15 and pregnant.. Help and advice.

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Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20
15 and pregnant.. Help and advice.

Hello, my name is Ashleii. I am almost 15 and going into grade 10. I am with my byofriend, and have been for 9 months. I am figured to be around 26 weeks pregnant and I have not had an ultrasound. No one knows that I am pregnant except for a few close friends and my boyfriend. My parents or family members do not.
Right now my boyfriend and I are considering abortion. But this is something I don't know if I want to do or not. I know I am young, and still have a lot of life ahead of me, but I am just really stuck on what to do.
We went to the Pregnancy Crisis Center today and got to talk to someone, and she is going to make an appointment for us to go see a doctor about abortion.
I do want to talk to my boyfriend some more before making my decision set in stone.
It would really help if I could have someone to talk to, for advice, information, or even just as a friend to talk to.
Thanks for the help.
-Ashleii.

Joined: 07/04/11
Posts: 316

Hi Ashleii
I hope you're able to find someone to talk to and help you out. There is a lot of support in Ontario for pregnant teens. Where in Ontario are you located?
Is there a reason you think you're 26 weeks? Your doctor should send you for an ultrasound to get a better idea. I'm not sure if you looked into it but abortions cannot be done legally at 26 weeks.
Good luck with whatever decision you decide is best for you

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

Hange in there Ashleii!

At 15, it's very hard to raise a baby, heck, it's hard to do it at 40! Since it sounds like you are not in a position to raise this baby, have you considered adoption? I agree with the previous poster, at 26 weeks you cannot get a legal abortion, even one for medical reasons. There are many families looking to adopt babies into loving homes.

I would advise you to talk to someone about this. If you are not close to your mom, maybe a grandmother, your boyfriend's mom, a teacher at school, a church person?

It's hard to make a decision like this alone.

Good luck! :goodluck:

Janel

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

Hi Ashleii,

Have you been seen by a doctor? In Ontario, it is standard to have a routine u/s around 20 weeks so I am surprised your doctor has not sent you for one. Also, as the others have said, it is not legal to do an abortion at 26 weeks. If you have not sought out medical attention, I think it is imperative that you do so right away. I would also definitely encourage you to speak with your parents or another trusted adult asap.

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

Ashleii - did the lady at the pregnancy center tell you she thought you were 26 weeks or do you think you are 26 weeks?

My best friend had her son when we were 15 and it was tough but she did an amazing job. Babies are hard no matter what age you have them. Just yesterday she took him (on his birthday) to get his drivers license.

I'll ditto what everyone here has said...talk to a trusted adult ASAP, even if its not your parents. Perhaps someone that can help you break the news to them. And then get to a doctor ASAP to see how far along you are in actuality. And like they said, 26 weeks is too late for an abortion. The best thing for you and your baby is to start seeing an OB now to make sure you are both in good health.

I hope you stick around to let us support you.

Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20
.

Yes, the girl at the Health Center was the one that told me I was around 26 weeks, seeing as my last period was around February 11th. She also still told me that an abortion was an option?
And I am going to talk to my boyfriend, becuase I don't think I will be able to go through with an abortion, so I a hoping he will come around.
He just doesn't want the baby becuase he dosn't think we are ready. We do want kids in the future though.
I've asked him why he doesn't want to keep the baby, and he said it's not cause' he doesn't want it.. It's because we aren't ready for it.

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

Ashleii,

I'm sorry but it is simply not legal to do an abortion at 26 weeks. By this stage the baby is viable (ie if born now, would have a chance at survival). Did they do any kind of pregnancy test? Is it possible the dates are wrong and you are not as far along as you think? You are young, and it is possible for periods to be missing for other reasons. Were you on any kind of birth control? Are you feeling movement? What symptoms have you had/do you have (aside from the no period)? You really need to get to a doctor ASAP and have an examination/ultrasound done to determine exactly how far along you are. How old is your boyfriend?

Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20

I'm kind of happy if that is true. I don't want an abortion.. But like, I don't even know -.- I am deffinetly pregnant, there is movement and such. And I have expierenced many of the syptoms. But there is a possiblity that I am not this far along, but she did say I am for sure 4 months. No, at first we talked about this and actually wanted this, so we tried, and I became pregnant. But with my boyfriend (Jake) starting to drive his insurance is very costly and so is gas. But I know my mom would help, it's just a very difficult situation to describe everything. My boyfriend is also 18.

