I found out a way to keep from jumping every time the phone rings! I've set the agency's number to a different ringtone. That way, when they call, I'll know it's definitely them. Gotta get back to work!
Is there a way to keep from going completely insane during the wait for a referral? If there is, and someone knows it, would you PLEASE tell me? I just know that our paperwork has to be en route from India right now, and I want to know our baby's name, and what she looks like, and whatever else information they can tell us! NOW! I've heard of adoption hormones, and I swear, I have them right now. I am so tense and twitchy, I've got to be such a joy to live with. DH hasn't said anything though, the poor soul. I bet he's afraid of the consequences! LOL.
We went to Toys 'R' Us the other night and got a book and a teether for the baby. They had some ADORABLE clothes there, but we've decided not to spend any more money on clothes until we know her weight and what size to buy. Anyway, the book is "Goodnight Moon" which is a favorite among all the kids I know. So DH and I were reading it, and he says, "Oh my God, that is so repetitive! There is no way our baby will like that." I don't think he understands how baby minds work. I tried to explain it to him, but I don't think he really gets it. I wonder what it must be like to have NO idea of what to expect from your baby before you get her. I mean, for me, I teach preschool and I've taken enough child development courses to know at least somewhat what to expect. But DH has no daily interaction with children at all, he has no young cousins, so this is going to be brand new for him. I wonder if he'll freak out about it. Somehow I doubt it. DH has an amazing ability to roll with the punches. Me on the other hand, I have to be prepared. When we were TTC I explored every imaginable resource, so I knew everything there was to know. The same thing with adoption. I have to arm myself with knowledge to take away the scariness of something, if that makes sense. DH is more like, we'll learn as we go along. I guess we balance each other out really well.
We got a packet from MAPS, and even though I knew it was just our official acceptance into the program, my heart was still racing as I opened it. WHY do I do that to myself??
Anyway, I decided to make a list of things I want to find out about my baby. That way, when we get to go get her, I can look at this list again and answer these questions! These are some things I always ask myself about her -
Is her hair curly or straight?
Does she have a lot of it?
Does she coo and laugh a lot?
When will she say her first word and what will it be?
Will she be shy or outgoing?
Is she fussy or a contented baby?
Will she track my voice and watch me when I'm in the same room as her? How soon after we adopt her will she do that?
Does she have nightmares? Does someone comfort her when she wakes up crying at the orphanage?
I hope my baby's doing okay, and that someone is giving her the love and kisses that she needs.
No referral. Wish I could fast forward through next week just to find out if we get the referral next week. I hate getting my hopes up, and at the end of the week, swallowing the bitter pill of realization that the referral hasn't come. I hope that doesn't sound too dramatic. I know it's not even the date that I expected the referral to come yet, but that's my logical side, you know? My logical side knows that it'll probably be at least the 24th before we get a referral. But my heart says, "No, maybe it'll be sooner!" Stupid heart. It just makes it harder for me.
I changed my ticker and moved the Referral Day date back to the 1st just in case we don't get our referral by the 24th. I don't want to look at it and see "Referral Day!!" and not have a referral, you know? It would upset me too much. The 1st will be over three weeks since I talked to Jenny, so I am really, really hoping it will be here by then. My hopes of the referral coming by the 24th are fading fast because I realized that Thanksgiving is the 23rd, and so they are probably closed the 23rd and 24th. I'm just trying to be as patient as possible!! It's not so easy.
Thank you for your sweet messages, I am still here and kicking. Still no word on the referral, but come Monday I will be on pins and needles again! There's just no way around it, I've realized that. I guess I'm not the only one, though - we spoke to DH's parents yesterday and MIL kept asking when we would know more. "How come you guys didn't get the referral this week? Can you call Jenny and ask her what the hold-up is? I was really hoping it would be this week! Promise you'll call as soon as you get her pictures?" etc., etc. I had to convince her that Jenny did say 2-3 weeks, so there's no point in calling her just yet. It's so cute that they're so excited, I truly feel blessed!
On another positive note, we ate Thanksgiving Dinner at our friend's house. This is our yearly tradition, and so this year after dinner, we all sat down and were talking when my friend's mom (who calls me her adoptive daughter) says, "Come with me, I have something for you." So I went with her and she opens a closet and pulls out ALL these baby clothes and things that she's been saving for the baby since she found out we're at the top of the waiting list! It was so incredibly touching. It's important to note that this is a woman who doesn't have a lot of money of her own, so she brought all this stuff home from a used-things store she volunteers at during the week. They get to pick things out for themselves, and she picked all these baby things for us. I was so moved. It feels so wonderful to know that Addie is already so loved, even before we know who she really is!
It is just past 9 AM in Pune, India right now. I wonder what Addie's doing. Maybe she's being fed her breakfast, or maybe she's playing with a friend. I just wish I could have a glimpse into her life and see her right now. That would give me more joy than anything.
Almost Monday... another week of waiting and hoping begins!
I have some exciting news!! It's not THE exciting news we've all been waiting for, but it's still something! Jenny emailed me and said that she has the details on our DAUGHTER!!!!! The baby is not legally free for adoption yet, but will be within the next two weeks. That means that although Jenny knows everything about her, she can'te give us any details yet!! However, I AM BEYOND EXCITED that she knows about our daughter!!!!! I mean, we have a baby officially in our file, they just can't disclose the information to us yet!! I am really hoping the fact that she's not legally free yet means she's pretty young, because that's what I've been reading. AAHHH! So the potential annoying news is that we have to wait for that clearance to come through and that might take another two weeks before we get her official information. BUT the GREAT news is that we have a baby!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
I sent Jenny an email asking if she could at least tell me the baby's age so we can start buying clothes! I don't know what their policy is, but I hope she can! DH is disappointed - he really, really wanted pictures! I told him if the baby was legally free we'd have all that now, so he's like, "Another two weeks?? Blah!" Daddies get impatient too!
I emailed DH's parents today and told them about our news. They (especially MIL) were sooooo excited!! She called me while I was at work, and she was just bubbling over with all the clothes she wanted to buy, and all the stuff she wanted to make for the baby. I was really touched because she asked me if she could make the baby a Christmas stocking. MIL is super talented, and she made DH a Christmas stocking when he was a baby. It's breath-taking! We still have it. And when we got married, she made me one too. And now, she wants to make Addie one! I was soooo moved, I told her of course she could! She also was saying how she stops to look at baby clothes now, and she saw the cutest Christmas dresses she wanted to get the baby. And apparently people at her office have started calling her "Grandma" because she's so excited about it. Aren't we lucky?? Addie's going to be SO loved, and so spoiled!!
DH and I are going to buy a mei tai from babyhawk.com this weekend. Here is the pattern we chose. It's suitably neutral so DH won't feel silly wearing it.