I am still having a blast at my job! I can't believe it's already Wednesday night. Seems like last night I was freaking out about my first day. And I'm already so comfortable with the kids. I know it'll just keep getting easier.
AF came. I am disappointed, but determined to get some answers on that appt on the 30th! I want to get pregnant!!
Nothing much to report! I got a call from one of the adoption agencies we had looked into, and they wanted to know if we had any questions. I just told them we were still looking into all the different agencies, and that we'd be in touch if we had any questions. It was the SW that called, and she was really nice.
Anyway, I have that OB appt in like 6 days and I am so psyched!! Especially since AF is here in full force. I am bummed. Being around all the kids at work really makes me ache for a baby of my own! I just want to know what's going on and how/if we can fix it. DH has always said he has a feeling we'll get pregnant in April, and I'm anxious to see if that's true. That would be awesome.
Omg, working at the preschool really helps my baby fix! I feel like I'm getting such great preparation for being a mom! Can't wait for my OB appt this Thursday. I am so nervous and yet relieved that we'll finally make some headway! Phew!
Bah! I'm sick! I hate that. I had to skip work today because I completely lost my voice and am hacking up mucus all over the place. Yuck!! I am pretty sure my boss thinks I'm a dirtbag now, especially because I wasn't even able to talk to her on the phone and had to have DH call in for me. And I've only been there 2 weeks, so she's probably wondering what she's gotten herself into. Ah well, hopefully when she sees me tomorrow she'll know I wasn't kidding. I got like 3 different medications that I'm supposed to keep taking throughout the day. Ewww.
Well, tomorrow's the BIG day! I go in to see my OB. I am nervous and excited. I really want to know what they think. Hopefully I just need to get my cycles back on track! DH and I have already agreed that I am not going to go further than taking fertility drugs. No surgery or IUI's or anything like that for us. We'd rather adopt. So either way, whatever happens, I am going to be ready. I am going to be a mom no matter what they say tomorrow. *Deep Breath*
I had my OB appt on Thursday. It went really well! The doctor was very thorough, and seemed very competent. She was also very understanding and comforting, which is always good. DH liked her a lot too. She had me take a bunch of blood tests for Cystic Fibrosis, Hepatitis, etc. Basically all the tests they do when they find out you're newly pregnant. Then she also prescribed me Clomid and Provera. I'm supposed to take the Provera on CD 35, if AF hasn't showed yet. Then, on CD 5-9 I'm supposed to take Clomid. And then somwhere between when I stop AF and CD 12, I'm supposed to go get an HSG just in case. And DH has an SA on Thursday morning. She seems pretty confident that my problem is just that I am not ovulating, and thinks I should conceive on Clomid! I am so excited. I cannot wait to get this show on the road! I am tired of limbo land - I either want to get pregnant or go forward with our adoption plans!
Speaking of adoption, we are looking into foster/adopt programs here. I got the number for the agency that does that and I'm going to call them on Monday to find out more. We would be open to a child up to 3 years of age of either gender, with special needs relating to learning disabilities or emotional/behavioral special needs. Right now it looks like July will be the month for getting the ball rolling on that, if we're not pregnant by then. That will mean 3 rounds of Clomid, and the doc said after that we would need to see a fertility specialist. DH and I both agree that we don't want to do that. Clomid is IT for us. I am so excited! July is not that far away, and the way I see it is, by then I will know for SURE what path we are going to pursue.
I want a BABY!!! I am so upset right now. I just have this craving for a baby, and no means to satisfy this craving. I can't even get started on freaking Clomid till May! I just hate this stupid waiting game. Grrr! Sorry to be so whiny, I am just so tired of waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more. I've wanted to have a baby for a year and a half now! Where's my baby???? I hope I have a baby by this time next year. If not, I'm going to sue!!!
My body is so weird!! I started AF yesterday - a very, very light AF but AF nonetheless. I had mild cramps and everything. The weird part is, I just had a full blown AF on March 23! I was supposed to take Provera on April 25th and then start Clomid after that, but now I'm really confused. Do I count this as AF and start Clomid on CD 5-9? Or do I wait and do the original plan?? I am calling my OB tomorrow. Hopefully she gets back to me ASAP. Ugh, I wish my body would just behave itself.
Anyway, in other news, I am starting to really think about how I would feel if the three rounds of Clomid failed and we decided to go ahead with adoption. And I think I would feel really good about it. I mean, I would be sad - because I really want to get big and pregnant, but if it wasn't meant to happen, what's the point of crying over spilt milk, you know? Plus, we really want to add to our family through adoption regardless, so it doesn't really make that much of a difference. I would be disappointed that I couldn't carry a baby, but I don't think I'd be regretful that we had to pursue adoption. Hope that all made sense!
I have been looking into various programs of adoption to just see what our other options would be. DH says he doesn't want to go through the state to adopt, so I guess that takes care of foster to adopt! He wouid rather just go through a non-profit agency like we were going to. I can't decide whether I want to do domestic or international, though. For our first, I really want a young child. So that would naturally point us to domestic. But at the same time, I really feel a pull to adopt internationally. I've been looking at a few programs like India, Vietnam and Mexico. Since we're so young, we don't qualify for all the programs out there. But those three look very pursueable (is that even a word??) to me. We also liked Guatemala, but it's one of the most expensive programs out there, so we had to nix it ($35,000??? No thanks!). Hmm... Que Sara, Sara, I suppose.
Well, according to TCOYF and online sources, this could be ovulation spotting! Apparently ovulation spotting can last as long as 12-72 hours. It is light, like a period, and can be red, pink or brown. Mine started out as pink, then went to red, and now is tapered off to very minimal brown, so I guess it could be it! I also didn't have a lot of other AF symptoms like sore boobs, or any major cramps to speak of. Also, I was due to ovulate on Saturday, which is when the spotting started. Oh, and on Friday night I had O pains, which I always get before I ovulate. So I really hope that's all it is! Maybe I judged my body too harshly! I am still going to call my OB tomorrow to make sure.
235664. Grr!! I am so mad! My doctor called me and said that she wants me to wait another 35 days before I can even start on Provera and Clomid. She's afraid this bleeding might've been caused by a blighted ovum or something and doesn't want to add Clomid on top of that. I am so pissed! Why does my body have to be sooooo messed up, and right before our Clomid cycle!
Okay, don't judge me but... I have decided to start my Clomid tomorrow anyway! I know you're not supposed to go against your doctor's orders, etc. etc. but I really don't think this doctor knows me very well. She doesn't know I've been checking my CM and keeping track of ovulation that way, and I KNOW for a fact that I didn't ovulate this cycle, which makes it impossible for this to be a chemical pregnancy of any sort. She said that was the only reason she didn't want me to go on the Clomid. This is a regular period, which I'm guessing was caused by annovulation. Tomorrow will be CD 5, and she wanted me to take Clomid from CD 5-9, so that's what I'm going to do. I feel good about this decision. That's what sucks about the military - you get bumped around from doctor to doctor so much, you don't really establish a rapport with them, and they with you. So they just give you the standard party line response to anything, to cover their butts. Ah well, Clomid here I come!! I am so excited!
Today was a good day at work! My boss approved my proposed budget for the Preschool program, so now I can buy a lot of cool stuff for my classroom!