FINALLY! Half way there!

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PsycheGal's picture
Joined: 12/07/08
Posts: 768
FINALLY! Half way there!

Finally I'm half way there today! Sorry I held the board back LOL

Had one MW appointment last week. Baby sounded really good. Moves around A LOT and kicks can finally be felt from the outside occasionally Smile My fundal height evened out to 20 weeks at 19 weeks!!!! I am happy about that, although I'd love twins (as was suspected by many because of the 4-6 week size difference in fundal height at my previous appointments) I wouldn't have been allowed to deliver at home -- so glad it's just one little bean and that the midwife was right -- she told me, you will probably even out by 20 weeks LOL And I did!! YAY

Sorry I have been MIA. We have had several SEVERE problems with DH's family. They are very dramatic people and although I won't go into detail because it's just not worth it, lets just say it's been one of my most terrible months ever. My poor husband is so embarrassed and ashamed of his family Sad and after what we just experienced I totally understand why.

It got to the point where we finally decided to completely cut his mother out of our lives, not something a person can do lightly! It was THAT BAD, but this time his mom crossed a line that is unforgivable and damaging to my children and my family- so that is the end of that. (His parents have been divorced since he was 3 and married to other people) - The sad part is that we have problems with his Dad too, although they are not drastic (His dad is a firm believer that children should have no rules at all -- they should be allowed to play outside alone with no supervision, and no child should ever have to hold the hand of an adult and so on, they are from the country though, were there is nothing around for miles so I can see why they don't understand the safety precautions parents must take in populated areas -- My girls are now 4 and 6, they have been yelling at us for having these specific safety rules since the kids could walk and it's actually been this horrid argument and it's all they ever talk/yell/complain about).

The whole things is just bizarre and frustrating! So yes, I've been kind of off the board other than to check in because I didn't want to take over the board with my crazy drama because I probably would have written a book-long post.

Well, hopefully the drama will stop now and I'll be able to focus on the joy of the holidays, not to mention the joy of this pregnancy and that of my beautiful children.


KET_2010's picture
Joined: 08/13/11
Posts: 1737

Yay for getting halfway there!!

Sorry that you've had a bad month. Honestly, I understand how hard it is cutting out family (okay, harder for DH than me ha!)

My in laws are crazy, controlling, two faced, etc etc etc. They were horrible every time DH was gone. For example, when he joined the Marines and went to boot camp, EVERY DAY his brother would tell me that as soon as DH deployed he would cheat because I would never know and he "might die the next day so he will want to get laid". If anyone knew DH you would know he is not like most guys and in a situation like that, sex is the last thing on his mind, and actually has only slept with 2 people in his life (me being the 2nd one ha!). He is one who won't have sex unless in a serious relationship. Anyway then his mom told me DH will always have feelings for his ex (he hates her with a fiery passion of 1000 suns lol). And his sisters would tell me I needed to control him to do what they wanted and that I destroyed his family and stole him from them and trapped him by getting pregnant with DD2. They kept saying DD2 looked nothing like me and resembled his sister and had qualities of his half sister and always said "Oh she's such an Abel" (their last name...he has his dad's last name, all his siblings have his mom's). They even talked about me in front of me like I wasn't there! Oh the list goes on and on. But when he'd confront them with their emails and Facebook....yes Facebook....posts they would deny it. His mom actually went around spreading a bunch of rumors about me (so childish...and she's almost 60!) So eventually we cut them out because they stressed me out so much that I actually lost about 10 lbs in like 2-3 months. He said just by looking at me he could see a huge difference in how I was. PLUS they told me numerous times there was something medically wrong with our kids! UGH! They actually dunno I'm pregnant now.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the post. They just really get to me...and they STILL try to contact me.

But I say try not to sweat it if it's for the better. In our case it was because we couldn't handle them being like that when he needed to focus on deployments and me needing to make sure I wasn't stressed during pregnancy (or any other time). Maybe this cut off will make them rethink how they've been treating you and will change! Hey you can wish right?

Whenever you need to rant, we're all here for you! Rant away!

ShylahEQ's picture
Joined: 12/08/07
Posts: 1003

I have a crazy MIL that I wish we could disown. Feel your pain Sad

Grats on making it to the halfway point!

