Hoarding

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SPCN319's picture
Joined: 06/14/06
Posts: 2118
Hoarding

Anyone else have a toy hoarder at home? Not in the "I cant' walk though my house" sense of hoarding, but when playing with other kids. Mine are just awful right now. They spend most of their waking hours grabbing toys from each other and fighting about who has the most. It makes no difference what the toy is or if they actually want to USE the toy, they just want it so the other can't have it. Drives me crazy!!

They're in the tub right now and Pax has every toy pushed up against his side of the tub so Tia can't reach them and Tia has all the bubbles pushed to her side so he can't get to them. :rolleyes:

At music class this morning, all the kids were given scarves to wave around and dance with. 15 kids were running around having a ball with the scarves and my two were picking every one up they could find and guarding them with their lives. :rolleyes:

I'm hoping this is just a phase, they're super competitive for attention right now too, but I'm not really sure how to handle it. Usually I just end up taking away whatever the offending item is, but it's done little to prevent the competition from starting in the first place.

luangwa's picture
Joined: 06/29/07
Posts: 8898

OhMyWord, if it wasn't so frustrating, it would be hilarious. We are just now getting into some sibling rivalry stuff, so I have zero advice. This sounds like it may take something creative to end it. Who starts it? Obviously there has to be an instigator, and the other is following up with a 'tit-for-tat', or a 'I can hog something too na na nana na'.

Allie01979's picture
Joined: 10/10/07
Posts: 4706

that's Aidan. It doesn't matter what William has, he HAS to have it. He used to just grab it (sometimes still does) but now he'll give him a different toy for it, and then end up taking that toy. It's driving me mad.

Joined: 06/09/06
Posts: 3264

HUGE problem over here, too. It's all Noelle right now, though, and I totally dread the twins getting in on this. I'm trying lots of things, but none of them are completely successful yet, and (as you said) NONE of them prevent it from starting in the first place. I've been doing a lot of reading about this, and my favorite 'solution' is asking them what is more important, their sibling or this toy they're fighting over. When they (hopefully!) answer that their sibling is more important, then explain that since the sibling is more important, we are not going to break our friendship over a toy and see if they can figure out how to share it themselves. If not, I take it away. I like that idea in theory, but it hasn't really worked yet in practice. Smile

Part of the problem is that I can only have a conversation with Noelle, not with the boys. And since she's so much bigger/smarter/faster than them, she just does what she pleases. I'm glad you brought this up, because I have really been at a loss. I don't know who took my sweet girl away, but I want her back! The other day, she and Micah were playing downstairs and she took the 'noisy' toys he was playing with and put them out of his reach on the couch because she couldn't hear the TV. :roll: Obviously the TV was turned off... But then a few days ago, Brian was walking along with a cup and she went over and took it from him... I couldn't believe it and gave her a huge lecture, during which she said nothing, but then my DH stepped in and said that she had been using that cup to dump granola in her yogurt and Brian actually took it from her first. I felt awful and apologized, but told her she needs to tell us when something like that happens and not just take it back from her brothers. But I couldn't believe she didn't even attempt to defend herself. Sad

I'm hoping someone will have some great ideas for a solution!

mommyvolc's picture
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 1296

Taking toys is huge in my house too. Here is my solution. If they are actively fighting over it...the toy goes into time out. No questions asked. It doesn't come back out as long as they WANT it. Once they are otherwise occupied, it goes back into the toy room. If they want a toy that the otherone is playing with, we take turns. I set the kitchen timer for 5 minutes. When it goes off, its the other one's turn. Usually by then, they've found something else to play with and are no longer interested.

Nicole

toothy35's picture
Joined: 02/20/06
Posts: 4578

if someone is taking toys.........i make thim give it back....if they put a fight giving it back.....the kid goes into timeout....if i see the kid actually take the toy out of their sibs hands.........the kid goes into timeout immediately, and they don't get the toy until i tell them they can have it.......
LUCKILY.......lucy and abby play well together.......and it's mr. jack that is getting sat on his bum alot lately......he is WAY more aggressive than the girls.....they are perfectly happy moving on to the next toy.......so i have to be all over jack right now....make sure he knows it is unacceptable to take from his sissy's...

brandifawn's picture
Joined: 05/28/07
Posts: 348

so glad to hear it's not just us! I too have no advice. I take the toy in question away from everyone and put it in timeout. Then anyone who throws a fit about the toy being taken away (William usually) ends up in time out too. We have more toys than these two little boys can even play with and the want to fight over whatever the other has from hot wheels cars to crayons to legos. drives. me. crazy.

shefrn1's picture
Joined: 08/28/07
Posts: 4148

yep...we are right there with you...and it's been this way for a long time.....they do now have moments where they play nice together with things but it usually doesn't last long.....and what i hate the most is when one of them grabs something and they don't even want it they just don't want the other one to get it.....

now they are usually better with other kids and don't really do the grabbing/hoarding thing.....i think for us it's more of a sibling rivelry thing going on.....but either way it maddening

Joined: 06/29/08
Posts: 1096

I only have one kid but my BFFs kids do this. The middle one is on track to end up on hoarders for real one day, lol. What she has done is said that each kid can have some "special" toys that they don't have to share - just keep them in your bed. Well, now the middle has so much crap in her bed she can barely fit in there to sleep! And if anybody touches it - like if I were to touch one of them - she FLIPS.

Even when she comes to my house to visit, she will grab a bunch of toys and take them up to the guest room like first thing. Total hoarder!