I got a positive pregnancy test on Thursday. I decided not to make any decisions until we got through Christmas. I am considering every option and am not not leaning towards any one more strongly than the other. There is so much to consider.
I am 30-years old. I finish college next semester. I work full-time as a bar manager at a restaurant and have gone to school part-time off and on. I am only about 3 weeks pregnant. But nausea has already set in. I want to speak to a pregnancy counselor tomorrow, if possible. I don't have an appointment but I hope some where there is someone I can speak to. There are 2 pregnancy care centers in my city and the health department has services. There are probably hotlines and places to call also.
Here is the big thing. The father does not know. He is a married father of 2. He has been married about 4 years. We have been having an affair for around 2 years. I never contact him, I have to wait for him to contact me. And he only does that when he is at work. He has been off for Christmas and will be through the first of the year. He has one of those picture perfect families; big house, beautiful kids, his wife is a stay-at-home-wife, they are highly respected, etc... He has everything to lose!!! This could ruin his life and be traumatic for his children. (Not to mention the trauma for their extended families.) I don't want to cause them harm. I might never tell him, just leave his life claiming it is for another reason. But I haven't decided.
I do not want to have an abortion, but I can if it for the best. But I am very embarrassed to be single and pregnant. But more than that I hate the hurt, pain and humiliation will cause my parents that I am single and pregnant. And I don't know how I will answer the question of who the father is. Also, I am not sure if I could work at m job while pregnant. I am on my feet over 40 hours a week. Some days are short shifts, like 5/6 hours, and some days are double shifts, like 10-12 hours.
I don't know if I could go through the pain of having to give birth then give my child away. And the trauma that would put my family through. I just know how to even decide who should parent the child. I don't even know where to start.
I don't think parenting is an option, just because I don't have the money. I mean, how would I even pay my rent while I can't work from recovering from birth? And day care when I do work? It is all too much. I also have debts; I owe a couple grand in student loans and a credit card from car maintenance. I have nearly no savings. I struggle to take of me.
So does anyone have any advice?