our Journey to Our Little One! :D
~*Welcome To My Adoption Journal!*~
Thanks for stopping by and taking a look at my journal! I hope you find it entertaining, and if you're considering adoption, I hope it helps at least a little bit. My husband and I are currently in the process of adopting a little girl from India. We are in our early twenties, and this will be our first baby! The adoption process is one of many hills and valleys, so please bear with me through my roller coaster of emotions!
Enjoy your stay!
The Current Weather In Poona, India:
Last edited by enchantedlife; 10-15-2008 at 09:49 AM.
Sunday, Feb 12, 2006:
Hi there!! Thanks for stopping by and reading my TTC journal. I guess I should fill you in on my situation. I am 22 years old, and DH is 23. We have been TTC on and off since April 2005, but my cycles have only really regulated themselves since about November or December 2005. So here I am, stuck in the TWW, with nowhere to go! Actually I am late for AF, but I've taken two tests so far and both were BFN's. So I guess I'm kind of in limbo - waiting for the to show her ugly @$$ face!!
Hmm, what else can I say? I go to school, and am almost done with my Bachelor's (yay!!) and DH is in the United States Air Force. We live far, far away from family but we'll be moving back home in a couple of years. Cannot wait!
So back to TTC. I really have no preference about whether we have a girl or boy first, although I am kind of leaning a little bit towards boy. But then I think how cute DH would be with a girl, and I want a girl! DH doesn't have a preference either, but he is leaning towards girl more because he wants her to look just like me! He's so cute.
We have the nursery painted (bright yellow), so now we're just waiting for baby! I keep looking at all the crib bedding, etc on line, and I sooo want to buy something! Come on spermies, catch that eggie! Geez, they're taking their sweet time, aren't they??
Today we watched March of the Penguins. It was a cute movie, but it made me sad too. It was a documentary, so it showed the penguins dying, etc. Some of the poor penguin babies died too. That was sooooo sad.
Anyway, I better go. It's time for bed! I'll see ya later!
I was working out at the gym today with my friend, and she said that when she was pregnant with her first, her HPT didn't show up positive till 2 months into the pregnancy! Now I'm filled with a kind of hope that maybe that could happen for me, too. But I don't have ANY pregnancy symptoms, not even sore boobs. I'm thinking about calling the clinic tomorrow and seeing if they suggest just waiting it out. *Sigh* I am so ready for the next cycle!!!
I worked on a bunch of new stuff for the website today! Mainly just bracelets. I'm incorporating "Mommy Bracelets" into it, which is basically where moms can customize the bracelets for girl or boy, and add their baby's names and birthstones to it. I think it'll be so cute on new moms! I also made a charm bracelet and a Swarovski bracelet. I'm hoping we'll be able to get those up on the website by this weekend at the latest.
Oh! Almost forgot - I took an OPK today because we BD'd yesterday and I saw what I thought was EWCM. I wanted to make sure it wasn't just semen, but it turned out that's exactly what it was - the OPK was negative. So at least I know my cycles aren't going crazy and making me O whenever.
I'm thinking that if I don't see AF by Monday the 20th, I'll POAS one last time to see where I'm at. After that, it's off to the OB clinics for three pregnancy tests and one blood test for me!
Wow. I was on my board (TTC 0-12) and apparently, one of the regulars on there was a troll!! I was sooo shocked to learn that Missy had to ban her from the boards! She's been banned from a lot of different TTC boards on the net, apparently. She made up this whole life! She said she had 11 kids, and wanted 15, lived in this $400K house, had a BMW among other cars, her DH was 60+ years old and they still BD'd every single day!! I never pieced it all together (I never even saw most of these posts) but I guess I just took her word for everything else that she said and never questioned her. Yikes, what a mess.
Anyway, I took another HPT last night, and of course, BFN. Not that I was expecting anything different, but I am so tired of a MIA AF!! I forgot to call my doc today, too. Have to remember to do that tomorrow!
Oh! One of DH's friends came by today and bought a bracelet and earrings for his girlfriend for V Day. I thought that was very sweet of him to buy from us.
