opinions please

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Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261
opinions please

So, if you're DH had a friend who you couldn't stand... would you expect him to stop the friendship?

xx

toothy35's picture
Joined: 02/20/06
Posts: 4578

no........he's his own person and can have his own friendships..........just DON't bring him to the house, cuz then he's on my turf, and will have to deal with the wrath of colleen.......LOL>....... but as long as he's not a murderer or a drug dealer or someone my husband could get into trouble with association......and just a loser......well......that's my husbands choice to hang with a loser!!!!!!!

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Ha - great response Colleen. What if you and Dh know that his loser friend is bad mouthing you around the neighborhood?

Anyone else offer a diff opinion?

xx

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

In response to the first question... no. As much as you'd like to, no. BTDT... sort of. Dh has a couple friends that I can only tolerate in small doses... thankfully one moved far away so only shows up or calls once in the blue moon. As long as I don't have to spend a lot of time with the friend/he spends most of their time together not in my home I'm good.

In response to the second question... I think if dh knows the friend is badmouthing you and does nothing about it he needs a kick in the you-know-what. I would hope that dh tells his friend to knock it off/apologize and he (dh) sticks up for you. If the friend doesn't, then I think dh should really evaluate that friendship... why would he want to hang around with someone insulting his wife?? I still may not have the "right" to tell my dh he cannot be friends/hang around with X, but I'd certainly make my opinion known if he didn't do anything about it/still chose to hang out with him. To me that is a huge slap in the face... that he would appear to side with the badmouthing friend over supporting me.

ETA: I don't mean I wouldn't tell him I don't want him hanging around with so-called-friend... I totally would... but since he's an adult and makes his own choices, I can't really "force" him not to the same way I can not allow my children to play with certain other children, kwim? But I'd be totally :pissed: if he still was friends.

toothy35's picture
Joined: 02/20/06
Posts: 4578

well bad mouthing me is a different story, cuz then dh would have to stick up for me, and i'm sure that would lead to a problem in the friendship..........so in order for dh to keep the peace at home.....he better not hang with said loser that is talking crap about me........LOL.......dh does know what's best (sometimes.....)

sorry, i know you asked for someone elses opinion.....

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Ha Colleen, I don't mind you commenting!! I was hoping (still am) that someone might say YES LOL.

Marla I get you, you wouldn't be a b*tch about the situation lol.

Let's throw another scenario in.

What if when your DH hangs with him he acts like a complete moron. Like, he will talk like crap to you if you call??

xx

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

Marla I get you, you wouldn't be a b*tch about the situation lol.

Wanna bet? Wink Logically that's what I'd ideally do (what I said above)... in reality... I'd probably give him a VERY good, VERY loud earful! I can handle the idiot friend... to some degree... but letting the idiot friend badmouth me? No. Not happening. And dh *WILL* hear about it if he doesn't stop it.

Let's throw another scenario in.

What if when your DH hangs with him he acts like a complete moron. Like, he will talk like crap to you if you call??

Let's put it this way... when my dh has been hanging around his aforementioned friends for "too long", I can tell even without calling :rolleyes: Of course when he acts like a moron he claims he's just horsing around/having fun. Yeah... whatever. :rolleyes: However, I've learnt that there really isn't anything I can do about it. I say something and I'm considered a [fill in the blank] or told I'm just being immature/too serious. In my case, dh at least acknowledges that these friends can be idiots and (usually) is aware... moreso when he hasn't been spending all his time with them. But if they were badmouthing me I wouldn't be even remotely so "understanding"... and if dh was doing the same... there'd be you-know-what to pay.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Does DH have a right to 'have a word' with the loser friend though if he isn't bad mouthing you to him, but he knows he is saying things to other people?

Why do morons even exsist?! Throws such spanners into life LOL.

xx

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

Does DH have a right to 'have a word' with the loser friend though if he isn't bad mouthing you to him, but he knows he is saying things to other people?

ABSOLUTELY! No question about that! And if he didn't dh would be sleeping in the doghouse until he did (or in our case... the rabbit pen since we don't have a dog house ;))

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

PMSL!!!

Ok cool, thanks for helping me out with this Marla Smile

xx

combatcutie's picture
Joined: 04/04/07
Posts: 2118

I think it all depends on if it is causing a problem in the marriage. My DH had a friend, who happened to be a girl (yes, I was friends with her too, but not as good as DH). Well, she relied on him for everything and would call him all the time. Well, it started to become a problem even after I talked to both of them about how it made me feel. It started making us resent one another and not get along. We ended up in counseling. I told him millions of times I didn't want him on the phone with her. It has calmed down, but that was thanks to the counselor helping him understand why it bothered me.

As for confronting the moron that is talking crap about you....ABSOLUTELY. If DH didn't do it, I would. That is uncalled for and disrespectful to you and your DH

Good luck

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

No... not if it was just someone I just didn't get along with for my own reasons. But if they were a really bad influence, or someone that did drugs or drank heavily and was trying to get my DH to participate, I would have to put my foot down.

VixB's picture
Joined: 05/07/08
Posts: 1435

no.