I have been soooooo mentally frazzled lately! Too much going on..
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Thread: I have been soooooo mentally frazzled lately! Too much going on..

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    Posting Addict mommyof1.5's Avatar
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    Default I have been soooooo mentally frazzled lately! Too much going on..

    ...so I haven't posted about my appointments much in a while. Honestly, it's mostly because I've been disappointed about my options and facts that will dictate my decisions.

    At my appointment last Thursday, we discussed the results of my 32 week growth ultrasound. The u/s determined that baby was measuring about 3 weeks ahead (5.5 pounds at 32 weeks, and whatever the correlating length would be). At 34+1 weeks, they measured my uterus at 38cm, which is 4 weeks ahead. Baby's head is equally as large. UGH! What it boils down to is that this baby is going to be massive, and my chances of a natural birth are almost non-existent. If there is ANY possible chance, it would have to be at a much larger hospital, which is a minimum of 1-2 hour drive from here (depending on traffic), having to convince whatever hospital that I can try (after never having experience a real contraction to-date, even though I've been pregnant before)... Essentially, I have a delivery date scheduled for March 28th, which has me a little bit freaking out!! That's under 4 weeks away now!

    I also have this school term to finish, including a chemistry final on march 20, and my husband is supposed to go see his son (500 miles away) for Spring Break.. which is fun to figure out. It's looking like he'll be gone from the 22nd-26th and my ex-MIL will be staying with the girls and I for that time (and with the girls while DH and I are in the hospital).

    I have gotten my "nursery corner" of my bedroom figured out, and my ex-MIL got me a gilder/rocker/ottoman that came FedEx today (2 days after she ordered it, $1 shipping cost, HOLY COW FAST!)

    A few weeks ago, I went to the new Walmart in town, and almost fell on the slippery new concrete in the entry. I heard my back pop in several places. Since that near-fall, my tailbone and hips have felt like they're coming un-hinged and absolutely miserable. Aside from that, I've had the standard end of pregnancy misery. lol

    So... that's my long-winded update. I'm sure there's more. I've just been relatively overwhelmed, some disappointment at the prospect of another surgery, and it's just plain easier to respond to everyone else.
    Amanda


    bean #3 13.5 weeks 12/19/08


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    Prolific Poster daria's Avatar
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    Ugh, I'm sorry. I can commiserate with the shattered dream of a VBAC.

    Also, I'm sorry about the slip. Can you see a chiropractor and see if you can get some relief?


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    Your LO sounds like mine, so I understand completely what you mean.

    I hope things start looking up for you!
    Kelly Married my best friend Chris in 2008
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    Community Host AnnaRO's Avatar
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    Why would the possibility of a larger sized baby make you ineligible for a VBAC? Is that the policy of the hospital? I am attempting a VBAC and measuring way big, but my OB has never said anything at all about changing my birth plans. Those measurements are not always accurate and are a guesstimate at best. I recently had a friend have a successful, unmedicated VBAC with an 11lb baby, so it's not out of the realm of possibility. If it's what you really want you can fight for it. The decision, of course, is totally up to you.

    I think it's great that you have your ex-MIL to rely on to help with the kids, but I totally understand and empathize with complicated scheduling issues and being unable to plan for things due to some big unknowns. I've got a lot of stressful stuff going on right now myself. At the end of this though, it's all gotta work our one way or another. These babies are coming, and soon, whether we are ready or not!

    I hope you get everything figured out and it all goes smoothly. KUP. It's insane how close we all are to these babies being born!
    -Anna
    VBA2C blog





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    Posting Addict mommyof1.5's Avatar
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    I've gone through the whole charade with this place, even contacting a local nurse midwife that I know through a friend. I have been put off & verbally manipulated by the doctors at this office, to feel like I am not welcome to discuss whether or not I have that option. I investigated, and found out that a NMW that I know through a family friend would love to help me... but my insurance will not cover her services (That's $3000 cash I just don't have, sadly.. and no way of coming up with that amount of extra either). I do not know her well enough to negotiate beyond her normal terms.

    I called to speak to the hospital's patient advocate (I've volunteered in hospitals, had an ER nurse for a grandmother, etc, so I know some of the back-routes). Never heard of it before, but they were CONFUSED about what "patient advocate" means. SERIOUSLY!? Aren't all hospitals legally required to have one? The head administrator got back to me (AHAHAHA! I got people in trouble apparently), and told me that there is no standing policy for VBA2C in their facility ... contrary to what the doctors office (directly associated with the hospital) has been saying.

    At my next appointment, the doctors were acting like they had their tails between their legs and all apologetic, but then told me that this head admin is wrong, and that "it's out of our hands"... Samaritan does in fact have this no VBA2C policy. It is really off-putting that their communication is apparently lacking, and concerns me in how they handle other issues. Either that, or no one is willing to be the bad guy, which is even less professional.

    Furthermore, they called to leave me a voicemail (which is what prompted my call to the NMW & hospital admin) with the date of my scheduled surgery, before discussing ANYTHING with me in-office about it (leaving a bad taste in my mouth for them), and they're "not comfortable" with even letting labor progress if I show up in the ER @ 7cm. I've never had a TOL to fail, so what gives?

    That makes me wonder if they're this staunch about it, they have NO experience other than 100% textbook situations, and I'd end up with an emergency section anyway, because they would be freaking out. So.... that leaves me with the option to drive 1.5-2 hours (while in labor, since induction is out of the question, for me and for any hospital) to the nearest large hospital that wouldn't be a bunch of insurance-scared pansies, and let me labor. I've done PLENTY of research, that even their "fire & brimstone" discussion tactics in office aren't messing with... I just don't have the energy to tell them they're all just scared & acting on fear of insurance liability, which is irresponsible, when it comes to decision-making for their patients.

