Need some holiday advice, Thanksgiving and Christmas

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abbyblack's picture
Joined: 06/18/09
Posts: 146
Need some holiday advice, Thanksgiving and Christmas

Preface: My husband and I have been married for 4 years, own a home and are expecting our first child in March. My husband and I work for my mother and my brother. Also, since my parents live close to us, instead of to my other siblings (my oldest brother lives nearby too, but has his own wife, kids and grandchild) my husband feels my parents feel "obligated" to do something with us since my older brother does his own thing with his family.

This year my sister down in Los Angeles (usually a 7 hour drive on a non-holiday) emailed my mom and dad to invite them down for Thanksgiving. My mom said she isn't going since she is going to be down in L.A. two weeks before that. I keep telling her to go! She should spend some actual family time with her grandchildren and my dad should spend some time with his grandchildren. If my husband and I were going to travel anywhere this year it would be to Florida (we live in CA) to see his daughter, who we haven't seen in 4 years, but financially that is not possible. Is my mom being unreasonable to say she is "disappointed in my husband"? Is it my fault my mom is refusing my older sister's invitation?

Since my husband got out of the military in 2005 we have never had a holiday the two of us and that is where my question comes into play. Is it alright for us to decide at 34 and 29 year old to decide we want to do the holidays at our house this year? Would it be rude for my husband and I to do Thanksgiving the two of us this year?? (Back story, he races motorcycles and has been planning to go to the Thunderhill track (3 hours from us) Friday after Thanksgiving for over a month before the invite to LA). Also, since we work for my mom he is afraid that the conversation will turn to work. Anytime we do take time "off" we get phone calls because the apparently they can't function 3 days without us.

Joined: 04/27/09
Posts: 251

"abbyblack" wrote:

Would it be rude for my husband and I to do Thanksgiving the two of us this year??

Absolutely not!!!! It sounds like you guys get to spend LOTS of family time with your parents, I don't think that one holiday apart is going to shatter your whole family. I know it's hard to say "no", but sometimes it can be so freeing!!! LOL!!!! Last Christmas DH and I ditched our families so that we could go on our delayed honeymoon to Barbados. Our families were disappointed that we weren't part of the celebration, but they got over it.

When I was in university and my brother in highschool, my parents took us on a two week vacation to Hawaii over the Christmas holidays. It was the first Christmas in 20 years that we didn't spend with our extended families. My mom's family totally put the gears to her - she's the oldest of her four siblings, and they all rely on her to run the show at Thanksgivng and Christmas every year. That particular year she decided to take a pass on family craziness....and she never regretted it. Her family laid the guilt trip of a lifetime on her, but they got over it.

My point is, the holidays are stressful enough, especially when you are jumping through hoops to keep other family members happy....I don't see anything wrong with taking a break from the madness every now and then. You might catch some grief, but life goes on.

abbyblack's picture
Joined: 06/18/09
Posts: 146


Awww Hawaii does sound nice! Smile My mom and dad took just my youngest sibling and I to Hawaii one year during our Christmas break. It was nice the 4 of us.

It will be nice to have a staycation the two of us before the baby arrives Smile I think we may invite his best friend over since his family is on the East Coast.

To be honest I am so excited about being a "grown up" and cooking my own Thanksgiving that I already purchased some of the kitchen supplies I need. I just got my carving board today from Amazon! Also, my husband and I have already planned our menu Smile

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I say you do whatever you feel is best. I know it's hard when you have family close, and I get where you're coming from. I'll be about one week from my due date when Thanksgiving hits next month, and trust me, I would much rather it just be myself, DH, and the kids... but I too feel obligated to have the parents over for the holiday... and their children (I have four MUCH younger siblings... and they drive me crazy!!)!!