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Yay for hitting 1/2 way! So sorry about the family drama. Hope hope the rest of the month is issue free and you can enjoy your kids and the holidays. No fun dealing with crazy inlaws.

mommyof1.5's picture
Joined: 08/06/07
Posts: 897

Sad That sounds like WAY too much unneeded stress, ESPECIALLY during pregnancy! People need to realize that unless a child is actually being harmed, they shouldn't be butting in with parental advice. Everyone is entitled to their opinion of what THEY would do for THEIR OWN children, but when this kind of drama starts in families, and people think they have some say in everything, it gets SO annoying, and everyone ends up defending themselves, or getting the heck out of dodge! (I prefer the second option, too). Glad to know baby looks healthy! Hopefully you have less outside stressful drama, so you can focus on the important stuff!

youngmom08's picture
Joined: 06/23/11
Posts: 509

Yay for hitting the half-way point! I can definitely understand where you're coming from with the in-law issues. I choose not to deal with my MIL very often for many reasons.

PsycheGal's picture
Joined: 12/07/08
Posts: 768

Thanks for the support ladies! Here is a little bit of what happened, although it's been six years of telephone hell LOL

Amanda! That was exactly my point to my FIL and MIL (Remember, they are divorced) and I specifically told her that unless they saw abuse/neglect they really need to mind their own business. So she came for a visit (she was in my house a total of 19 hours in 3 days) and this was her 2nd visit ever with my children (So she's only seen the kids twice in her life, once in 2007 for 2 days when my youngest was born, and now, and has only met me in person 3 times). After what we all thought was a great visit we got this horrid email from her where she stated she called my DH's father (after not talking to him for about 15 years) because:

1) The bathtub was *supposedly* bone dry -- (My kids, myself, and my mother all used that bathtub the day they got here LOL! Not to mention showers all three days they were here (although she stayed at a hotel and was only over a few hours a day) and to top it off I have pictures of my kids waiting for her, they are visibly very clean and well groomed!

2) My kids were pale and tired -- ( My kids were up at the crack of dawn waiting for her to get here so they were tired, but they are not pale, we are Caucasian and sadly for us our skin tone is VERY WHITE and she insists that I am "Hispanic" so I should be brown. I am a Caucasian woman of Spaniard decent. Sorry, but Spanish people come in all shapes, colors and sizes too! We CANNOT TAN! I wish I COULD! She is a nut case).

3) There is writing all over my walls supposedly indicative of child neglect -- although we are accused of not letting the children breathe because they yell at us for making sure the kids are always under adult supervision LOL So she is contradicting herself. There really is a lot of writing on my walls. We are a home-school family which means my children are in my house 24 hours a day (unless we go to the park,store, whatever in general) and we have NOT painted in like 3 years LOL! There are school supplies pretty much available all over the house because we do lessons and crafts in different rooms, it's very easy for a kid to run with a crayon and spread their artistic talents throughout the years. So it's all very old because they pretty much outgrew drawing on the walls already. The only neglect going on here is that I didn't feel like spending the money to re-paint my house before she came! On the other hand, we visit with lots of friends and family with young children and the writing on the walls thing seems to be a regular event LOL No one else seems to care!

3) There was some cracker crumbs in my youngest daughters hair. Um, hello? She is 4 and you were feeding her snacks in her room. A normal grandmother would have simply washed her fraken hair or brushed it out, or even just let me know. (We were letting them have quality time so I didn't actually see anything). Nope, instead she tells me she took pictures of the cracker in her hair as proof!

So I spent 3 days catering to the devil. LOL I mean, I don't know what else to call it. And to think I stood in the kitchen most of those three days preparing her special foods (because she has a restricted diet) so she would feel at home.

Of course, we are not the first family she has accused of child abuse or neglect. She accused her brother's daughter of child neglect claiming the children were not properly groomed or cleaned. After a visit with her cousins, she accused their family of child neglect because of improper grooming, cleaning, and maintenance of the children in general, and about six months ago she accused her best friend of abusing her children (they had been friends for years, she called the children her grandchildren) but the woman divorced and moved in with her for a few months and supposedly she too did not properly clean or groom her children and somehow indirectly abused them (not physically), and of course, they are no longer friends.

The woman has been estranged from her family for many years because she is apparently bonkers. To top it off, she abandoned her children many years ago to move to another state (my husband included) for a man she met online (her current husband) and left the kids behind with her second husband whom she supposedly left due to his drug and alcohol problem -- so she left her little kids with a guy she thought was an alcoholic and drug abuser LOL

She did terrible things to my husband during his childhood. She was NOT a mom by any means of the word and now she thinks she's fraken mother Teresa. Okay wow, so much for not over sharing, but that's it, it was the last straw. I was fine with her constantly insulting me personally (1st time we met she said I was dressed like a "person that sells themselves". My husband also shared with me that she suggested that one of my brothers should be "watched" because there was a picture of him with my oldest on facebook where she was sitting on his lap (at the age of 3) and she thought it was not appropriate for a man to be holding a little girl on his lap and that she found it scary! I guess my DH knew better than to tell me about that before, because going there is just NOT KOSHER in any way, shape, or form and that I would have blown a gasket had I ever heard such a suggestion about my brother - Can you imagine?

