Feel like breaking down!
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Thread: Feel like breaking down!

  1. #1
    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Feel like breaking down!

    DBF dropped DD off at school this morning and the teacher, pulled him to one side and asked if I would mind staying late today to discuss DDs behaviour

    The same thing happened last year too, which resulted in her being put on a daily report. I honestly feel like a complete and utter failure as a parent right now.

    My baby doesn't hit or kick or use cuss words, she's just very out going, confident and I would say probably dominant too. In ways, these are good attributes but in school it's getting her into trouble. I have tried reward charts, time outs and removal of things she enjoys to do but it isn't working.

    I'm at the end of my tether and just want to give up! Any advice would be very much appreciated.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    ((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Kristi, I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this type of response. By now you likely have an update from the teacher. I'd love to know more about what she shared.

    This honestly is one of my pet peeves about the school systems today. Kids that may not fit into a cookie cutter mold then get labeled (and in some cases diagnosed.) Please know that I DO recognize that there ARE some kids that are coping with various real challenges -- but not all.

    I'm wondering if you have options that would better meet her particular learning style? Maybe something that would offer her more hands on learning? Even if it was an after school experience. Another idea -- to enroll her in something like youth soccer, dance or something that would allow her to run off energy after school.

    I know that we have several teachers around if you'd like to have their feedback. Just let me know and I'll link them.

    Outside of that -- know you are NOT a failure!!!! You have a little girl that will grow into a confidant lovely young woman someday with a mom there to challenge & support her journey every step of the way... and we're here to support YOU!

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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    ITA with everything Missy said. I'd like to add that you might want to think about this in a setting boundaries kind of way. Your daughter is currently an "only child," and onlies at this age often don't recognize the need to take turns, to be gentle, to wait patiently & quietly, etc. This is because they live in more of an adult world than a child world, kwim? Most parents love an unexpected big bear hug from our child, but when there's a younger sibling we remind the older one to be gentle, maybe ask permission first. When they want to ask a question, we're ready to listen and there's isn't another person wanting to ask something at the same time. It's not like we're teaching them to be the center of the universe, just that they *are* the center of *their* universe. So I would suggest talking with her like you would prepare her for a sibling, just establish some new boundaries. Explain that, in school, you can't just hug people wildly or yell out answers, you need to respect other people's personal space and you need to wait your turn. These are good lessons to learn now whether she gets a younger sibling to practice on or not. And if she's truly unable to change her behavior, then I would suggest talking with her teacher about being tested for learning disorders and with her doctor about being tested for attention disorders. If there *is* something going wrong, then it's best identified and dealt with as early as possible.
    David Letterman is retiring. Such great memories of watching him over the past thirty-two years!

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    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for responding, both your advice is always very helpful.

    Basically, the teacher is concerned that LC doesn't listen. It's not all of the time, but she can ask her to put something away and she won't do it until she's been asked a number of times. She took a play piece of jewellery to school (DBFs fault) and the teacher asked her to put it in her tray. Instead, she took it out at play time. The worst and most mortifying thing she had done was this; she had written on the white board in her classroom "Macy is fat" - what the??

    I took her home and had a proper conversation, trying to explain it by using feelings. I'm really hoping this is improves.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Some kids need to be more actively engaged with the speaker before they can really hear what's being said. There's a technique called "collecting before directing" that you might want to try and suggest to the teacher. You don't call to her from another room to pick up her toys, you go to the other room, engage her so you know you have her attention, and then give her the instruction. And then you say, "What did I just ask you to do?" and make sure she can tell you.

    And I would ask her about her relationship with Macy, what does Macy do, how does Macy behave, is Macy a good friend, etc. You want to make sure that the issue really is just your kid being naughty and not that she's acting out in that way as a result of being bullied.
    David Letterman is retiring. Such great memories of watching him over the past thirty-two years!

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    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Yes, I read lots of things over the past couple of days and I'm trying my best to impliment them.

    Her teacher told me she had been brilliant in school yesterday, I felt relieved. LC asked if she could play out with the neighbour when we got home, which I agreed to because she'd been good. When I told her she needed to come in the house and change out of her uniform, she point blank refused to get out of the car. Then she winged for an ice cream.... I told her no as she hadn't had her tea yet and her behaviour was unacceptable - then followed the breakdown.

    I got her in the house and told her she had spoilt her chance at playing out. I let her know she chose to misbehave, even after I had told her that her good behaviour needed to be at home too and not just in school. She calmed down eventually and got it - I hope.

    I'm making better choices myself, so that should help her too.

    As for being bullied, right now I am pretty much 100% sure that isn't the case. Macy is her best friend and honestly, she loves her too bits. I however know what LC is like, very domineering and bossy. Macy is nothing like LC and will tell the teacher if she isn't happy with things LC is doing, but for some reason they're still always drawn back together. I suppose it's like sisters.

    xx
    Last edited by Minx_Kristi; 10-11-2013 at 03:57 AM.
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

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    Community Host ChristaM's Avatar
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    HUGS!! I can totally relate -- my DD just turned 7. She has had issues with dominance, inability to sit still, etc. She was finally diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and we have been working to find what helps her the best ever since. One of the best things we are doing is having her see a behavioral therapist -- this is someone who works with her to teach her the best avenue/outlet for her feelings, emotions, energy, etc. I think this is a wonderful approach and would genuinely benefit most all kids

    I love Missy's advice to explore other venues; try working with the school to find a collaborative approach. Maybe switching teachers would help? Moving her desk? Changing the peers she sits by? There are all sorts of things that can be done to help without singaling her out. We also have Kendall in gymnastics, swimming and tennis to help with the energy (she is more H in the ADHD than anything else).

    Just keep your head held high and know that you are not a failure as a parent (that you care enough to worry about this is indicative of that) and keep on being the best advocate for your child!
    Me: Christa, 41
    DH: Craig, 47 (Married: 8/19/05)
    DD: Kendall Evelyn (10/6/06)
    DS: Quentin Vincent (4/14/09)

    : November 2012@ 10 weeks (due date: 6/22/13)
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