Hmm, well, my talk with my parents was just what I expected. My dad actually talked to me as if I had been on a little vacation somewhere and I hadn't been able to talk to him. "So, what has been going on with you? How are the pets? How's Tim?" etc. Absolutely no acknowledgement of what happened. My mom was playing the martyr card, as always. Her tone was "I'm hurt, but I forgive you". I wasn't asking for forgiveness, especially since I've done nothing wrong! I could tell she was very intimidated by how much I've changed too. I was never as independent or sure of myself as I am now, and that scared her. She always liked to control us, so I am sure it was a shock that I wasn't manipulated by her words/tone. Like I told DH, I'm glad I got to talk to my Dad. I just think that if he had passed away without me ever talking to him, it would've weighed on my mind. Now that we've talked, I am content to not talk to them for a while. I think it'll be best for everyone that way.
I am practically giddy with excitement right now! (No, we haven't gotten her referral ). However, I did speak with an aunt of mine who lives in Mumbai, very close to Addie's orphanage. She is one of the people I had emailed. She and my uncle are so excited that we're adopting, and going to India, that she has basically offered us an apartment to live in rent-free the whole time we are there. She said we could stay there as long as we wanted to. She and her family are going to help us get around. AND, she also said that once we get Addie's referral, she will go the orphanage personally every weekend if we want to play with her, take pictures of her and send us updates!! How awesome is this?? And, since we now know we won't have to spend almost a $1000 on rent/month there, we can go foster her as soon as the Indian government gives us the go-ahead! So this means we could potentially be leaving for India as early as the end of February or March! I get so much more time with my daughter, and for this I cannot be grateful enough. Yay!! And meanwhile, we can get pictures and updates of her. I am soooo happy!
I was in Addie's room, staring at all the stuff we seem to have acquired for her. How the heck are we going to be able to take it all?? The bumbo and boppy alone will take up so much room! I guess we'll just need to really utilize DH's crazy packing skills. It seems like he's able to fit a store-size amount of clothes in a little overnight bag - don't ask me how he does it. I am certainly not that talented! Seriously though, our plan of attack I think will be to take very few clothes and diapers, as I'm sure we can find those over there. I'm also not going to take very many clothes since I'm going to buy the traditional Indian clothes while I'm over there. Gah. I have to keep telling myself not to panic - at least not until we get her referral and decide when we're going to travel.
Grr, I am so annoyed at Jenny right now. I emailed her on 12/27/06, with some questions, and she never got back to me. So I emailed her again last night and she hasn't emailed me so far. She used to be so good about getting back to me, but now that we're waiting on the clearance, it seems like she ignores us a lot more. I would think it would be the other way around! Anyway, so I called and left her a message. One thing I've learned about adoption is never to let them "forget" you. That can be a very bad thing, because there's a tendency for you to slip through the cracks. I know she's busy and all that, but it just irks me that she used to be so good about touching base with me, and now it's like weeks pass by and we get nothing. All this after we were told, it'll be 2 weeks. I wish adoption agencies would be more sympathetic towards parents in the waiting game! I'll update if/once I hear from Jenny. Hope it'll be sooner rather than later!
Okay, so I got an email from Jenny about what is going on with the baby's clearance. Here is what she had to say:
I am so sorry that this clearance issue is taking so long. It is partly to do with the end of the year and possibly other factors I am not fully aware of. Minal is meeting with the orphanage director from the orphanage tomorrow to discuss what is happening with the clearance. I will be talking with Minal again on Thursday and will contact you after I have an update.
Try to hang in there Sandhya…the clearances will come through!!
Well, I’ll look forward to talking with you Thursday.
Btw, Minal is the India contact for MAPS. I cannot believe they STILL don't know what's going on with it! I am starting to get really mad! If we don't get a satisfactory answer soon, I am going to have DH call and talk to them. He seems to think that if we put a little more pressure on them, they'll in turn put more pressure on the people in charge of the clearance and have it pushed through soon. Of course, this is all assuming that there is no other major problem going on that is keeping the baby from getting a clearance. Grr. I am just so frustrated! I'll update again on Thursday when I find out more!
Okay, feeling a little less mad today. I talked with DH, and we both decided that it does sound like Jenny is being honest and more forthright than in the past, when she kept saying "two more weeks". At least now she's admitting they don't know what the problem is and are taking steps to fix it. I calmed down a lot after we talked about it. Now we're just going to wait and see what she says, and what they're planning to do about it. *Sigh* Tomorrow cannot get here fast enough!
