Question for the Answer Box (i.e. responses from YOU!): I hate being pregnant. I listen to friends all share -- excited about what's going on with their body and baby and all I can think about is I can't wait to get this over with. Has anyone else felt this way? When the baby was born were you able to feel close?
**Additional comments** This pregnant mom has requested a clarification after seeing feedback on our other social channels. "I have always wanted to be a mom and long to have a close relationship with my child. My feelings of 'disenchantment' with the pregnancy itself, however, has me fear that it will impact my feelings for the baby after birth. I realize that there are those suffering from loss and infertility. I did not intend for my question to cause them pain or make me seem ungrateful. I just wanted to know if I am abnormal for not enjoying being pregnant and reassurance that I can still bond well with my baby. For those that were upset, I am truly sorry. Thanks for listening."
My first piece of advice is to not worry about it too much. Everything changes when you meet your baby for the first time. Adoptive moms will tell you that you can absolutely bond with your baby even if you were never pregnant!
But my second piece of advice would be to consider why you're feeling this way and see if you might be able to turn your thinking around. Why should </SPAN>this pregnancy be just something to get through when it *can* be the most empowering & joyful experience of your life? Here are my thoughts about some of the usual complaints of pregnancy:
Are you sick, physically?</SPAN> Please talk to your doctor if you are vomiting more than once a day, or if your nausea is severe or constant enough to interfere with your normal daily activities. There are drugs that are safe for you to take that can help immensely. Are you worried or anxious? </SPAN>Stop reading things like "What to Expect" that fill you with so much negative information about all the things that can go wrong; choose instead more positive things like the Birthing Naturally board here on pg.org -- or anything by Ina May Gaskin! :) Are you frustrated by the dietary limitations?</SPAN> Have a small glass of wine once in a while, have a deli sandwich at home with packaged meat, which is perfectly safe, and find a new favorite snack that is good for you. I munched on almonds throughout both my pregnancies, they are delicious & good for you but not something I normally think to eat. Are you frustrated with the physical limitations?</SPAN> If you were carrying around a 20-pound sack of potatoes, you'd be moving more slowly, unable to walk up as many stairs, and generally grumpy at times. This is no different. Except that it *is* different -- you are growing a new person! How awesome is that??? Are you not sleeping well at night?</SPAN> Consider this practice for having a newborn, LOL. :P And start taking naps during the day any time you can manage. I used to put my chair across the doorway of my cubicle, and curl up on a yoga mat! Is baby keeping you awake at night?</SPAN> I found that my baby would stay asleep when I got up to use the bathroom if I didn't turn on the light or flush the toilet. Just that one small change in my routine kept baby sleeping on the inside, which allowed me to get back to sleep myself. Are you feeling like this is never going to end?</SPAN> It will. Trust us on this one. These months seem endless right now, but as soon as that baby is in your arms instead of your belly, it's going to feel like it went far too fast. To put it in perspective, if you live to be 90, it's just 0.83% of your entire life. And at the end, a brand-new adventure starts with your sweet, precious baby -- whom you WILL LOVE!</SPAN>
I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy. When I had an U/S at 8 weeks for bleeding, I cried that it wasn't twins because I knew we wanted 2-3 kids and I couldn't imagine being pregnant again. Around 6 or 7 months I remember saying that people must only have more than one kids by accident because I couldn't imagine choosing to get pregnant again. I was not glowing and I wasn't marveling at the new life growing in me. I had morning sickness all day and night until 8 months, bleeding for the first trimester, severe low blood pressure issues for the 2nd and third trimester and carpel tunnel from week 30 on. I was miserable and tired. I didn't talk to my baby in utero. I didn't plan on how our life would be after baby.
For DD2, I had all the same physical problems except she was born early so they didn't go on as long. Mentally, I had a different perspective. I had just had a loss so I appreciated what was happening in me even though it caused havoc in my body. I also had DD1 which while she drives me crazy, she is amazing. I was also forced to be busier in that pregnancy because of DD1 and we moved cross country so even though I felt miserable, I didn't have time to think about it so time flew by.
You two are terrific! Thanks for taking the time to share such incredibly positive answers, advice, and encouragement!! Awesome responses!
I am a bit late answering so I hope that is o.k.
with my first son, I was a worried a lot about my pregnancy due to previous miscarriages but in terms of health. I loved being pregnant and felt amazing.
With my second son, I had some many issues with his pregnancy. I was on pelvic rest, then thought I was doing to loose him and then I was on bedrest. It was a emotional roller coaster. My first son was born at 34 weeks and even though it was only 3 weeks in the NICU didn't want my 2nd to come early too. However with all that being said I had a lot of moments that I wanted the worry, the constant doctor appointments, the bedrest to end. It was just taking it's toll on me emotionally and physically. I felt many times I disconnected from the pregnancy. he ended up being born early at 26 weeks and 3 days. The days after I had a hard time connecting with him for many reasons but he is one of the most amazing little boys you could ever ask for me.