Worst Mommy of the Year

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Joined: 06/09/06
Posts: 3264
Worst Mommy of the Year

I think I win this year. Sad It's the hottest day of the year so far (supposed to get up to 100 Smile and we went to a splashgarden kind of place so the kids could cool off. Brian and Micah were sitting on the ground in the shade looking very cute, so we start taking some pics. Noelle came up so we decided to get her in on the fun. Had her sit between the two boys and she randomly just reached over to Micah and pushed him over, making him hit his head on the stone they were all sitting on. Sad I was just furious - we've told Noelle over and over that she has to be gentle and that babies are fragile, etc., but she keeps doing these deliberately cruel things to them. I don't give her warnings for it anymore - she gets disciplined immediately when she's rough with them. I told her to go sit on the bench that was a few feet away and started to tend to Micah. Unfortunately, I didn't notice that the bench was a dark granite in the hot sun and it was really, really hot. Sad

She's fine - didn't even really get that red - but I still feel terrible. A random lady watching the whole thing made a rude comment to me about how hot the bench was when I went over there to see just how hot it was after we calmed Noelle and Micah down. She was like, 'That bench is REALLY hot' and totally glared at me. Great, lady, where were you and your big mouth when you saw my daughter about to sit right next to you? (her part of the bench was in the shade)

Anyway, I am just baffled by her behavior towards her brothers. She does like to play with them and does seem to care about them. But it's not like she just gets carried away and accidentally hurts them - this is intentional and deliberate and I really can't leave her alone with them. I'm not sure if it's a jealousy issue or what, but this really has to stop. Like I said, she doesn't get warnings anymore. Any mean behavior is disciplined immediately. Any ideas?

Joey'sHoney's picture
Joined: 06/11/07
Posts: 820

We have the same issue. The boys can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies. Tyler will intentionally push him or hurt him. The other day he actually tried to drown him. Yes, he had him in a headlock and was about to hold him under water. I felt terrible.

I have no suggestions. We're terrible at discipline right now. He gets away with so much. I'm fearful that any negative attention will be taken as attention and he'll still do it.

I wish you the best of luck. For me it's just murder watch when I'm with the kids. I have to make sure that they don't kill themselves or each other. I could only imagine adding another little one.

And don't feel terrible. If it was really too hot, then Noelle wouldn't have sat on it.

isisgoddess_1's picture
Joined: 03/29/08
Posts: 1220

Oh Ruth You aer not a bad mother at all. You were handling the situation they best way you could at the time. I would have done the same thing. Where caring for a hurt infant it is easy to overlook things like that. As far as the situation with Noelle, I am not sure. I would be doing what you already are so I am not much help. Hopefully someone is of more help too you. :HUGS:

Jumarse's picture
Joined: 02/27/07
Posts: 5219

Sorry sister, you aren't even in the running for Worst Mother of the Year! First off, people can be such jackholes about their little "helpful" comments. That would have gotten a snide face and sarcastic "Thank you SO much for your concern" out of me, please, Noelle was fine, like Kat said she wouldn't have sat down if the seat was too hot. Second, IMHO you are doing exactly what I'd think is the best thing to try and stop the behavior. We are going thru something pretty similar here, except when Colby hurts Daphne, it's accidental in the sense that he way too "high energy" around her. But I'm doing the same as you, no chances, immediate punishment. The issue here is, Colby could really care less about ANY punishment, it's not lessened his behaviors at all. All I can say is repeating what I've heard a million times...it's all about consistency with children. I also say a million times a day that he's got to be gentle around her, don't be so rough, etc, etc, etc. Unfortunately he'll still run screaming past when she's in the jumperoo, bat hard at one of the things hanging down that then smacks her in the face and keep on running. Or when she's on the floor he'll roll around wildly around her and usually end up kicking her with his flailing legs. So sometimes I'm pretty sure he knows what the result of his behavior is going to be, so that it could be purposeful, but other times he's just as rowdy and ridiculous even when she's on the other side of the room. I guess my point is all I know to do is be consistent with bad behavior = punishment every time. And hopefully at some point something will deter them.

So sorry not much help at all, but you aren't alone in the frustration!

Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1626

Definitely exactly what I would have done. Don't feel bad. That lady should learn to shut her pie hole. I think your approach to discipline right away is best. I wish I had an answer though. I don't really...

our situation is slightly different. Violet's quite good with Fiona. It's the other way around that is driving me bonkers lately. Fiona does everything in her power to pinch Violet. Steal her toy. Tug her shirt. Pull her hair. Push her or hit her. She squeals and Violet falls apart like the world is ending. Though often times she is hurt. Luckily, she's good at getting away fast now.

