Disagree on discipline

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MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3254
Disagree on discipline

Answer Box: Dh was raised in a home with physical discipline (spanking) whereas my parents chose other - more positive ways - to encourage good behavior. How can I persuade him to move past the "it worked for me and I'm fine" mentality? This is causing a big strain on our relationship.

BokkieNYC's picture
Joined: 08/15/11
Posts: 1106

My DH and I are in the same but opposite situation: I was raised with spankings and he wasn't.

We spent a lot of time discussing the pros and cons of each approach. I thought long and deeply about how the type of discipline affected me and whether I would be different if I had been disciplined differently. As much as I still believe that there is a limit to how much reasoning and "negotiating" can be done at each developmental stage with children, I came to the conclusion that it could do less harm to try non-physical discipline first before resorting to physical.

Have you tried finding research studies to support your viewpoint to show him? Or tried the "yes but our parents also smoked and drank alcohol while pregnant" counter-argument? Just trying to reason that because it was "acceptable" in the past doesn't necessarily mean it was safe/healthy....

Unfortunately it is something that you need to resolve before you have kids because it will cause even greater strain to be divided once the child is there.