Not much news to report. We did go baby shopping on Friday, and got almost ALL the stuff we need for our trip to India! It feels so good to be able to say that! Especially since the trip is only 3 weeks away!!!
We're thinking we might take our kitty with us. We're not comfortable leaving him here without us, and it doesn't seem like it would be too hard. We might have to get him a pet diaper, though. That's a long time to have to hold your bladder!
Today is DH's and my "dateaversary" - the anniversary of our first date. We took a long weekend off this weekend so we could go skiing, but we're most likely just going to chill at home instead. Maybe go see Bridge to Terabithia. I heard it was good!
Ugh. I feel fat and slow today. DH and I are supposed to go for a walk, but I don't know if I feel upto it. It's a beautiful day outside, though! I should enjoy this weather before we go to humid, scorching India!
My aunt emailed me and said they have Addie's appt with the pediatrician on Friday, Feb 23rd. They're going to take her there and then spend the day with her. The MAPS India contact will also go with them. I am worried they're going to stick her with needles! I hope they don't! I know it's necessary but I'd rather they did that when her mom and dad could hold her. Poor baby! I know she is not going to be a happy camper.
Thank you for all the PM's! It's so wonderful to know that people read the journal and care about what's going on with our little family. It really makes my day to receive each and every one of those PM's.
So, here's the bad news: I will not be able to foster Addie at this time. It's just really some timing issues that have come up, and we've tried to work our way around them, but it's just not going to happen. I was so very upset about it at first, but now I realize that this is for the best. Our plan now is to go pick her up when the courts finish processing her paperwork, hopefully in June and not any longer. We are so totally in love with this little girl, it's unbelievable. So we're going to have my aunts and uncles visit her every two weeks, check on her and take pictures for us. It's the best we can do right now, and I just hope we can make up for this when we bring her home with lots of love and TLC.
I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, but there might be a real possibility that I can still go foster Addie! It might not be for as long as we thought, and we might have to modify travel so I go first and then DH comes for the last part, but it might be doable. I just have to make a couple of phone calls and do a lot of research. I probably won't leave till April this way, but that's still so much better than nothing! I will keep you all posted.
*Sigh* Okay, so the final word is I can't go. I am okay with it, I think. I'm spending a lot of time thinking of Addie, but I'm getting to the point where I can say another few months won't affect her long-term well being. DH keeps reminding me that we're going to give her a lifetime of love, and she won't even remember this stage of her life. But it's still hard. I just wish I could be with my baby girl. I know when the timing is right, we'll finally get to be together. I know I have to be patient.
DH and I weren't planning to tell the agency about the pregnancy because we didn't want to lose Addie. But we talked, and realized that during the post placement visits, they would know that we had lied to them. The legal ramifications of that would be too much - they could take Addie away after we brought her home. Also, my uncle told me that at the doctor's appointment they took her to, the pediatrician said she has certain special needs that would require a lot of attention. We could've done it no problem as a single-child family, but with a newborn, I don't know how easy that would be. Also, they increased the timeline - so without fostering, she would stay in the orphanage for 8-12 months before coming home. By then, I would've just had the baby and I don't know how great of an environment that would be for her.
So, after a lot of talking, we decided to call the agency and see firstly, what they would say. We wanted to know if there was a chance we could bring her home early, so that she could get settled. But the agency has a policy in place saying that no pregnant couples can adopt, since they don't want there to be a case of "artifical twinning". They're putting our file on hold. Although this is so disappointing and heart-breaking, I think it's a good thing. I talked with Jenny and she assured me that Addie will go to a family who will love and care for her like we had wanted to do. They will be able to foster her, and attend to her needs.
DH is very disappointed - more so than me. He walks around looking at her pictures and tearing up. He still has her picture up as his computer wallpaper. I am so sad for him, but I know it will take time for him to get over this and move on. He attached more to her than I did. It breaks my heart. I've had my cries and I think mostly I'm thinking of it logically now. This is what's best for HER, and that's what it's all about. It doesn't matter what we want. That's irrelevant. From the beginning, this adoption was about her, and that's how it should be.
We have decided that we are going to put all our adoption plans on hold until we are done having biological children, just so that this doesn't happen again. Today at our first OB appointment, we found out what the cause of our unexplained infertility probably was the whole time. It's very fixable, and most likely, we will be able to have more biological children. Adoption is definitely still in our future, though.
I definitely didn't envision this ending like this. I had pictured a last post with a picture of me, DH and Addie and our littlest one. But life doesn't always do what you expect it to, does it? So for now, I am focusing on this pregnancy. I am 7 weeks and 1 day along today.
Thanks for sticking with me through it all. I appreciate all the support I've received!
I wanted to stop by and say this is my new username now! If you want to follow my pregnancy, I have a journal at http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=684990 I got a lot of PM's asking what was going on with the pregnancy, and I wanted to post this information on here for reference.
Thank you so much for sticking with me!!
Another update on Addie: Her referral went to a GREAT family - she will have two older brothers! Jenny said we truly would've picked them ourselves... they are a very loving bunch. I am so happy this has worked out so well for everyone - it was weighing so heavily on our conscience. They are fostering her currently, and will soon bring her home.
As for me, I am still doing well! I am 20 weeks pregnant and we know we are having a little boy!! We plan on starting up another adoption next year, once our son is about 6 months old. We will most likely be going the domestic route this time, and will be adopting a minority infant (requesting a girl!).
Hope life is treating everyone as well as it is us! Thank you for the comments that I still continue to receive about this journal!