Fear ttc after horrible birth experience

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MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3229
Fear ttc after horrible birth experience

Answer Box: Dh is ready to try for a baby. We've been together approx. 5 yr., own a small 2br home, & parent my older child from a previous relationship. I also work. The problem? My previous baby was huge; labor was horrible with lots of blood loss. Healing took 3 + months. I want another baby but am terrified to go through that again. I also don't want to leave my job and worry if our home can handle another. Please advise!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I would recommend two things. First, see a therapist to help you work through some of your unresolved fears, and maybe also talk to your doctor about some short-term anti-anxiety meds. Second, remember that every pregnancy is different, and talk with your OB about things you can do to help make things go better this time. A few things to consider & discuss with your OB: how much weight you gained last time & what you can do to minimize your weight gain this time; the physical attributes of your DH compared to your first child's father, if he's a smaller build then he might make a smaller baby; monitoring baby more carefully at the end of pregnancy, and perhaps inducing labor if baby is consistently measuring larger; taking vitamins & herbs at the end of your pregnancy that can help prevent blood loss; learning about how your position during labor can make things easier or more difficult; and perhaps studying something like Hypnobabies to learn how to eliminate your fears during labor.

Unless you have some very unusual circumstances, or if you live outside the U.S., then don't worry about your job. Your employer has to provide reasonable accommodations for your pregnancy and has to hold your job open for you after maternity leave; that's the law. You can pump breast milk for your baby, you & DH can work alternate shifts to avoid having to pay for childcare for a while, or maybe he can stay home with the baby for a while. There are tons of options!

And don't worry about your house, either, you have plenty of room. You can keep baby in your room for a while, and then it can can share a room with your older child. Put the older one up in a loft bed for privacy. I live in an urban city with small apartments, you wouldn't believe the ways people here find to make room for another baby -- walk-in closets become baby rooms, wide hallways or dining rooms become bedrooms, larger bedrooms are split into two with free-standing bookshelves or dividers, some people even build a temporary wall! My kids sleep in a sunroom that hangs off the back of our kitchen. Where there's a will, there's a way! Good luck to you!

Joined: 08/04/14
Posts: 6

I agree with all of what Spacers said, great advice! Also keep in mind, having lots of space doesn't mean a whole lot always, as long as you're bringing the baby into a loving home, that's more than some children get. Kids share bedrooms all the time, especially when they're young. You'll probably still be nervous no matter what you do to help alleviate your fears. Remember, birthing practices and medical technology improve everyday, you'll likely have some more options for childbirth than you did the first time. Plus you'll be much more prepared for the process!