I couldn't help it - I bought Addie a Christmas present that we can give her in the spring when we get her for good! I promised myself I wouldn't buy anymore clothes until we knew how old she was, and I did well!! I went to the BX (the Air Force's version of a higher end Target) today, and saw the *cutest* little Christmas dress in 3/6 months! It can be used as an Easter dress too, or a general "dress up" dress, and I just couldn't resist. I soo want her to wear this when we bring her home to visit family! Okay, without further ado, here it is:
It's actually dark green velvet at the top, not black. And it comes with a pair of really sweet little bloomers.
What do you think?
The ornament is beautiful!! Even more beautiful than the pictures, if that's possible. DH and I opened up the package together, and then hung it up on tree. It's on the highest branch, above all the other ornaments. We've decided to make this a tradition, and get her a special ornament every year.
You know, I was thinking about it, and even if Jenny had emailed me and told me the baby was 40 lbs and 18 months old I would still have been just as happy. It wasn't that the baby is so young (although that is a great "perk", getting to spend more time with her!), it was just that she was giving me more information on my child. That is just the best present this time of year. I live to hear little things they can tell me about this baby, my baby. If I can't be with my daughter right now, then the next best thing is getting information about her from people who can, right?
DH's mom emailed me and she is so, so excited as I had expected! She's going to call us this weekend to talk about the baby. She's so adorable, I think she is just so excited she's finally getting to dress up a baby girl after having two extremely tomboyish boys! She keeps saying how beautiful Addie is going to be with her black hair and big brown eyes. I am so glad they have warmed up so much to the adoption!!
I emailed Jenny today to ask her if she had had a chance to talk to the India coordinator, Minal, yet. She didn't email me yesterday, so I'm guessing they weren't able to touch base. Hopefully she'll find out the EXACT date of the baby's legal separation from her parents sometime this week! At least if I know that date, it won't be like waiting for an unknown period of time!
It felt good to go back to work today after a long weekend. Those kids are my life right now! They keep me so positive about the world, and life in general. Is there anything more beautiful than a child's innocence? They all hugged me and loved on me all day today. I think they missed me too.
I have been thinking about Addie's birthmother a lot lately. Who is she? What were the circumstances that forced her to give up her beautiful baby girl? Does she think about her everyday and wonder who her parents will be? I think she does... I know and fully accept that Addie and she will be connected forever. I plan to foster and encourage this thread of connection Addie will feel to her birthmother. I am so thankful for her birthmother's choice to place her for adoption. India has many, many abortion clinics, and easy access to them for unwed and/or poverty-stricken mothers. It must have taken unimaginable courage to be visibly pregnant and decide to give her baby life amongst all the critics and judgemental fingers pointed at her. I wish there was a way I could thank her and reassure her that we will love and cherish this baby with all our hearts. I would love to send her pictures and stories about Addie. But I guess the best I can do is say a prayer for her every night.
More good news (and some more annoying news that invariably seems to be mixed in with the good!)!! Jenny emailed me, and then I called and talked to her to be sure I was understanding everything right. The baby's birthparent's rights have been terminated, but the paperwork is still in with the government. Jenny said it might take till the end of December because of the holiday season. She is going to be keep in touch with our India coordinator so we can be kept abreast of all the news. I am just so happy that the baby is "free" now for all intents and purposes - we just have to wait for a signature now! I had a feeling I would get all attached to this baby and then something would happen and she would slip through our fingers. But nope, she is definitely matched to us!!!! Jenny was also able to give me some more information since the paperwork has officially been submitted. She said the India coordinator, Minal, has been visiting the baby regularly and she said the baby is "very vibrant and healthy". Apparently the baby interacts very well with her, and is very bright!!!!! I was so, so happy to hear this, and also that they were visiting her regularly to make sure everything was being done right and she's being taken care of!! Thank you, God!!