Great. Another nothing day. Here's what happened (copied off my post on the Adoption board):
OMFG, kill me now! I didn't hear anything all day from Jenny, so I called her with 20 minutes to spare till the end of her day (they're on eastern time). Her assistant says she's on the other line, so I leave a message. Then I get off the phone and email her as well. I basically said we were really anxious to know what was said in her phone call to her India contact. This is what I got back, "I haven't heard from the India contact yet. I was hoping I'd get an email from her today. I plan to call her tomorrow morning specifically to ask about the clearance. I will update you as soon as I hear more." Like it's not enough that we've had to wait so long?!?! I am so tired of waiting! *Sigh* The good news is that she usually emails me really early in the morning on Fridays when she calls Minal, so I'll know tomorrow morning. IF she really does call and IF Minal has some news.
Another day, another promise broken. Jenny didn't call or email me. I called her office, and they said she wasn't coming in to work today and wouldn't be in till Tuesday. DH and I talked, and we decided he's going to call her on Tuesday and get some answers. Mainly we want to know why she's so slow with getting back to us and keeping us updated on our adoption. It doesn't take too long to type out an email that says, "No new information, I'll keep you posted" or something to that effect. SOMETHING to make us feel like we were being kept in the loop of things. Ugh, what a mess. DH said depending on what she says and how she says it, we'll have to make a decision about whether we want to stick with MAPS, or go to another agency and a different program. I'm even wondering if there really is a baby girl who's been identified for us, or if this was just a big lie to shut me up and keep me from "hounding" her. I just don't know what to think. I'm just tired of being given the run-around. We paid for their services, they need to be better at keeping us informed. Bottom line: Don't ever let anyone tell you adoption is the easy way out!! I'll update once I know more.
I love DH! Not only did he get Jenny on the phone, he actually got her to apologize and give us some information! Anyway, I just got a voicemail from him and I tried calling him at work, but his line was busy so I don't know ALL the details yet. Basically, she said that the baby girl who was identified at Orphanage A (what I'll call it to be less confusing) is still waiting on a clearance. There is nothing seriously wrong, but the Indian government has to meet some quota before it can sign off on the clearance, and that probably won't be met till March. SO, because we're number one on the waiting list, the India contact has identified ANOTHER baby girl for us at Orphanage B. This little girl's clearance has already been applied for, and is in the process of being signed off on. She said it should take a week to ten days at most for her clearance to come through, and then we can get her information and referral. She said she is going to talk to her India contact on Thursday and see where they're at on that. Of course, a small part of me wants to go WOO HOO!! We might be getting our little girl's information in 10 days, but I'm not that stupid. I'll say woo hoo when it really happens - and believe me, this time I am not holding my breath!
So it looks like we'll have some improvement on the agency front, and HOPEFULLY a referral very soon. I am just soooo relieved we can proceed from where we left off!! Thank you all for being so supportive of me, you really helped me get through this! I LOVE you ladies!!
Okay, just got off the phone with DH. He said Jenny told him that the new baby girl at Orphanage B is 6 months old. She said once she talks to her India contact, we'll have a choice between accepting the two babies. I hate decisions like that, but we're sure we're going to go with the one who has the clearance rather than the previous one. Somehow makes me feel bad for the first one, but I'm sure she'll find a family once her clearance comes through.
So there ya have it! Thank you allll for all the supportive messages I've received while waiting on this information! I really have never felt sooo down about the adoption since we started, but it was so nice to have people who were there for me and pulling for us. THANK YOU. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I can't help but get excited at the thought of a referral so soon! But I keep reminding myself not to do that to myself again... what if something happens again and we're stuck without one for months?? So I have to really work at being calm and rational about this. But the mommy part of me wants to go My baby's coming, my baby's coming!!
I'm also feeling bad for the other baby girl, the one who was first identified for us. Although we never got any information on her, I feel SO bad that we'll be picking the newer baby girl over her. I know we have to think of our mental health, and what if her clearance never comes through - but still, it's kind of like, all these kids don't have parents and I just wish I could bring them all home. Ah, we do what we can right?
I'M GOING TO BE A MOM!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, now that that's out of my system, from now on, I'll be cautiously happy.