Okay, so new developments! I called my doctor's office this afternoon and told them that I was on CD 38 and AF was MIA. I was really impressed, because I rec'd a call back in 15 minutes!! Record time for the Air Force! Anyway, the nurse who helped me was a civilian, and she was really sweet. She said that I might still be pregnant, because for many women the hCG doesn't show up in OTC HPT's until 6 weeks past the first day of the last menstrual period (which would be February 19th for me). She set up a lab urine pg test for me on Tuesday, the 21st. She said they open at 8:30 AM (and believe me, I will be there at 8:30! ) and if it comes back negative, then they'll take a look at me and we can advance with other treatments. Yay!!! I am sooo happy!! Finally, I won't be stuck in limbo land anymore!!!!
I am pondering whether I might want to get started on Clomid. At first, when my doc mentioned it to me, I said no way. I wanted my body to go back to normal in the most natural way possible. But now I've been off Depo since April 2005, and here I am with messed up cycles. Maybe I'll chart for a couple of cycles and if I'm not O'ing, I'll go on Clomid for a round or two and see how it does with me. *Sigh* I am not feeling very optimistic about being pregnant at all. I really believe if I was pregnant, it would've shown up on an HPT by now. I mean, I tested as late as 02/14/06 (not with FMU) and that would've been about 20 DPO by my calculations!! There are certain people who don't get + HPT's before then, but they also have other pg symptoms and I have none. Nada. Zilch. I don't even have sore boobs, which I usually get before AF. Blah. I just feel so down.
CD 41! Sheesh. I'm starting to lose faith in the whole TTC process. DH says I need to be optimistic - he had predicted we wouldn't get pregnant till March or April, and here it is in February and I'm already losing hope. I guess he does have a point. I am just so tired of AF being gone. I have been charting my temps for the past three or four days now, just to see what they're doing in this seemingly never-ending LP, and I had a big spike this morning. So I'm guessing it was an annovulatory cycle, or else they would be pretty low. Ah, who knows? To avoid all this questioning and wondering, I'm going to chart my temps from now on. I don't care when AF comes or what happens, I am going to chart my temps every morning! That being said, I'm getting pretty nervous about getting that pregnancy test done on Tuesday. I know I definitely need to rule out pregnancy, but I soooo don't want to hear her say, "Sorry, you're not pregnant." I don't know how I'd respond to that. I hate when people pity me, so I don't want to show disappointment. But she knows we're trying, so I can't exactly say, "Woo hoo!" either. I guess I'm making things harder than they have to be. She seemed like a sweetheart, and I'm sure she'll be professional with me no matter what the results are. It's just so heartbreaking to get those da** BFN's.
DH and I babysat R's kids the other day. They were so cute, especially the little guy. It made my heart ache for a little one! He laid on DH's lap and hugged me around the knees while I was making him oatmeal. *Melt*
Edited To Add: Well, I was on the Adoption Option boards, and it got me thinking: we were planning on adopting a child from India before we decided to give TTC another chance. Now I'm wondering if we should take that up where we left off, if we don't get pregnant by July. We were planning on just stopping TTC if we weren't pregnant by July, so I could just do school full time (I'd have to start commuting). What if we started paperwork to adopt from India instead? I'm an NRI so I would be given preference over all the other people trying to adopt. The most it would take us from start to finish is 16 months; which means we could have our little girl by November 2007! The kids are between 10 and 14 months when they get to the US, which would be just perfect.
DH and I had a long talk this morning. I told him how stressful this whole TTC thing was starting to become for me. So we came up with a plan. We are going to try till June 2006, and I'm going to keep charting. If we're not pregnant in June, we're going to see my doctor and see what they say. If they tell us to keep trying indefinitely, or if they want me to start on drugs that I'm not comfortable with, then we're going to pursue adoption! I feel so relieved that we have a plan now, something that I can look forward to. I feel less like I'm just floating around in limbo land! Phew.
I took a pg test this morning, and BFN of course. I just threw the test on the floor, I was so mad and frustrated. DH held me and told me everything was going to be okay. He thinks we still have a chance. I'm not so sure.