I posted this on the adoption boards, but wanted to post here as well. It's soooo weird, but even though I haven't seen Addie yet I feel like I'm going through this strange hormonal-emotional stage. Like, whenever I see or hear anything about infants at that age that's sad, I want to weep and sometimes do. I've always felt sad when I read stories like that, but never to the point I am now. I mean, I actually feel a fear in my heart for her now! And this little five month old boy I know, whenever he cries or is sad, it absolutely breaks my heart because I think of Addie. How weird is that?? One of my best friends had warned me about this happening, and I didn't really understand what she was talking about at that time. But now I think I'm beginning to! It's a little scary to think that I'm losing control over my own emotions, but it's also nice to be making this first step into mommyhood.
It's crazy, but looking at my ticker, I can't believe it's been 16 days since we were told that Addie had been identified for us! Feels like just yesterday. I sooo hope that the clearance comes through this month, and if it doesn't, I hope I get another really juicy update!
We have a $20 giftcard to Old Navy/Gap/BR that I want to use to get baby clothes. What's really cheap/useful at those places for babies? I'm thinking maybe if they have onesies or something like that... I sooo want to go shopping this weekend for the baby! I think I'm having nesting urges - I want her stuff to be all ready to go! I hope we get some stuff for Christmas for the baby; it'll help us out a lot! We have so much stuff we still need, I may have a panic attack if I really sit down and think about it!
For some reason, people who hear that we have a baby seem to think that it's not for 100% certain, even though I tell them otherwise. I get emails saying, "Hope it all works out" and "I know nothing's for sure yet, but I have a feeling you will get her" - umm, I TOLD you we have her, so why do you feel the need to say that?? To be fair, it was only two people who said that, but still. It's weird. Plus, on one board that I posted the news, I got a ton of "I hope it all works out". I don't know if people just assume that a lot of adoptions fall through or what. It's a little frustrating, but I try to remind myself that these are people who have never been through the adoption process. So all they have to go on is the sensationalistic stories they've heard and read about, where parents lose their adopted children in the middle of the process. At least DH's parents have now gotten over their fear that the whole process will fall through! It used to bug me that they refused to get excited at the beginning but I recently found out it was because they were under the impression that a lot of international adoptions fall through. I hope as more awareness grows people realize that this is simply not true.
We went shopping today! Unfortunately we didn't see anything we liked at Old Navy, but we did see a ton of stuff at Target. We got a onesie that says, "I LOVE (shopping with) MY MOMMY". It's the cutest thing! We also got ducky booties and a pair of cute pants with ruffles on the butt part. We saw a ton of cute stuff online at oldnavy.com though, so I'm off to go buy some stuff right now!
I realized today that my first thought when I wake up is always, "I wonder how Addie's doing". And then I wish she was here so I could hug her and lay in bed with her for a little while. I bet babies make waking up so much more fun!
I emailed Jenny to ask her if we can send Addie and her aya (caretaker) a care package even though we don't officially have a referral yet. I would love to! DH wants to send a few gifts for the other babies at the orphanage too, but I think that can wait till we go to India. I don't want to send a ton of things through the mail for various reasons. Plus, we'll get a better idea of what the orphanage needs from our travel package from the agency as our travel date gets closer.
I've been reading this series of books by an Irish author, Sinead Moriarty. The first book is called Baby Trail, and the second one is called The Right Fit. It's really cool because the first book is about the main character's struggle with infertility, and how she decides to adopt at the end. And the second book (which I just bought last night), is about her journey through the world of international adoption. I can't wait to read it! A lot of things I could really identify with in the first one. The feelings of wanting to tear your hair out, and cry, and rage against the unfairness of not being able to get pregnant to the peace and tranquility of making the decision to adopt.
I made Addie's new blog today! It's only got one "introductory" entry right now, but once we get her referral, I intend to post on there a lot more. And once we bring her home, that will become my permanent journal. Here's the address: http://princessaddie.blogspot.com
And in other good news, I made a B on my marketing final that I thought I had failed!! I don't know how that happened, but I'm not complaining!