New here with some questions
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  1. #1
    Prolific Poster Leah261's Avatar
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    Default New here with some questions

    My DH and I are seriously considering adoption and have a few questions. We've been struggling with infertility for a while now and I'm really reaching my breaking point after a loss and some failed attempts since and also failed response to the treatments. We've decided that if the next few cycles are a no go we are going to pursue adoption full force and have decided to start collecting information since we're interested in adopting anyway. I have some questions I was hoping maybe some of you here could answer. I've been looking a lot online and it seems like there's a lot of information out there but it's a little overwhelming. We live in a very small town and I'm not sure what kind of resources are available to us here. According to what I can find, there aren't many resources at all especially for adopting an infant which we feel would be ideal for our first child since we have no other children. So here are some questions I have:

    Is it possible to meet up with an adoption counselor or someone who has a lot of information on the process who can meet with us informally and just discuss the possibilities so that we know if this is really an option for us?

    I know that laws and everything vary from state to state so what happens if we decide to go with a national agency which seems like it might be easier when trying to adopt an infant?

    Is it best to go with an a licensed agency? I've seen some websites that are marketing firms that work with agencies but they aren't licensed agencies themselves. They seem promising but it's hard to trust anything online.

    Does the bulk of the expense with adoption come into the legal fees once adoptions are being finalized? Is it a great expense before you're matched or does that part mostly come after?

    And even with going with a national agency or group is adopting an infant or toddler as difficult as everyone makes it sound? We are open to some different races which I've can speed up the process.

    I have an illness and am permanently disabled. DH worked full time and I still work part time and financially we're like pretty much everyone else. My illness can be serious but is very manageable and I've been very healthy for about 3 years now. Anyone know if this is a factor?

    Sorry if this is too many questions. I'm overwhelmed by all the info online and don't really know where to start. I'm afraid if we just call an agency or something...and I don't think there's one in our area...that we'll be expected to be ready right away and we want to make sure that the process is something we can do first. Thanks in advance for any info at all.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27)
    Drew (30)
    Diagnosed PCOS 2009 and Endometriosis May 2013
    Currently foster parents hoping to adopt
    Got our first placement at 2 days old 11/19 and hoping she is our forever daughter


  2. #2
    Community Host
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    Welcome! I do not know all of the answers to specific questions, but if you were to call an adoption agency they would be happy to answer all of your questions. Just tell them you are in the information gathering stage right now. Best of luck!

    ~Bonita~

  3. #3
    Prolific Poster Leah261's Avatar
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    Thank you! I wasn't sure if I could do that or not or if they expected you to make a commitment before answering your questions. There is a hotline number for the state of VA and also an email and I was thinking of maybe starting there. They said they should be able to direct us to the closest agencies to check out which would be good since I have no clue...there are larger cities around us but the closest ones are in another state so I'm not sure how that would work. I'll probably start there though. Thanks again!
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27)
    Drew (30)
    Diagnosed PCOS 2009 and Endometriosis May 2013
    Currently foster parents hoping to adopt
    Got our first placement at 2 days old 11/19 and hoping she is our forever daughter


  4. #4
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    I am positive no one would expect you to commit to a major life decision like that without being able to ask questions first. We are looking into Foster parenting to adopt, and the lady I spoke to was very nice and helpful. I am sure who ever you speak to will be happy to help you.

    ~Bonita~

  5. #5
    Prolific Poster Leah261's Avatar
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    Thank you Bonita. A few days ago I really had no clue how any of this stuff worked. After lots of research I've learned a lot more about it and finally found a good list of agencies in our area. Looks like the only one that will offer what we want that's also non-profit and licensed is about an hour and a half away but that's really no big issue for us. We have to drive a while to get anywhere anyway. Lol. My doctor's office is an hour away as it is. Now I've just got to get DH researching a bit so he can feel more comfortable with the process. I'm just so beaten down by infertility issues and that whole process and I feel much more ready to pursue adoption and maybe put the biological stuff on the back burner for now. We're young so we have time but we just wish it wasn't taking so long just to begin our family. We've always wanted to adopt anyway (I have since I was in high school and first started working with foster children) and it seems like it might be a great fit for us to adopt for our first child. The more I read about it the more excited I get about the whole process and feel that we can really do this!
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27)
    Drew (30)
    Diagnosed PCOS 2009 and Endometriosis May 2013
    Currently foster parents hoping to adopt
    Got our first placement at 2 days old 11/19 and hoping she is our forever daughter


  6. #6
    Community Host
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    Aug 2006
    Posts
    13,532

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    Good luck!!!

    ~Bonita~

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