Well, DH and I had a long talk about adopting a little girl from India. I started crying while we were talking because of how strongly I feel like I need to help the kids there. I've lived there - I've seen the conditions that those poor children live in. And since I'm Indian, I guess I feel a sense of obligation to adopt from India. DH completely understood; in fact he said he feels the same way, that we could change a little girl's life all around and love her with all our hearts. So we're actually talking about going ahead with the process in a couple of months!! We're just really going to keep talking this through and thoroughly researching agencies (we already know of a couple of good ones from starting to pursue adoption in November). DH's promotion pay kicks in in either March or April, so that will be a good time to get things rolling. Plus, we're paying off one of the cars with our tax refund this year, so that will free up a lot of money per month as well. I am so excited - I cannot believe we're going to have a little girl next year!!! I am also a little in shock - I am going to be a mommy!!!!
Here's a picture of the crib bedding I really like! It's very, very girly, and since it's got so much pink, I would probably just get the quilt and bumper and wall art. The rest of the accents would have to be plain so it wouldn't be pink overload like it is in the picture!
I really like it. DH thinks it's too girly! The ballerina bear theme is just sooo adorable, imo. I had saved this in my favorites from when we had first started talking about adoption. It's so much fun to drag all this out and look at it again! It gives me so much hope and so much to look forward to.
Oh, and DH and I were discussing names again. We want names that have Indian roots but can also be pronounced by people who speak only English. So far we have Ria and Maya. DH LOVES Ria. I wonder what would be a good middle name for Ria?
Edited To Add: Wow, it's 4 AM here and I cannot sleep! I took a loooong nap earlier today though, and that's probably why. Well, I guess I'll tell you what DH did for me today. As you know, I was bummed from the BFN. We were supposed to go to this awesome Carribean themed restaurant tonight to celebrate our date-aversary (anniversary of our first official date 5 years ago!), but I fell asleep instead. DH tried to wake me up but I said I didn't want to go. He felt bad because I felt bad, so... he ran to the grocery store and bought a whole bunch of ingredients. Then he printed off the restaurant's menu. He also decorated our dining room to look like the restaurant would look - Christmas lights around the windows, a gorgeous table runner down the center and candles everywhere. Then he woke me up, told me to get dressed (fancy) and meet him downstairs. When I got downstairs, he gave me the menu and told me he would make me anything off the menu!!!! How is that for sweet??????????? And then, I told him it was so amazing that he had done all of this for me, and he says, "Baby, you are worth so much more. I would do this every night for a thousand years if that's what it takes to make you happy." I melted. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell this man is going to make a wonderful father???? *Sigh*
I've decided to get a job! I've always had a job but seeing as how we live in a podunk town, the jobs here usually entail working with people who are pretty ignorant. And being that I'm A) A woman and B) Indian, I always manage to attract the idiots. So I quit, started the jewelry business, and just focused on school. Now that we're going through with the adoption, though, I think it'll be a good idea for me to start adding to our savings account. That way we can take out a smaller loan in a couple of months and finance certain things with just cash. I'm going to call my old boss and ask him if he would like me to come back on an as-needed basis, for 10-15 hours a week. When I quit, he told me that I was welcome back at any time, so I'm hoping there won't be a problem.
DH and I were calculating, and we think we'll start the process (homestudy and everything) in May or June. That way we'll have a few more hundred dollars in our savings, our car will have been paid off for a month or two (thus adding an asset to our fund) and I'll have a job. I cannot wait! I bet it's going to drag until we bring our baby home, and then we'll look back and say, "Wow! We're all done!"
We're thinking we won't tell anyone about adoption until we have a referral for a couple of months. Except DH's parents, of course. We'll probably tell them as soon as we complete the homestudy and dossier paperwork. Oh! And we were thinking, and we'll probably go stay with them for a few days once we bring our daughter home. I'm a little worried about her being stressed out, but like DH said, it's all going to be new to her anyway, and we'll just tell DH's family to show up in two's and three's so as not to overwhelm her. They are really good about stuff like that, so I don't think we'll have any major problems. She'll just sleep in our bed with us (which I think we'll do anyway for the first month or so) at night, and we'll bring extra clothes and baby things with us. I bet they'll be so excited to see her!!!!