Worst few days ever!

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Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261
Worst few days ever!

I went to collect DD from nursery on Friday and before I could get her, I was ushered into the kitchen a long with other parents. I was wondering WTH was going on and never would have imagined it to be what is was!

Basically, DD's nursery teacher who looks after her all day every day had been arrested due to allegations made by a child's parent. The teacher has apparently done something to this child and upon arrest, police found indecent images of children in his posession!

We were all in tears, including the nursery's owner. I don't know what to think and I'm not allowed to question DD as I have to wait to hear from the police so that someone can do it professionally Sad I am heartbroken.

Things like this happen in movies or you hear of it on the news being done a million miles away. NOT to or near your own children!

xx

Joined: 06/24/12
Posts: 252

Ohhhh hunnie! I am SO SO SO sorry you have to go through this right now! I can not even imagine how devestated you are. I would keep your ears perked up, and be a little more attentive than usual when it comes to listening to what DD has to say about school, etc. Keep an open line of communication with owner, other parents and police. Knowledge is power in situations like these.

I am truly so sorry that you have to go through this. STAY STRONG!!!

Please keep us updated!!

combatcutie's picture
Joined: 04/04/07
Posts: 2153

OMG,how horrible. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I cannot imagine how devestating this is. Definitely keep an eye on your daughter and see if she says anything about school. I hope he has not touched your daughter and he gets the punishment he deserves. Please keep us posted

Jules's picture
Joined: 10/03/01
Posts: 797

Kristi, I am so sorry. Having your child (or even thinking it's a possibility) exploited can leave you feeling so helpless, angry, sad and about a hundred other emotions all wrapped into one.

My husband works for children and family services. In our state (I know laws may be different for you), children must be interviewed only by a trained professional. The interviewer won't act in a way to traumatize the child or make suggestions as to what may or may not have happened. Another person is there just for the child, too.

I will be thinking of you and your family and all the parents in this group. (((hugs)))
Julie

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6568

:bigarmhug: How terrible! Having something you couldn't talk to your child about would be almost as bad as what could have happened Sad So hoping nothing happened to your child. :bigarmhug:

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

Oh my gosh Kristi, that is terrible!!! I am so sorry to hear that you (and possibly your daughter) are having to deal with the fallout of that total sickos behavior! That would be maddening to not be allowed to talk to your daughter about it yet either, although I do understand why they probably need to talk to her first to see if she even has any idea, but that would still be gut wrenching. Many many hugs to you and your daughter, and hoping fervently that she was not affected by it in any way.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Thanks ladies.

Jules, yes that's what I was thinking and I would definitely like her to be questioned by them just to be sure! It annoys me so much though that she even has to be put in that situation....

This person has not only ruined his own life, but his families, he's put the future of the nursery at risk and obviously he has tainted the lives of the parents who's kids are involved. What is the point??

I haven't heard anything yet, I just know that it made the local paper and that he had over 100 images..... makes me sick.

xx

Joined: 05/15/08
Posts: 413

*Lurker*

I helped a friend once, who had reason to suspect her daughter (3yo) had been abused by a relative. You're in the UK, so things are probably different there, but this is what authorities told us (we're in California). If you possibly can, take some time off work or have your child stay with a relative during your work day. Even if she's completely unaware of what was wrong at daycare, being ripped from her routine so suddenly is going to be hard on her, and she will need reassurance.

Like it said in PP, don't ask her any questions. HOWEVER, if you have the SLIGHTEST inkling from her behavior that she has been mistreated, take her to the hospital (when we suspected with my friend's daughter, we called a nurse, who told us to drop everything and go to the ER). Keep an eye on her behavior and save or photograph anything she draws, paints, or creates. These things can be useful for the specialist, as young children sometimes have trouble expressing themselves.

For young children, the specialist is primarily there to determine whether the child needs further counseling. Since they are generally too young to know what happened (if anything), evidence has to be VERY solid for it to be admissible. The police really can't use your daughter for evidence or testimony, if British courts are anything like ours.

In the mean time, keep your daughter as close as possible, and just love on her. Take care of yourself, too. It will get better. ((HUGS))

"Jules" wrote:

Kristi, I am so sorry. Having your child (or even thinking it's a possibility) exploited can leave you feeling so helpless, angry, sad and about a hundred other emotions all wrapped into one.

My husband works for children and family services. In our state (I know laws may be different for you), children must be interviewed only by a trained professional. The interviewer won't act in a way to traumatize the child or make suggestions as to what may or may not have happened. Another person is there just for the child, too.

I will be thinking of you and your family and all the parents in this group. (((hugs)))
Julie

Joined: 06/24/12
Posts: 252

To be honest, when it comes to pedophiles, one hundred images is truly not that much, you usually see in the thousands to hundred thousands, but, in reality, a man with even ONE photo of a child being exploited should not be allowed children at all. May I ask, and feel free to not answer, but how old was he? How long was he working at the nursery?

I may sound sexist, but I was raised solely by my father, and we were never allowed to be babysat by a man, or even taught by a man until highschool. My father didn't speak to me for weeks when I did not go to the school and fight to have DD second grade teacher changed, because he was a male. My father had severe issues when it came to my sister and I around men, and I see those same feelings/judgements/behaviors come out in me.

Though, thank heavens, my family has never suffered any trauma like this, I feel like the less interaction my daughter has with males, the better. Though we are learning, females are just as dangerous as well.

Please KUP and keep your head up!

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

"Momma2Girls" wrote:

To be honest, when it comes to pedophiles, one hundred images is truly not that much, you usually see in the thousands to hundred thousands, but, in reality, a man with even ONE photo of a child being exploited should not be allowed children at all. May I ask, and feel free to not answer, but how old was he? How long was he working at the nursery?

I may sound sexist, but I was raised solely by my father, and we were never allowed to be babysat by a man, or even taught by a man until highschool. My father didn't speak to me for weeks when I did not go to the school and fight to have DD second grade teacher changed, because he was a male. My father had severe issues when it came to my sister and I around men, and I see those same feelings/judgements/behaviors come out in me.

Though, thank heavens, my family has never suffered any trauma like this, I feel like the less interaction my daughter has with males, the better. Though we are learning, females are just as dangerous as well.

Please KUP and keep your head up!

See, I can't be judgemental like that. Plenty of men work around children or in a social care environment and they don't mess with the children. I try not to tar people with the same brush, although maybe now I should!

Almost everyone I spoke to questioned why a man would want to work in a nursery and even the owner said people had questioned her too when she employed him. You have to treat everyone equal though and not pressume the worst.

He is 23 and has been working there since 2005.

I read the paper article (not online for some reason!) and it says that he's been charged with 10 offences and both indecent and psuedo photographs of children were found. I know what psuedo means but I'm not sure what it might mean regarding photographs. He has been bailed and his advocate asked if he could accompany his Mother in helping still teach his taekwando class........ and they said yes!! I am livid.

xx

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

The psudeo images may not be actual children but cartoon charcters or similar in a sexually explicit way. Not sure but i have come across charges for that in my work before.
I will just echo what others have said regarding documenting any changes you may notice in your daughter strange things she may have said. in saying that if you start looking too hard for anything you will always find something so just be observant as you would as a normal parent if that makes sense. I know here there is a special training for people especially for interviewing children in this situation and all the police i have ever worked with have been wonderful at questioning but not making a child feel uncomfortable.

I am sorry you and your daughter are even in this situation

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

Wow!! You're right - that is something you hear about only in movies.. I'm so sorry! Sad I do hope justice prevails.. !!

ChristaM's picture
Joined: 01/11/04
Posts: 713

So sorry your going through this. Thoughts and prayers to you all.