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

Ashleii, I am sorry you are going through a tuff time. It can be hard at 15.

I am in Ontario too so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to click on my name and send me a private message.

Abortions are usually only done in the first 12 weeks (that's 12 weeks from the first day of your last period). After that I believe it's only if medically necessary (if something is wrong with the baby or mother that puts either at risk).

There are lots of walk in clinics around, I would suggest you go to one and request an ultrasound (which is free). That way you know for sure what is going on.

If you don't think you are ready for a baby there are many women out there who suffer from infertility and are desperate for a family. I personally suffer from infertility but adoption isn't something I want to investigate yet. However I know 10 or more couples who are currently waiting for babies in Ontario.

The baby you carry is a treasure whatever your decide.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Hi Ashleii

I think you should talk to your Mum. She may not be the happiest, but she will know what to do ie getting an ultrasound and you having a medical.

I agree with all the other ladies, having a baby is hard no matter what age you are. Ideally it would have been better if you were older but just know that you can do this. If however you really were for not keeping the baby, then yes, please consider adoption.

Good luck.

xx

Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20

There's no way I am having an abortion. And there sn't any way Iwould be able to handle having the baby then just giving up on it like that ): I would miss to see it grow up and have a life. I am hoping that the talk with my boyfriend will go alright, and maybe he will see just how much I have bonded with this baby already, and how hard it would be on me.
I really am up for the chllenges of keep the baby, becuase I know Jake, my boyfriend will also stay by my side and help. He may not like it at first, but when we have it I'm sure he will be smiling ear to ear. At least I hope.
After I can hopefully convince Jake, I will shortly then later tell my mom.
I am very scared about telling my mom.. But I do know I need an ultrasound and medical attention asap to see if the baby is doing alright.

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Coming in late here..but firstly...huge hugs to you...this must be a very scary time for you.

I think if you tell you mum..she will initially be shocked and maybe angry..but it will be more anger that you didn't feel you could talk to her before...but I think you'll find she'll just want to wrap you in her arms and help you through all this.
Don't shut her out....shes your mum and she will want to be there for you.
She will be able to help you get all the help you need.
If you need to talk..please feel free to pm me.
We are all here for you chick..know that!!!
xxxxx

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

I will echo what the ladies said, please go talk to a trusted adult and please go talk to your mom. No matter what you decide you will need all the support you can get.

This is a pivotal moment in your life and you will need to make the best decision for you and the baby.

I wish only the best for you and I hope you'll keep us updated on your decision and your feelings as you move forward with whatever your choice may be.

Good luck to you and I'm so sorry that you are in a difficult position.

combatcutie's picture
Joined: 04/04/07
Posts: 2060

I echo all the ladies that say to find someone you trust and talk to them. It is very hard to raise a child, regardless of age. I'm sorry to say that most young guys do not end up standing by you and helping with a child. They feel that it is not their responsibility. I wish you nothing but the best.

VixB's picture
Joined: 05/07/08
Posts: 1435

I agree with everyone... you NEED to talk to your Mom or a grown adult.... and SEE a doctor ASAP. I am sorry you are going through this at this young age.
Please keep us posted and get help NOW.
Hugs.

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

Bump - wondering if you told your mom yet and if you went back to the doctor for a dating u/s.

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

Ashleii posted an update over on the November 2011 board. Smile

VixB's picture
Joined: 05/07/08
Posts: 1435

"raingirl28" wrote:

Ashleii posted an update over on the November 2011 board. Smile

thanks Rachel.

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

Thanks! That is all great news. I'm so happy she went to the dr, is keeping the baby and told her family.

I know I said it before but my BFF had her DS at age 15 and yeah, it was tough to tell people and tough to adjust - but she is one of the best mothers I know. They are so close and her parents are really close to him as well. Sometimes it just takes time to get over the initial shock.

parkerlamar's picture
Joined: 08/21/11
Posts: 146

Just wanted to give you a BIG HUG! If you ever need to talk please feel free to message me! I hope everything is going well and that you have it figured out soon! Having a baby is quite the change no matter what age you are! Just know that there are tons of people out there to help and support you!!!! :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:

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