MIL not taking no for an answer!

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MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3210
MIL not taking no for an answer!

Q

uestion for the Answer Box (i.e. responses from YOU!): My MIL is wanting to travel cross country to us two weeks before my due date and to stay up to four weeks after the birth. While I love my in-laws, I don't want my *own* mom here! I want to enjoy this final time alone as a couple & later alone so that I can get to know my baby (and how to be a mom) without outsiders. Both dh & I have tried explaining but MIL continues with the guilt trips. I end most of our conversations in tears and dh is starting to cave. HELP!

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

You need to be brutally honest, if you don't want her there and she's not taking the hint.

My MIL lives about 4 hours away by boat and train and she reeeeeally wanted to be here when DD was born. I struggled with it because I'd only ever met her twice before I gave birth. For the sake of DBF though, I let her. When we got home, I hated every minute of her being there because she would tell me I wasn;t washing bottles right, or I wasn't dressing DD right, or telling me I was changing her nappy too much etc etc. So yes, I feel your pain!!

xx

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

You don't know when the baby will arrive. My first was almost 2 weeks late. That would have sucked if either set of parents had decided to come for the 2 weeks before my due date! Both set of parents lived an 8 + hour drive away. My ILs wanted to see the baby (because they saw all their grandkids on their first day) and my mom wanted to help. We said no people staying with us for the first week because my husband was taking that week off and we wanted to feel comfortable taking care of baby before we had to deal with visitors. My ILs drove up as soon as I was in labour. They stayed in a hotel, saw the baby for about an hour each day , stayed for pizza my first night home and then they left. Great visit. My mom came up a week later and stayed for a week. That was also great because I felt comfortable giving her my not sleeping baby at 2am so I could go back to bed. I also had complications after delivery and spent day 8 post partum in the ER. I was so thankful my mom was there.

With my second, we had just moved across country. My ILs planned to drive their motorhome out so they would be in the area around my due date. My mom wanted to book flights (ahead of time so they would be cheaper) and she wanted to be helpful. I told her if she wanted to be here when there was a baby for sure, she should book 2 weeks after my due date. When my water broke at 33 weeks, my mom dropped everything and flew out so she could look after my older daughter because I was hospitalized until delivery. Again, I was so grateful my mom was there because once labour did start, my husband had 30 minutes to make a 30 minute drive in the middle of the night. He would have missed that delivery if he had to do anything to take care of our older daughter before he left.

I really appreciated having someone there with our second child but I didn't want it with our first. We told our families that people were welcome to visit but in the first week after delivery, we weren't having house guests. Part of the excuse was my husband would be home that week but after he went back to work was when I'd really need help. Besides, in her plan, she could miss the baby anyway (too early/too late!).