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  1. #11
    Prolific Poster Danifo's Avatar
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    I have no advice because I can smell smoke on people and can totally understand having no desire to touch or be near them. That lack of initmacy is really hard on a relationship. How does he feel about it?

    I'd agree that he has to want to quit. The more you make it a big deal, the more he might be digging his feet in, even subconciously. Does the thought of not having children encourage him to quit?

    One of the guys I worked with smoked for years. When he was 40, he wanted a Harley. His wife said if he quit smoking, they could fit it in their budget. He got the bike and hasn't smoked since (6+ years now).
    DD1 July 2008 (41w3d)
    November 2010 (13 weeks)
    DD2 August 2011 (33w5d)

  2. #12
    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    Well, I think DH finally understands a little better at how much it's bothering me. He says I make him stressed so maybe I should just take a vacation without him and let him quit while I'm gone. It's not perfect but I'm giving it a try for now as long as he tries to quit!
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


  3. #13
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    (((hugs)))

    My DH started smoking when he went home for a couple of months to help his mom when she had to have a hysterectomy; his two youngest sisters were still in elementary school & his stepdad traveled for business, and she literally had no other help. I was so ticked when he came back smoking! I knew he had smoked as a teenager but he'd quit years before I met him. I put up with it for a while, but then I had had enough. Like you, I didn't want to hold him or kiss him or sleep next to him, much less make love iwth him. I felt like I stank & our house stank. I was ready to leave, and I told him that I would not marry him unless he quit for good.

    My DH wasn't addicted so much to the nicotine as to the ritual of smoking, so the key for him was to find something else to *do* when he felt that he needed to smoke. He identified that his major trigger was after eating, so we found other things that gave him something to do with his mouth & hands after a meal -- namely chewing gum and knitting; he made a hat for himself & a scarf for me! And both of those things were easy enough for him to give up a few months later when he'd kicked the smoking addiction. It sounds like your DH might be the same way, so maybe help him think outside the box about ways that might help him kick this?
    David Letterman is retiring. Such great memories of watching him over the past thirty-two years!

  4. #14
    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Another thing that might help are the electric cigarettes. I'm not sure if they have them in the Canada (although I'm sure they do!) and they can be bought online. They still have the nicotine but they don't smell.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 30
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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  5. #15
    Mega Poster raingirl28's Avatar
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    Kristi, never heard of those. I know they have electric ones here, but they are just steam, no nicotine. I will see if we have anything like that here.
    Rachael & Rob 08/10/08
    Destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
    6 years, 3 REs, 2 surgeries, 5 IUIs, success on the 5th try!
    Baby Girl Rowan ~ Dec 10, 2013 ~


  6. #16
    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    They're called E-lites I think. My mum is currently using them, trying to give up herself and I plan on trying them out too. It's just like smoking a normal cigarette but you find you do it less often and like I said they don't smell and just have the nicotine rather than all the chemicals in a regular cigarette.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 30
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

  7. #17
    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Here is the website for over the pond...

    http://www.e-lites.org/
    Me - Kristi, 30
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

  8. #18
    Mega Poster ambie719's Avatar
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    I don't think you're being too harsh Rach, but the unfortunate truth is that you can't make him quit if he doesn't really want to/isn't ready. My mother has smoked for 30 years, all through her pregnancy and my childhood (which I totally attribute my asthma to), and has tried several times to quit, but at this point I've completely given up hope that she ever will. DH smoked for like 15 years, he smoked when we started dating. I told him that was fine, despite the fact that I have asthma, but no smoking in the house and he had to quit before we had our first kid. He tried but failed. Then I updated to no smoking in the car since the baby was in there. I saw him slip on that a few times and totally chewed him out for it. Anyway over the 7 years we've been together he's seriously tried quitting 3-4 times, 3 of those times using Champix. I used to get on his case about it a lot but eventually realized that nothing I could say or threaten would do anything if he wasn't ready. His biggest downfall was work, he works in a kitchen and pretty much the only breaks they get are smoke breaks, and he just really couldn't break the habit. But he finally got serious about this winter, got on the Champix again, and did it while he was on xmas leave for 3 weeks. He's been smoke free for around 6 months now, I ask occasionally how he feels about it, just to check in and make sure that he's not struggling with it, he says he misses the textile aspect of holding a smoke in his hands, etc, but the taste and smell just turn him off now.

    Your DH can and probably will do quit someday, but sadly no ultimatum or what seems like good motivation will push him any faster. His wife and children's health, his own health, and $100-150 a month weren't enough for my DH until for some reason one day he'd decided he was done.
    Amber/25 & Chris/36 - 15-Dec-06 Apr/08 & Oct/11


  9. #19
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    Hi, I'm new to this site & came across this topic so I thought I'd add my 2 cents worth. My DH & I are both trying to quit smoking, me especially considering I just found out I am expecting baby #2. He came across a little shop near where he works that sell vapor cigarettes. They are very similar to the E-Cig, but with these, he can buy liquid nicotine. That's all it is, straight nicotine without the harsh nasty chemicals or the smell ( at least I think so). Since we've been using these, I cannot even stand to be around people who smoke, the smell is so bad. The vapor cigs come in different strengths & flavors. For us, a bottle of 18mg nicotine is $8.99 where we purchase them and the flavors are $10.99. One bottle will last us almost 2 weeks, verses spending almost $12 a day between the 2 of us for cigarettes. Good luck to both of you! I know how hard it is to quit, but I also know not hearing my toddler cough all the time is worth every moment that I NEED that cigarette and grab my vapor instead.

  10. #20
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    No advice, just lots of

    ~Bonita~

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