Date Nights?

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KET_2010's picture
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 08/13/11
Posts: 1737
Date Nights?

Do any of you ladies still do date nights or anything like it?

My DH and I have been together almost 3 1/2 years, married almost 2. In all that time we seriously have only had THREE date nights. (I don't count the times we hung out at his mom's house when I cut college classes to spend time with him).

He and I were talking about it because we wanted to do a date night when visiting family over Christmas but since we brought a bad sickness with us (lol) the first week we were there kinda went down the drain with everyone getting sick (DD1 gave it to us, who gave it to my younger brother, then older brother's fiancee, then older brother, then dad, then a day!) Anyway, we had our first official date a week or so before he left for boot camp (we were dating over a year already!!) and second after he got back from boot camp and the 3rd was the Marine Corps ball (if that counts).

My thing's my fault we don't go out! I get too uptight leaving the kids with anyone! Even family! We will be out for maybe an hour when I begin to worry! I dunno what it is. When DD1 was younger and before I met DH, after DD1 was asleep I would sometimes go out to the movies or hang out with the guy I was dating (this guy I dated off and on for 2 years so it wasn't like a "guy of the moment" thing). I worried some, but not as bad as I do now.

Nothing traumatic has happened in that time. It's not that I don't think the person watching the kids would allow them to fight or favor one over the other. I just worry that something is going to happen to them.

Am I the only one like this? DH is a little upset because we were talking about our friends going out for their 2 year anniversary tonight (they have a 4-5 month old son) and how he said we're probably never going to go out again or any time soon because of how I am. Although part of him being upset could be because he's mad at a character in a movie we just watched (LOL) (the dad in Orphan, if anyone has seen it).

But have any of you felt this way before? And if so, do you still? How do you get past it?
At the ball, we were gone 5 hours and I wondered the whole time about the kids! I had fun but couldn't fully relax!!!

fittoac's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 05/05/08
Posts: 383

I think I may be the exact opposite of you in that respect! I feel like I'm such a better mom for the times I get AWAY from DD. It does us both good, really... as a SAHM whose husband is home about 2 days/week, I start to get a little nutty if I can't catch a break and get away. My MIL watches my daughter a lot and it's so good for both of us-- I think my daughter honestly gets sick of me! Haha! We might be at a point where I'm frustrated/stressed and she is too, we go our separate ways for a few hours (sometimes overnight) and we're all happy to see each other afterward. So yes... DH and I do have the occasional date night (maybe once every 3 months or so), but I go out with friends once or twice a month or take a little weekend trip (maybe once every 5-6 months) without her, so we definitely get our "alone" time.

As for how I got past the anxiety of leaving her.... I started doing this when she was a baby, so it's been a while, but I do remember it being hard in the beginning. I took a weekend beach trip with 2 girlfriends when she was like 4 months old (she stayed home with DH) and it was really hard for me to enjoy it. I couldn't stop thinking about her and called home constantly. Of course, she was fine and dandy without me! Haha. I think the more times I'd leave her for a night out, the easier it got. Now I can't imagine NOT getting out without her-- it recharges me and DD loves the change of pace of getting time at her Nana's house. Something different for all of us, you know? Anyway, I guess my only advice is that you just have to do it. And then do it again.... don't wait a year for the second attempt. The more times you get out, the less stressful it'll be. Sounds like your husband will thank you for it and I'm sure your kids will be in perfectly capable hands! Smile

fittoac's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 05/05/08
Posts: 383

This got double-posted somehow.. Deleted!

MrsRiggert's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 11/21/07
Posts: 2195

I'm right there with you! I have a hard time leaving my kids with others and I think it's because I'm a working mom. I feel like I don't get any time with the kids the way it is. That being said....we do try to have date night AT LEAST twice a year (not nearly enough but it's something) and one of those is always our anniversary. It's hard to find someone you trust to watch your kids. We have a couple friends who we trade with for baby sitting (ie we watch their kids and they watch ours) and since I coach cheerleading I know a couple high school girls that I trust to watch the kids as well. You just have to take that leap and have someone watch the kids. I would start slow (just dinner) and work your way up to dinner and a movie.

Dixiemom1st's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 09/07/07
Posts: 620

I do not have too much trouble leaving the kids, when they are really young I only trust my Mom but as they get older we will get a babysitter. I think it's easier the more you do it. I also know that it's really important for our marriage to get away together. We have only left the kids once over night and this February we will do it for the second time. Only one night but it will be good to get away. Especially becuase I will be BFing so this LO will go with us everywhere for at least 6 mths , then I will introduce a bottle. We have had a few more date night but not too many. Always our birthdays and anniversary then a few more through out the year.

ShylahEQ's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 12/08/07
Posts: 1003

I'm just now getting to the point where I'm able to let my LO hang out with someone else while we have some alone time. We've had tons of dates, but we just took off work and did it during the day. LOL

AnnaRO's picture
Last seen: 5 months 5 days ago
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

You are not alone. I don't trust strangers (babysitter) to properly watch my DD. My SIL is insane and wouldn't listen to a word I say about DD's care, so she's not an option. (She gave her grandson Benedryl at 10 months old after his mom specifically told her not to give him any meds) She thinks she knows better than everyone else. My family lives 6 hours away and my IL's live an hour away. I might let me IL's watch her but they are in poor health and have a tendency to fall or faint. They are older, so I worry that something would happen to one of them and then nobody would be able to care for DD. They don't watch her closely enough anyway. MIL just sat there one time and said there was nothing she could get into and the next thing I know, she's got a pair of scissors in her hands. And all of MIL's cleaners and detergents on sitting on the floor and she just lets DD run around in that room thinking she can't open them.

