Did Your Relationship with your Spouse/Partner Change after Baby?

View Poll Results: How did having a baby impact your relationship as a couple?

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  • Positive! We're closer than ever!

    5 31.25%
  • Negative! We seem to be on different planets.

    4 25.00%
  • Both! A thrilling rollercoaster ride with bumps, mountainous hills to climb, and a thrill a minute!

    7 43.75%
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Thread: Did Your Relationship with your Spouse/Partner Change after Baby?

  1. #1
    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    Default Did Your Relationship with your Spouse/Partner Change after Baby?

    Turning two into three (or more!) inevitably seems to impact a couple's relationship. The question, however, is whether it was (is) for the better or worse... or both?

    Additional Questions:

    What impact did you discover your new addition made on your relationship of a couple? Did you feel closer than ever... or struggling to stay afloat while you juggled family, work, and more?

    What did you find your biggest challenge as a couple?

    What was (is) the best effect on your relationship after having a child together?

    Finally - what tip(s) would you have for a pregnant couple that could help them through the first year?

    Thanks for your help! We need your responses quickly for an article we're putting together!

    ~Missy (missyj@pregnancy.org)

    (P.S. Those wishing to remain anonymous -- feel free to email them to me directly!)

  2. #2
    Community Host Jenni Beth's Avatar
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    What impact did you discover your new addition made on your relationship of a couple? Did you feel closer than ever... or struggling to stay afloat while you juggled family, work, and more? All the sudden it wasn't about us anymore. We weren't free to have the lifestyle we had before of going out with our friends a lot, planning weekend getaways, and spending money on whatever we wanted. It was a major change for both of us to start staying home all the time (our baby was born in flu season!) and all our extra money started being delegated to baby necessities. It really makes us feel like a team taking care of this tiny baby who relies on us for everything.

    What did you find your biggest challenge as a couple? Believe it or not, our biggest challenge was keeping our patience with each other when we were both clearly exhausted. When we finally started sleeping in shifts we started doing better. Even though we didn't get to sleep in the same bed for a long time, the shifts helped us get the rest required to take care of a newborn.

    What was (is) the best effect on your relationship after having a child together? We spend more family time together, just the three of us. We stay home and watch football games and rent movies. I feel like our relationship is really solid and close.

    Finally - what tip(s) would you have for a pregnant couple that could help them through the first year? It is so easy to get consumed with washing bottles, changing diapers, pumping, nursing, and other baby related tasks. It is so critical to nurture your relationship with you partner and during these first few months you have to MAKE time. Have a close friend or relative watch the baby and go to dinner and a movie. Having some time away from the baby will refresh you both and make you better parents. Everyone deserves and needs a break.

    Oh yeah, and sleep in shifts.
    Jen
    Married to my love, M.
    Hostess with the mostest: November 2011 & High Risk Pregnancy
    DS Carter 10/25/2011

  3. #3
    Posting Addict tink9702's Avatar
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    What impact did you discover your new addition made on your relationship of a couple? Did you feel closer than ever... or struggling to stay afloat while you juggled family, work, and more?

    It strengthened our relationship in some ways and made us further apart in others. It was a huge adjustment to get less sleep, less personal time, less us time. On the other hand, looking at that tiny baby and realizing you had both made it brought us closer together.

    What did you find your biggest challenge as a couple?

    Maintaining patience with each other.

    What was (is) the best effect on your relationship after having a child together?

    The laughter! We laugh so much more now when the kids do something funny, say something amusing etc. DD waddles as she walks and it cracks us up all the time!

    Finally - what tip(s) would you have for a pregnant couple that could help them through the first year?

    Make time to talk to each other, share your day etc. Communication is key.
    ~~Mel

    Ethan - June 21, 2009
    Olivia - December 5, 2010
    5w3d - October/November 2012

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  4. #4
    Posting Addict wishing4agirl's Avatar
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    I will start with warning that my answers may be skewed on the fact that 2 of my children were born with special needs and require a lot. The divorce rate for parents of children with special needs is statistically high. So take my answers with a grain of salt.


    What impact did you discover your new addition made on your relationship of a couple? Did you feel closer than ever... or struggling to stay afloat while you juggled family, work, and more? I would say we definitely struggled to stay afloat overall. When Dakota was born it started off rocky as a lot of couples start off. Getting to know new roles, overcoming normal newborn challenges (i.e. difficulty BF, lack of sleep, etc.) was hard. Once we got those down we were good. We even learned how to work as a team dealing with special challenges with Dakota's autism (although we didn't know he was autistic at the time) including numerous drs appts, therapies, etc. After Eli came we didn't know how to cope with a child who had such severe medical needs. We didn't know how to cope with having a child we thought was going to die. We no longer knew how to communicate. When I wanted to talk, he had trouble listening because all he wanted to do was fix Eli and he couldn't. I then learned to turn to my BFF instead of my husband for support. Although it has been 5 1/2 years since Eli's addition and with another one 2 1/2 years ago (3 in April) we are learning to talk, my DH is learning to listen and express his fears (instead of keeping them in), give support and relearning roles.