Sibling love can be so violent. Blum 3 I hope Noelle perks up and realizes it's all going to be okay and she doesn't need to take out her frustrations on her baby brothers.

toothy35's picture
Joined: 02/20/06
Posts: 4578

(((((HUGS RUTH)))))) so not the worst mom ...........i would have done the same thing.......your disciplining is what goes on over here.....i have no suggestions, it's just a constant wrestling match over here........jack is learning at a very young age, to fend for himself........and how awful of that lady to comment when she just sat there and watched noelle sit on a hot bench......what a douche!!!!!!!

StateChick's picture
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 3629

I don't really have any advice, Ruth, but you definitely are not in the bad mommy running!

I'm with Jordan, it is usually Ella aggravating Cadence, not the other way around. BUT, just yesterday C pinched E in the car and to my knowledge, it is the first time C had ever pinched anybody (and I think she learned it from E, who pinches everybody...even herself sometimes :rolleyes:) - ANYWAY, I think Cadence saw how much it upset Ella and then it upset HER and I immediately told her it was wrong, but we were in the car and I wasn't going to "pull the car over" or anything, ya know?

But I know you had asked before a long time ago about empathy and said that Noelle had none Smile - that is my strategy with Cadence...because she really doesn't want to hurt anybody. ELLA...different story. She has no concept of hurting somebody.

I agree with the pps that Noelle would have protested if the bench had been tooooooo hot!

And I guess the girls are too busy aggravating each other to worry about Wade. Smile

EmilyC3's picture
Joined: 10/27/07
Posts: 1170

You are FAR from the worst mom of the year! The bench may have been hot, but like others have said, if it was actually burning her I do not think that she would just sit there. We have all kinds of sibling rivalry going on here....Gweny hitting Bradley and JD, Bradley bossing Gweny around.... so I have no advice in that department.

DitherDither's picture
Joined: 04/16/09
Posts: 152

We are dealing with the exact same thing in the sibling department....it drives me crazy! Since JB is a bit older, it comes from both angles. She provokes him, he hits her. Sometimes he just hits her if she gets too close to his toys. He also says mean things to her like, "JB, if you come over here, I'm gonna knock you down!" (He also mimics what we say when he is mad at her....which is hilarious. One day in the grocery she was acting up and he says, "JB, I DON'T like your attitude right now!"

I think you are doing all that you can....and doing much better than I do in the discipline department! Some days the fighting gets so old, and the punishments often seem meaningless to him, that I just give up... Right now we're trying taking toys away, and he can't get them back until he's played nicely with her for a bit. It seems to work sometimes, other times not.

One thing that I do try to do is praise him when he is playing nicely with her. I tell him how happy it makes me, and point out how happy JB is and how much she enjoys playing with him. Honestly, though, I'm not sure how much of this gets across to him, because I swear he ignores 75% of what I say. (We're working on this also.....lol) Three-year-olds are like teenagers -- they don't listen at all, even if you are praising them!

So, I think you are doing just the right things. This is definitely a trying age!

tybaysmom's picture
Joined: 04/08/07
Posts: 483

You are so not the worst mom of the year!

Sibling rivalry sucks...we have it here big time. It puts me in a foul mood everyday.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Don't beat yourself up, Ruth. I can't imagine what I'd have done differently. Rude people have a way of making you doubt yourself. A hot tush is not going to kill Noelle. I don't have advice on the rivalry (I remember Max biting Theo when he was an infant, so it is not like we don't have any of that going on)...just agree with the others that it sounds pretty normal. Sending you :bigarmhug: for it, though...

Allie01979's picture
Joined: 10/10/07
Posts: 4706

nope,the worst mother of the year would allow her child to repeatedly hurt her siblings and not punish her, so she would never learn. I would have done the same thing. and like Jordan said, that lady should shut her pie hole.

Aidan is still really good with William, but he's not mobile and trying to get his toys yet, I'm still able to set William down and tend to Aidan's needs, we'll see how it goes when he get's older and more demanding of my time.

:bighug: I think everyone here would have done the same thing, it's not like you knew it was hot and told her to go walk on coals or something. You're a good mama

SPCN319's picture
Joined: 06/14/06
Posts: 2118

You are an amazing mama! Discipline is an important part of being a mom, and you're doing everything you should for all your kids. The fact that the bench was hot was nothing more than an accident. :openarms: Sibling rivalry is a b!tch. Sad