Everyday I walk around with a light in my eyes and a smile in my heart (if that makes sense!). This must be what happy pregnant women feel like. It's so amazing to know that my baby and I will be crossing paths soon. All this - TTC and adoption - happened this way so we could be the parents to this particular baby girl, our baby girl. All along, it was destined and written in our stars that we were meant to be a family. Thank you, God. For everything.
Midnight in Pune (Pooh-nay), India... I wonder what Addie's dreaming about. I hope she's having sweet dreams, and she can feel the love radiating from my heart to hers.
I'm not sure if we'll be allowed to send her care packages while we wait to travel, but I hope so! Here is a list of stuff I came up with to include in a package:
- Soft photo album with pictures of DH, me and the fur babies.
- Disposable camera for her Aya (caretaker) with instructions in Hindi and English.
- A letter to her Aya in Hindi.
- A comfy cotton t-shirt or dress.
- Soft toy (preferably with mirror), on which I will rub some of my lotion.
ETA - A lovey (thanks Elicia!)
Anything else I could add?
We found Addie's ornament! I had wanted to get her a special first ornament for this Christmas and hang it on the tree, because I have this ache in my heart that she's in an orphanage halfway across the world while we enjoy a comfy, cozy Christmas here in our home. So DH and I went online tonight and picked one out (that was our only option, besides going to WalMart - the ONE store our tiny town has ). Here it is!
And this pic shows it in its entirety (although the message is just their standard one off the website - ours will say Adriana like on the first pic).
The bottom little star says 2006. Isn't it pretty? I think it'll be so beautiful on our tree. A portion of the proceeds go to the Make A Wish foundation too, so we really felt like it was the perfect first ornament for our baby.
It was funny, as we did up our tree and lights today, I felt so sad in my heart. DH looked at me and confessed that he felt the same way. So we didn't even do hardly any lights outside, and we didn't hang up all our ornaments on our tree. We both made a pact that we're going to go all out next year, for Adriana's first Christmas with us!!
I don't think I posted this on here, but I am so excited about it, I have to share! DH and I were talking, and there is a very good chance I'll be able to stay at home with Addie once we come back from India! This is something I've really, really wanted for me and for her for a really long time. So we sat down and looked at our finances, and we're in better shape than we had though we would be. Yay!! I really hope it pans out! I feel bad for my boss, she's always saying if I ever quit she'll be in a bad state because it's so hard to find good preschool teachers in this town, but... this is my baby! I think having her at home with me will be really much better for her development than having a stranger watch her for 5-6 hours a day.
Feeling kind of reflective tonight (actually, it's already Monday morning, blech!! ). I so wish I had a mom I could share all of this with right now. I visit various birth boards, and read about people talking about their pregnancies and their babies with their mothers and I ache. Yes, it's true I have DH's mom, but while she is wonderful and I am so, so grateful for her, she is not my mom, you know? I don't think of her as "mom", she just doesn't feel like that. Like I was telling DH tonight, she feels more like a big sister or a sweet aunt. But the alternative is even worse. I cannot imagine having Addie around a person like my mother. I would not be able to tolerate the guilt and apprehension I would feel everytime she criticized her, or if she ever laid a finger on her, I think I would honestly just lose it. I could never put my child in that kind of danger. I just wonder if I will ever find peace in this. I know this is a healthy choice I made by deciding never to speak with my parents again, but God, I still miss them sometimes. Inspite of all of the abuse, they were and are, still my parents. When will that hole in my heart close up?
I quit my second job tonight! No more 14 hour workdays, no more barely seeing DH, no more crazy perverts and weirdos!!
You can read about it here: http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=622709
Also, I am excited because I just checked out the CARA website (CARA is the government agency in India that does adoptions), and people who hold Indian passports but live in another country (like me) have been moved to the top of the list as far as how fast they will process our paperwork to bring Addie home. That is really great news! Also, I am very hopeful that Addie's clearance will come through next week from reading on their website too. I just hope they're not dawdling!!
I soooo want to get this for Addie.
I am going to make a more elaborate blog for her once we get her referral.
It's 3:30 AM on Sunday. I am so tired, but I feel weirdly wired at the same time.
Anyway, I've been doing a lot of research online for this adoption clearance we're waiting on. From everything I've read, it says that we don't need a specific clearance since I hold an Indian passport. Once the child is already in the orphanage and the birthparents' rights have been terminated, they should be able to refer the child to us right away. So I emailed Jenny to ask her exactly what this clearance was that they were applying for. Hope she replies soon. The only thing I can think of is that maybe the baby was just found/relinquished a couple of months ago and the clearance they're applying for is just terminating the birthparents' rights. I don't know, I guess I'll find out next week when she emails me back. I really hope our referral comes next week!!
It looks like DH and I might end up buying an Ergo rather than a cloth baby carrier. You can check them out here: www.ergobabycarrier.com. They don't have the long straps to contend with, which we love, and it seems easier to put on than the Mei Tai. Also better for backs (both baby's and ours!) which is very important to me. We're going to a store here to try it out before we buy it. I think I like the black with cranberry lining best.
It's funny, but I'm actually a little sad that I don't get to go to work tomorrow (Preschool, not the crappy gas station!). I love working with those kids! I was telling DH that maybe I'll work part-time until Addie's really well-adjusted into her new life. That way she'll only be at daycare for 3 hours a day, and I can still keep my job. Then I can go back to working full-time, and she'll be at daycare about 5-6 hours. I'm keeping my options open so that I can see what she and I are ready for once we get home.
We got some awesome news today!! Jenny emailed me, and said that the clearance we are waiting on is the initial relinquishment of the birthparent rights. She said the baby was brought to the orphanage about two months ago, and she didn't say it in so many words, BUT most likely the baby is only 8-12 weeks old!!!! This means that she will be only about 5 months old when we go foster her!!!!! I am so, so excited and I cannot wait to buy little tiny baby clothes now!!!! I was so expecting the baby to be closer to a year! She also said that she is going to call Minal in Pune today and ask her exactly what's going on with the paperwork, and when it's going to be signed off so we can get the referral. Yay!!!! Even if we don't get the referral right away, these little updates really make my day!! DH is beyond excited about his little girl being so young, too!