I don't have any friends in town and I am not willing to let a strange teenage kid watch my kids. I'm horribly paranoid. All that being said, I do take her to a Mother's Day Out at church on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a few hours. I schedule all my OB appointments during this time.

So to answer the original question, no, DH and I don't do date night. Ever. We probably should find a way, but neither of us likes leaving DD. We do get alone time in the evenings after DD is asleep. And honestly we never did date night even before DD was born. We've been together for 10years and married for 4.5years.

mommyof1.5's picture
Last seen: 4 years 17 hours ago
Joined: 08/06/07
Posts: 897

I think it's a personal thing, how your LO does with others, how much you trust another person to do what you ask with your impressionable little angel... For me, I only had 2 people I would EVER leave my girls with, until my ex-husband and I separated, and I had no choice but to be without them on scheduled visit days, including regular overnight weekends. They will still only be overnight without me at their grandma's house or with their father for a while at the ages of 4 & 5. I do pick my trusted people carefully, and no matter how good a friend or close a relative, there are still people I wouldn't leave to watch the girls for extended periods of time, just because they don't naturally discipline or show love in the way I want from an authority figure.

Last seen: 3 years 6 days ago
Joined: 06/03/07
Posts: 623

We don't do scheduled date nights because we don't have a babysitter lined up and we don't have family nearby. Plus, we are both full-time working parents, so we enjoy spending time with our LO because we don't see her much during the week. We still would rather be with her than without! However, when either set of grandparents or close family visits, we go out by ourselves. It's fun and everyone is happy. My ILs might move nearby. If they do, I'm sure we'll be dropping off the kids and going out more!

That said, I do things by myself plenty of times. I got out with friends and I travel for work several times a year. I will be going away on a weekend trip to Santa Fe with some girlfriends in a couple weeks and I cannot wait for that, lol. DH watches DD when I do that kind of thing. I know I need my own life and need my time away to pursue my interests (as does DH) to be the best parent I can be. This is just for myself - I definitely don't think others need to do that if they don't feel the same way. I didn't become a mom until late in life (38 ) and late into my marriage (13 years into our marriage), so "mom" is still a new label for me Smile

PsycheGal's picture
Last seen: 2 years 12 months ago
Joined: 12/07/08
Posts: 768

Date nights???? What's that? LOL

DH and I have been together for 8 years now, we have gone out alone about 5 times and only one of those times was an overnight last year.

(Oh.. and I must have called the house 30 times to check and make sure everything was fine. I am a total freak)

My mom is the SOLE person we trust to watch the kids, but if it's to "go out" she will flat out refuse. The times we did get to go alone she gave us such a hard time after it just wasn't worth it.

My kids do have severe food allergies, so we would have to prepare all food for them before going anywhere and we would have to know FOR SURE that the person will NOT take their eyes off the children at all, and we would have to know for sure that they would not make a mistake and feed the kids something that could kill them. My mom is pretty much the only person that is so psychotic about everything that we feel pretty safe about it.

I would definitely trust my BFF Amanda to watch them for an afternoon or something, she may however call me every five minutes to make sure they can eat this or that hahaha but that is way better than not checking but she lives pretty far so I haven't asked her to do it, especially since I hardly get to see her as it is.

However, DH and I both work from home, we both go to school full time (do as many online courses as we are able to) so we are all together 24/7 and the kids are home-schooled so there is no lack of family time LOL This does seem to work well for our family, we never have conflict even though it's supposed to be the opposite! Go figure! At this point I feel we're like a well oiled machine that just keeps chugging along, although I'm sure as the kids get older things will get quite crazy around here! I am hoping by the time the kids are 10-12 and can look out for themselves better we will be more comfortable going out for the afternoon and leaving them with one of my brothers or something, but until then I think we'll stick to the current situation.

So no, you are not nuts, it is totally normal to not be super trusting, especially with all the crazy headlines!!!

Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/06/11
Posts: 360

We are somewhere in the middle... we don't do date nights, but we do leave our little ones with babysitters. One year my partner had army every Wednesday night and I had soccer, so for 2 hours we had a babysitter. It was nice to have both our nights our on the same night because we could then be together the other nights. We have gone out without the kids only a couple times for dinner because we like to include them in our birthday etc celebrations! On the flip side, we have never had her sleep without at least one of us. While my partner was gone with the army for 7 months, she was with me, and sometimes he will take her to his mum's for a weekend so then she is just with him. It is funny because our house is the house where all our friend's kids come for their first sleepovers!! We have had many a night answering the phone reassuring parents that their child is happy and asleep!


jolly11sd's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

I dream of a date night! Acutally I dream of a weekend get away kid free! That hasn't happened in a few years since we moved far away from family. We did get a night away here and there when DS1 was 10months - 2 years old and lived in the same town with my IL's who I totally trust. Now since having DS2 I can only think of 2 times that we have left him/them with a close friend and had a quick solo dinner. Its not so much leaving them but DS2 is still nursing so anything that runs into nap or bedtime is pretty impossilbe as he demands the boob or at least DH to go to sleep. And we lack babysitters that are older than early teen years and the few adults I trust also have their own young kids to tend so that makes it hard to find times they are available. Once #3 comes it will be a while before we get out again so I'd love to at least plan a dinner and movie night in the next 2 months or so.

Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 01/16/07
Posts: 951

not very often (esp just the two of us) watch ds during the day when we're at work and I know they'd watch for date night but I feel bad if they have to watch him for full day/night.

I should do on a sat/sun I know but they're with him m-f alone so feel bad
(yup all my fault and my feelings)