How do you Decline Going to a Baby Shower?

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KET_2010's picture
Last seen: 2 years 6 months ago
Joined: 08/13/11
Posts: 1737
How do you Decline Going to a Baby Shower?

Okay here is the DH and his company got back from deployment in June. We got pregnant in July. Apparently so did like 5-6 other wives (LOL) and everyone is due around the same time. Well there was one wife who got pregnant before the deployment (it was only a 3 month non combat one) and she had her little girl just before Christmas. Well we went to her baby shower because one of our couple friends felt obligated to go since they said they would but they didn't really want to go (esp her DH because he hates most people he works with lol). Anyway so we were invited but really didn't want to go but went ahead and agreed just to make an appearance. We stayed about an hour, the kids entertained everyone (ha ha) and then we left after about an hour. I felt bad because we didn't even have a gift for them but DH said it was fine because the one girl's DH owed him anyway.

SOOO now it's the season of all the baby showers for all the pregnant people lol. DH and I agreed we really didn't want a baby shower because this is our 3rd (even though it's a boy this time) and we pretty much have everything. And I don't want to say "Well you can give us diapers" because I know how expensive diapers can be AND I know all those people are hurting on money (they struggle living pay check to pay check because most of the DHs blow money on excessive alcohol and cigarettes and the wives blow it on expensive "top of the line" baby stuff) (and don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with it, but IMO you need to be able to afford it!)

Well this baby shower we were invited to on the 25th is a double baby shower. For two different girls (one who I don't even know and the other I maybe have exchanged a few words with at the others baby shower). It's more so because DH knows them and he's friends with the host's DH because honestly, we don't even hang out with any of these people (except the one couple out of 7 couples)!!! The ones I'm guessing want mainly clothes (which is fine) and the others asked for just diapers and wipes because they have everything. I have no problem with it, and we can spare the money (which every one knows since DH's higher ups are always telling the company how we're the most stable and have a big savings account even though we have the most kids...grr to them lol).

DH does not want to go. He hates most social events (which is the main reason I think he doesn't want a baby shower lol) and I really am not a fan of a bunch of people. But I feel like I have to go since we went to the other baby shower and I kept getting not nice looks from those females (lol probably because of the one DH kept staring and very obviously checking out me and one of the other wives lol) and I was uncomfortable. Plus last time a lot of the husbands got drunk and we don't want our kids around that. (The one time DH hung out with these guys he had to babysit them because they went around getting wasted and trying to throw rocks at cars and wouldn't you know, as soon as he left to come home the cops got called on some of them for a fight!)

Another reason I feel like I have to go of the girls...the one who I've maybe talked to and know who she not very nice. Lol. She got mad at this one wife because of something stupid and spread to everyone that the wife stole her bra and was wearing it in front of her!!! Seriously! She went around spreading rumors and trying to get everyone to hate that wife (no idea why though!) and was just horrible to her. Supposedly she also only got pregnant because her friend was pregnant and wanted attention. I fear if I decline then she will pull something like that with me, and I don't know many people around here (although DH is very well liked among his company) and I don't want to feel like an outcast kind of thing.

Ugh I feel like it's high school all over again! Lol although how a lot of these wives act it really is lol. So, is there a way I can decline (without having to use my kids as a reason lol!) and not fear of these fun filled rumors being spread about me?

JBird3010's picture
Last seen: 4 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 01/21/11
Posts: 404

Say you have a Dr.'s appointment? If you dont know these ladies well then it's not like you will accidentally slip and forget you told them that you had an "appointment." My other option was to use your kids, lol. If it was me, I would say I have a Dr. appointment. Good luck!

Last seen: 3 years 1 month ago
Joined: 08/06/11
Posts: 360

I would just say you have something else planned for the day. We had a similar situation, and I just picked up a nice board book and gave that to the family the next time I saw them. It makes it seem more like you did want to attend and a book is way cheaper than diapers and every kid can use more books!!


mommyof1.5's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/06/07
Posts: 897

Personally - I would hand-deliver a Target gift card to the hostess for $10 or so, with a card saying you are sorry you cannot make it because you need to rest after a busy week, but you are happy for them... That's just what I would do. I would hate to be feeling so stuck, in a hostile military wives type situation. I had the best luck with the group of ladies I knew, and it saved me from going nuts in a miserable marriage in 2000 miles from family, in the middle of the Mojave.

AnnaRO's picture
Last seen: 3 months 1 week ago
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

If you don't really know them, I don't really think you need a reason. We don't go to a lot of events even if they are hosted by actual close friends and all we ever say is that we couldn't make it. Especially if you aren't planning to go to all of the other showers. Now, if you are planning on going to all the other showers that are coming up, then I'd say you should at least make an appearance.

fittoac's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 05/05/08
Posts: 383

I would just let the hosts know you have other plans that day and won't be able to make it, but thanks for the invite. No need for an elaborate excuse. If you feel like they'll ask you what you're doing, have something at the ready, but I'd keep it simple.

jolly11sd's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

I agree about just saying that you can't make it and then drop off a small gift if you feel like that will help the situation. Otherwise I'd just not go, but still send a small something, and if they press you about it tell the host or mom that you got sick that day.

Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/09/11
Posts: 269

You say, sorry, I'm not able to make it. Have a great time!

Smile Simple and sweet. Don't overthink it. Smile