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  1. #1
    Prolific Poster KET_2010's Avatar
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    Default Should we tell them?

    Okay, I have a question that I'd like opinions on. I'm going to explain why my husband wants to do what he wants to do.

    My husband and I don't have a good relationship with his side of the family. Ever since we started dating they have blamed me for everything he has done they didn't agree with. Examples include: him wanting to graduate HS early, moving in together, getting a job that didn't require him watching his brother's kids, joining the military, getting married, having our daughter, having our own phone plan, etc.

    We make our decisions together. And I was the only one who supported him when he joined the military (his family immediately said I "forced" him to do it and trapped him into marrying me and purposely got pregnant). His entire life his family has pushed him aside and bad things happened when he was younger but his family looked the other way (his mom and oldest sister were more interested in drugs, his other sister pretended nothing was wrong, and his brother was too busy living off their gma, oh and his mom wouldn't allow his dad to be a part of his life). The only person who stood up for him was his gma.

    Anyway, since we have moved we limit our contact with them. His family called him saying his gma was dying and he needed to come home because she wouldn't make it through his deployment. He called his gma who was perfectly fine!!!

    Since that time he has had about enough of them and decided they get one more chance. Every time he leaves (boot camp, training, the field, deployment) his family attacks me. They post nasty things on FB (I have removed them because of that) and told me I didn't know him and he will always have feelings for his ex gf (he hates her with a passion because of how horrible she was to him), and even went as far as saying there is something medically wrong with our children. They also tell me I need to control him to do things they want him to do, and if I let him make his own decisions they say I'm controlling him to do the other things! They have even gone as far as saying I destroyed their family when before I came along, they only talked to him when they wanted him to watch his nieces or nephews.

    During deployment, his family got mad and accused me of knowing more than what I did, and then were convinced he was home after being gone a month (his deployment was only 10 weeks so there wasn't an address, which they were sure I had). They refer to him as "MY son" or "MY brother" (like a possessive thing). They have gone as far as saying I don't really love him and only am using him for his money (HA HA HA!)

    He has since gotten back from deployment (but is back in the field until the end of the month) and he hasn't contacted them. He said he wants to cut them out of our lives for good. And plans on telling them this after he comes back from the field.

    Also, it's not like I write him or call him or anything to tell them what they're saying. When he gets home and sees me he can tell something is wrong. After not seeing me for a month when he was in training he could tell I had lost a lot of weight from the stress (back in 2010) and that I wasn't myself. He said even now he sees how they pretty much destroyed me (I have battled off and on with bad depression). And so I end up telling him and showing him to texts or emails or FB junk. He has also heard it on the phone when we were on speaker and they began yelling at me, blaming me for things (then later denied saying it!)

    My question is, since we are now expecting a new addition to our family, should we tell them we're pregnant (although they may say I'm trapping him further)? And if so when? I mean I'm only 7 weeks right now but I'm already showing (although that could just be bloating). We don't live anywhere near them, and I have my online stuff set to private so his family can't see anything. What do you ladies think?
    Last edited by KET_2010; 08-16-2011 at 04:48 PM.


    Katie and Tyler: 04/13/2010
    Isabelle Elaine: 10/07/2005
    Lorelei Evelyn: 11/01/2009
    Desmond Jensen: 03/23/2012
    Juno Ezra: 10/31/2013

  2. #2
    Posting Addict Jenn0113's Avatar
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    If you guys plan to cut them off for good - why tell them? They will eventually hear it from someone.

    I feel like when you get married you LEAVE YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER and are one with your spouse. Sounds like they are jealous that you "took" him from them
    Jenn & Jus 1.13.06
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  3. #3
    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    I'm with Jenn, why bother?!

    If anyone, nevermind DBFs family said something about my kid having medical problems I would go sick on their a$$es. How awful!!

    xx
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  4. #4
    Posting Addict carg0612's Avatar
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    I concur - don't bother. They aren't worth your breath anyway. What a bunch of [insert appropriate expletive here]!!!

    Man, and I thought my MIL was bad - your IL's are wretched!!!

    GL - I hope it all goes well for you. I'm glad you and your DH are a united front, that's so important.
    Christina + Rory = a grand total of:
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  5. #5
    Posting Addict Starryblue702's Avatar
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    I say a cut off is a cutt off. I wouldn't tell them jack. It sounds to me like you married into Satan's family, and they're not worthy of your time (or your precious children's time) at all.
    Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
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  6. #6
    Prolific Poster KET_2010's Avatar
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    Thank you ladies for helping!

    I just (for some unknown reason) feel guilty for it. But then that is part of their tearing me down to try and control me thing. (They guilt trip all the time and try to make you out to be the evil one when they're the ones who started it and you either ignore them or defended yourself. Then when they want something they say lets forget what happened and be one big happy family...then turn around and do it all over again).

    Next week is when he's telling them they're out of our lives (we want this holiday weekend to relax). I will be expecting hate texts, emails, phone calls, etc from them, ha ha. But then again, that's what block is for!


    Katie and Tyler: 04/13/2010
    Isabelle Elaine: 10/07/2005
    Lorelei Evelyn: 11/01/2009
    Desmond Jensen: 03/23/2012
    Juno Ezra: 10/31/2013

  7. #7
    Posting Addict carg0612's Avatar
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    I'm glad you're taking the long weekend to chillax, good for you. Stress isn't good during a pg.

    GL to you - I hope things will go ok and they won't give you too hard a time. Either way just know that you are doing the right thing for you and your family.

    Enjoy the weekend and let us know what happens next week - we're here to support you!
    Christina + Rory = a grand total of:
    Amelia, Anthony, Andon, Noah, Mason, & Trinity-woof


  8. #8
    Mega Poster myboys's Avatar
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    Wow so sorry you're having to go through that. Good luck

    By the way i LOVE your little girls name " Lorelai " I am a huge Gilmore Girls fan and wanted to name my girl Lorelai if i had one
    Dawn ( 32 )
    ~ Mom of two boys ( 13 ) & ( 6 )

    I'm learning little by little that we decide what our lives are gonna be. Things happen to us. But it's our reactions that matter

  9. #9
    Prolific Poster _Jessicah_'s Avatar
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    Next week is when he's telling them they're out of our lives (we want this holiday weekend to relax). I will be expecting hate texts, emails, phone calls, etc from them, ha ha. But then again, that's what block is for!
    I would block them from having any contact at all with you and your family if they are that volatile. I would probably change my numbers so I didn't have to worry about it. I am sorry that you have to go through all of that. I agree with a PP who said it seems like his family is jealous that you "took" him from them.
    Jessicah and Bill
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  10. #10
    Community Host combatcutie's Avatar
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    I'm with Jenn. If they cause you that much grief and DH is wanting to cut them out of your life, don't bother telling them. You are under no obligation to have them in your life. And reading what you have posted, I have to ask why you would want to? Good luck

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