Hi friends! I'm so sorry I've been MIA, I just can't seem to catch up with life lately. I miss you all terribly though and will never be gone for good, I love you all too much! I love all the fun new threads that have been started, I'll do my best to participate when I can! The kids are talking an extra long nap today, so I have a little bit of time to play!
Sorry, this is really long, but I need to vent and see if anyone has advice. Where to start? OK, we started PTing last OCTOBER. Did the 3-day thing and it worked like a charm. We had an accident here and there for a few months, but were pretty much trained. I was pumped.
But then, he regressed. When we first trained, we didn't use pull-ups or diapers or anything, just dealt with accidents. We even went diaper-free at night. As the first few months continued, we had more and more night accidents until finally I caved and started putting him in diapers (or pullups? I don't remember) only at night. The waking at night wet and cold and the disappointment was really getting to all of us. Well, fast forward a few more months and we slowly transitioned into pull-ups when out, then some days at home (after 3 or 4 poop accidents in one day), to pretty much pullups ALL.THE.FRICKEN.TIME.
During the course of all this, we've tried every possible strategy I can think of. Food rewards, reward charts, toy rewards, punishment (loss of privileges), cold showers, curling up in the fetal position crying... (OK, maybe not that one, but I've wanted to!). When we were on vacation, DH for the first time saw how often he's been crapping in his pants and was pretty hard on him with time outs and whatnot. It came to a breaking point when we were running the marathon and he was with the ILs. I guess he had a poop accident and just FREAKED when they tried to change him. I wasn't there to experience it, but it sounds like it was awful for everyone involved. Crying, screaming, you name it.
So, after talking to MIL about the episode, we had a little family meeting and decided that Pax just isn't ready. That we were going to lay off completely, not get mad when he pooped in his pullup, and his only job was to tell us if he needs changing so he won't get rashy on his bum. This seemed to help for a few days, he seemed less stressed and was able to enjoy the rest of his vacation.
Once we got home, you could tell he was using it to his advantage. He would sit in the middle of the room and crap in his diaper defiantly. I think we've still done a pretty good job not getting upset though, just changing him and moving on. We still encourage him to use the potty, but without pressure and he only does so on his own terms (such a power struggle!). It's been annoying, but fine.
Today it got even worse. My gym has a program where you can drop the kids off at the child-care and leave for a few hours to run errands or whatever. I rarely take advantage, but felt like treating myself today, so I dropped them off and went shopping. BUT...when I returned, they immediately pulled me aside and started talking in hushed voices. I guess Pax had a wet diaper and when they tried to change him he flipped out. Mind you, he and I talked about it before I left and I reminded him that they may have to change his diaper if he got it wet or dirty and that he needed to let them so he wouldn't get a sore butt. But I guess it was a colossal battle. The daycare workers' eyes were huge as they told me how strong he was and how hard he fought. He kicked, screamed, started scratching his own skin, grabbed her by the THROAT... She had to get help and two of them had to hold him down so he wouldn't hurt them or him. They were just in awe at how strong he was and how ballistic he went.
I'm so sad, I feel like we broke him. He's obviously embarrassed to still be having potty issues, but he's refusing to cooperate. What the heck do we do???