*TMI* Drama- infidelity- m/c ment! not for faint of heart! - Page 2
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Thread: *TMI* Drama- infidelity- m/c ment! not for faint of heart!

  1. #11
    Posting Addict carg0612's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
    Columbus, OH


    Quote Originally Posted by MissyJ View Post

    I've read through your entire post twice now. Before I answer about all the timelines, dates, etc. please hear this. It honestly just does not matter. *IF* she was pregnant, she isn't now. IF she was and the baby was your dh's, (after a paternity test) -- THEN you would have to deal with taking responsibility for the baby and forced into a long term "relationship" with her. I'll say, thankfully that is not the issue. Frankly I would say just that too to anyone that wants to get into this whole back / forth over the dates and trying to waste your time analyzing what she was / was not doing on particular times. Again - it does NOT matter.
    This. I do understand the perceived need to know but she is not pregnant and having your DH's baby so I think for your own sanity you might try to let that part go. Focus on your marriage now. Focus on your job situation now. Focus on moving away from the bad, stinky, parts toward good, loving parts of life.

    This breaks my heart to read this. As if there aren't a million other things in the world that hurt people every day and someone has to go out and invent ways to mess with people.

    I'm glad you're going to counseling. I hope you're able to make that work for you.

    Huge ((((HUGS)))) your way. I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Give yourself a hug for comfort, a pat on the back for being strong, and a chocolate just because.
    Christina + Rory = a grand total of:
    Amelia, Anthony, Andon, Noah, Mason, & Trinity-woof

  2. #12
    Posting Addict Starryblue702's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Las Vegas, NV


    I completely agree with everything Missy said. As for that girl, if she was or if she wasn't, it doesn't matter now... AT ALL. It's done and overwith now and if you keep dwelling on it it will drive you mad. As for your DH, only you can decide whether or not you think that you can trust him again. As far as that "once a cheater, always a cheater" I'm torn on that one. I cheated on my first husband with a couple of different guys, the last one being the man that I'm now married to (I was young when I got married to my first husband, just right out of high school... so not that that justifies my actions in any way, I was young and dumb and married for convenience, not love). I've been with my current DH for 8 years now, married for 5, and we have three beautiful children together. I haven't so much as looked at another man since I've been with him, and NEVER would do anything like that again. I'm so completely in love with my husband... so for me it's definitely not the "once a cheater, always one" because you couldn't pay me to cheat ever again. On the other hand, my DH was also married when we started our affair, and I always thought that he would be 100% faithful to me as I am to him. Well back in 2009, just months after I had given birth to our daughter, he started to become very close with a girl that worked for him. I found this out as I looked at his cell phone records one night, and found that they had not only been talking for hours on end everyday but texting as well... we're talking texts back and forth ALL DAY LONG while he was at work and then all night long if he was home and I wasn't. Also, their work schedules were EXACTLY the same, as he was the manager and she his employee, so he made the schedule every week and made sure that they had the same days off and everything. I know he didn't go anywhere on his days off because he had our kids (and I would ask the kids what they did or if they went anywhere or if anyone came over, so he would have been busted there) and there's no way they could do anything at work, as they worked in a casino and there's cameras everywhere. After I confronted him about it, he swore that nothing physically had happened, and that he was just being stupid and flirting because it made him feel good. He swears on our children that they never did anything... but I'll never really know. I know that cheating is different for men than it is for women. Most men cheat just because they can, because the opportunity presents itself, and it makes them feel better about themselves. I can almost guarantee that your DH did not love that girl, and that he means it when he says that he wanted to break it off but just couldn't. Sometimes when men get themselves into messes they're just too big of wimps to step up and say "no." I know this doesn't make what he did any better, and you'll probably never trust him again (I'm still finding it hard to trust my DH, and it's been three years since his incident), but ultimately it has to be up to you as to whether or not you stay with him. If you do choose to stay, then you BOTH need to go to marriage counseling to be able to deal with your pain and for him to understand how badly he hurt you. You have to be able to completely forgive (although you'll never forget) him for what he did to you, and be able to start over from scratch without always throwing back in his face that he cheated, or you'll never be able to move forward. DO NOT stay with him if you know in your heart that you can't do these things, as you'll only end up wasting your time and your life. DO NOT stay with him for the kids, because trust me, they'll be much happier to have a happy mom and dad that aren't together anymore than parents that stay together and fight and are miserable all of the time. Sorry this is so long, I just had to tell you about my experiences to be able for you to see it from a different perspective.
    Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
    Reagan - 10/2/02
    Maximus - 3/10/05
    Liberty - 12/11/08
    Trystan- 11/22/11
    My angel in Heaven 1/7/13

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