    What did you find your biggest challenge as a couple?
    Communication was our biggest issue by far. Learning to cope with your own emotions while helping your spouse cope with the news, and challenges that come with medical and life altering news of your childs development can be overwhelming to say the least. It's not easy. In fact sometimes it felt if it would be easier to walk away. But we both realize it was our situation and not truly us as individuals we struggled with. We needed to learn to together and have worked and continue to work to develope a better team for our children.

    What was (is) the best effect on your relationship after having a child together? Oddly enough working as a team when Eli has his surgeries. While it is completely overwhelming leading up to the days of surgery. Once we are there and things are okay I always stay at the hospital while my husband goes home and goes to work with the help of my uncle getting Dakota to school, taking care of Faith and helping to maintain the house. My DH is completely torn but does do a wonderful job even though he desperately needs to be home AFTER Eli is released instead of during his hospital stay. Somehow we never confuse those roles. My DH stands behind me and continues to encourage even when the drs have made me feel I'm at the end of my rope.

    Finally - what tip(s) would you have for a pregnant couple that could help them through the first year? Learn to communicate and work with each other as a team. Communication is highly important in a marriage. In a marriage with children of special needs it's even more important and often times much harder because you are now dealing with difficult emotions. Seperating things can be tricky. You have to work together for the children you create. This is not a seperate adventure. You go on it together. The quicker you learn these skills the better your marriage will be.

  5. #5
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    I have to say, my DH has gotten better with DS2. I was afraid to have another child, due to the lack of help I had with DS1. We are doing better. I still get mad at his laziness, but it is no where as bad as it used to be.


    What impact did you discover your new addition made on your relationship of a couple? Did you feel closer than ever... or struggling to stay afloat while you juggled family, work, and more? With DS1 we drifted apart, nothing serious - but I was doing everything and had no help. DH was working late and I had to do it all. DS2 came and he is more helpful. I also work full time, and DH doesn't seem to get that. So, we still struggle with home and work.

    What did you find your biggest challenge as a couple? Teamwork

    What was (is) the best effect on your relationship after having a child together? We still love each other very much

    Finally - what tip(s) would you have for a pregnant couple that could help them through the first year? communicate! Enjoy the first year, because it goes quick - a lot of family time!!
    Mandy (DH-Chris (10-21-06)) (DS-Niko) (DS2-Jacob- 5-23-11) 6 furbabies

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  6. #6
    Posting Addict Starryblue702's Avatar
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    Did Your Relationship with your Spouse/Partner Change after Baby? Yes, as we were both in other relationships at the time that our first child was born. We were married when our son was 21 months old, so we kind of went into our relationship completely backwards.

    Turning two into three (or more!) inevitably seems to impact a couple's relationship. The question, however, is whether it was (is) for the better or worse... or both? I'd say both, at least in my relationship. DH had two children with his first wife and I had a son from my first husband, and we had our son together (that was a "whoops"). I think he wanted to stop having children then because he felt bad for breaking his first family up. But after a couple of years explaining to him that just because he might have more children, that doesn't take away any love from the children that we had with others. We love all of the kids the same and they feel that love. We ended up having three of our own, and my son Reagan and his sons Logan and Ian make six beautiful, amazing, and loved kids. Sure it's a struggle, but they're all worth it.

    What impact did you discover your new addition made on your relationship as a couple? Did you feel closer than ever... or struggling to stay afloat while you juggled family, work, and more? I never felt a change until I had our daughter. Going from two to three kids (in our home, as DH's other boys live with their mom in Idaho) was a huge change, but we made it work. Then this past November our son Trystan was born, and things got even harder, but I think it's just due to the economy (financially), and the fact that we work separate days off and opposite shifts so that someone can always be home with the kids... so we really don't get much together time.

    What did you find your biggest challenge as a couple? Finding any time to be by ourselves. I think it's important to have a date night once a week to keep the relationship in tact. Communication and spending time with one another is essential to ensure that your bond stays strong... otherwise it just creates a distance between you. But that's backed up by any financial problems. If you're not bringing in enough money to be able to go out occassionally, that's hard, too.

    What was (is) the best effect on your relationship after having a child together? I think that it creates a love for one another that wasn't there before, because there in your arms is literally a beautiful piece of the both of you that would not be there if it weren't for the two of you and your love for one another.

    Finally - what tip(s) would you have for a pregnant couple that could help them through the first year? Just to make time for one another. A child takes up every minute of your time (and they are certainly worth every one of those minutes, I promise!) but you have to remember each other and the love that you both have that made that baby.
    Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
    Reagan - 10/2/02
    Maximus - 3/10/05
    Liberty - 12/11/08
    Trystan- 11/22/11
    My angel in Heaven 1/7/13

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