She HATES me and my family.

Therefore she does not need to ever be a part of it.

Okay, I have to go get my little monsters to bed. I'll be back later. Sorry about the blow up but really, feels good to say SOMETHING to someone cause I've about had it!

KET_2010's picture
Joined: 08/13/11
Posts: 1737

You know, reading this, I sort of wonder if she and my MIL are distant relatives! Lol!

DH's "mom" (she was never really a mom to him either...she told him if he wanted running water he had to pay the 15! But she paid her older kids' bills), anyway, she met a guy online and moved to be with him. She used him for his money and eventually he kicked her out ha ha! And she also accused me of not bathing my kids enough! Because when DD2 was an infant, I had always heard not to bathe them often because it could dry out their skin so I bathed her once maybe twice a week (I always cleaned her face real well though after eating) and she and DH's whole family freaked out and she made a huge deal about it on Facebook. I held my tongue for that one but then when she accused me of "getting married in secret and her finding out from FB" I couldn't take it (we told her when we were getting married and she called afterwards to congratulate us). Ugh frustrating lady!

But as odd as this may sound, I sort of like reading stories of crazy MILs to let me know I'm not alone LOL!

Also, she took a picture of your daughter's hair?! Seriously? What is wrong with her? Lol. The logical thing to do is brush it out. My kids get stuff in their hair all the time...that's what happens with long hair! Lol. I also think the writing on the wall is funny. How is that neglect? Just a few weeks ago I looked away from DD2 and next think I know she's making the walls purple! Lol. I used a bleach wipe to get it off because we're in military housing but still. My little brother did it when he was in diapers...heck he walked up the stairs doing it and would climb out of bed to do it in his room at night lol!

I wish in laws would just let us raise our kids the way we feel is appropriate.

Sorry you're going through that and hopefully you can be stress free esp around the holidays.

PsycheGal's picture
Joined: 12/07/08
Posts: 768

LOL KET - I see what you mean, sounds like they could be related!

You know, you were absolutely right about not bathing the baby more than once or twice a week. When my first was born I was told absolutely no bath until the cord was totally dry and fell off and to avoid over bathing so unless baby puked all over herself I was not to go nuts on that either - so I did pretty much sponge bath type thing till the cord fell off, and then was once or twice a week as well. My mom was a total lotion and bathing freak though, and I had to have the pediatrician tell her to please stop bathing the kids in lotion LOL I mean you could smell them a mile away! Of course, my mom is a very active grandparent, and crazy in her own way but OH BOY She was ANGRY too because mom lives with us and no one is cleaner than my mom! You could eat off of my bathtub lol

We never punished our kids for writing on the wall. We did however re-direct them to their chalkboard and later dry erase boards and explained over and over again that walls are not for drawing on until they finally got the point. It's not like it can hurt them or anyone else! It is also NOT DIRT. I did paint over the mess three years ago, and when it just got written on again I said "FORGET IT" I'm just not doing it again till they outgrow it and this year with my dad's illness and death we just did NOT get to it, it was not even on my radar.

We did re-paint their room and playroom though, and that looks great now. They are allowed to draw on THEIR DOOR because it is THEIRS, but they don't do that now either lol -

I thought the whole "taking a picture of her hair" thing was disgusting. I wrote her a final email and asked her what kind of human being would get a child dirty and then take pictures of them to try and accuse their parents of neglect. I mean seriously, that had to be on purpose! I even made sure to forward my "reply" of the accusations to my father in law. He also lives far away but can you imagine getting a call from someone telling you your grandchildren are being neglected? Since my DH's father and his wife visit once every couple of years also, they would have no clue. I'm sure that was nerve wrecking for them too.

I don't understand why people do such things. Do they not realize how much false accusations like that can hurt a family? Not just psychologically, but it can have serious legal consequences as well. She also told my kids that homeschool is bad and that they should ask to go to real school so they can play with kids their own age. As if they are caged in a dungeon or something! My oldest was crying because of it, she loves homeschooling and currently has no interest in public school! She has friends and play dates and my kids are extremely well socialized. It was NOT her place to do that.

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