    I've considered just telling them I want their care for the pregnancy process, and just show up at another hospital and refuse surgery... I have considered driving all the way to Portland (with OHSU, my most-respected hospital in the state) without warning them... What it really comes down to for me, is that I have a LOT going on with school, my position with the school paper, stress of a new marriage, the list goes on. I was ready to put up a fight, but if my best options are really far from home and possibly during traffic... then throw in that my husband is scheduled to have his son for ALL of Spring Break, but baby is due right in this time frame... I feel like I've done all I can do.

    HAHA you can tell I'm a writer, by my mega-long explanations. There's just so much emotional pent-up drama that I am just done with. I kind of want to tell them all to kiss my butt & I'll bring the baby in to get a check-up after delivering at home. Given my circumstances, my research, my chances of uterine rupture are still well under 1%, but apparently they're *skerred.*... and I'm just annoyed.. lol

    Quote Originally Posted by AnnaRO View Post
    Why would the possibility of a larger sized baby make you ineligible for a VBAC? Is that the policy of the hospital? I am attempting a VBAC and measuring way big, but my OB has never said anything at all about changing my birth plans. Those measurements are not always accurate and are a guesstimate at best. I recently had a friend have a successful, unmedicated VBAC with an 11lb baby, so it's not out of the realm of possibility. If it's what you really want you can fight for it. The decision, of course, is totally up to you.

    I think it's great that you have your ex-MIL to rely on to help with the kids, but I totally understand and empathize with complicated scheduling issues and being unable to plan for things due to some big unknowns. I've got a lot of stressful stuff going on right now myself. At the end of this though, it's all gotta work our one way or another. These babies are coming, and soon, whether we are ready or not!

    I hope you get everything figured out and it all goes smoothly. KUP. It's insane how close we all are to these babies being born!

  6. #6
    Community Host AnnaRO's Avatar
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    Amanda that is astounding and ridiculous that you are being treated that way!! I think you should tell them that you will be making your own healthcare decisions and will not be bullied. You have the right to refuse surgery. I hate that you can't get a clear and consistent answer on even their VBAC policy. I think I would be completely willing to drive an hour to not have someone else's fear dictate my birth plan.

    Have you seen this? http://www.cesareanrates.com/ It's crazy!!

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    Posting Addict momW's Avatar
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    Do you really want to be bullied during your last month of pregnancy? They sounds like a bunch of a$$holes and not worthy of your hard earned money whether you are a VBA2C or not. It doesn't sound like you could in any way shape or form get a birth that even resembles the one you want, again VBA2C or not. I switched dr's at 30 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby (who also happened to be my VBAC attempt). I was so sick and tired of fighting and being lied to by my OB. I didn't get my VBAC with him but I am still to this day happy I made that switch. At the end of pregnancy is NOT the time you need to worry about other people and their comfort level, it's a time for you to enjoy yourself and the last few weeks with your LO all to yourself. They're making you crazy, invest that time in a drive to a friendly hospital and OB, I PROMISE YOU it will be SOOOOO worth it in the end. I am a VBA2C momma myself. You CAN do this but it is VERY VERY hard to do without support from your provider. If you tell someone they can't do something for long enough, they won't be able to. You'd never let someone put stipulations on your kids' abilities like these dr's are doing to you, it's not okay for them and it's not okay for you!!!

    Have you contacted your local ICAN chapter and talked to any of those girls?

    BTW, the rest of life has a way of working itself out, worry about you and baby and the rest will fall into place, it always does!

    ETA: I have a good friend that drove 2 hours to get her VBA3C from a very supportive provider. It made all the difference in the world to her to have had an amazing birth with an amazing provider.

    Another thing, u/s's this late in pregnancy are HIGHLY unreliable for size!!!
    Last edited by momW; 03-02-2012 at 12:11 AM.

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    Posting Addict mommyof1.5's Avatar
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    I am curious if any of you know - given the previous LGA diagnosis (large for gestational age) and maternal obesity (okay, I am overweight, but BMI is inaccurate for me, since I am very muscular) ... would it be better, if I want to be sneaky, and just tell them I won't be having surgery, and just show up at the hospital that I want and know allows VBA2Cs, or at 35 weeks, is it too late to begin the process of patient intake/etc? I guess I have just been too overwhelmed to put up a fight, and thinking about being stuck in a car in possible rush hour, while in labor... My body never went through TOL, even with my first, after over 24 hours of attempted induction with pitocin and cervadil (they pressured me into this at 38 weeks)... I have NEVER dilated even to a fingertip for labor.

    Loss mentioned..... I did have a miscarriage in December 2008 (missed miscarriage, they had to induce with a vaginal suppository), so my body did go through the "birth" process, although baby never developed past 8 weeks, so it wasn't exactly the same. Anyway... I'm wondering if that could possibly help my chances this time around?

    All I know is I am entirely sick of being yanked around, and most of it is because of sue-happy patients (I COULD have sued after my first c-section, because a nurse didn't clean my bandage adhesive for THREE days after it was removed, and I turned out being allergic to it. They hadn't even looked at it until time for discharge. :-\ Did I sue? no). Why can't they trust, when I have OBVIOUSLY done my research, and I can argue back with the best of them that my risk of uterine rupture is REALLY not that much higher than anyone else... Their response? "This is a CYA policy... meaning Cover Your @$$". They actually said that verbatim to me. :-\ I really just need someone to come stay with me, and beat the heck out of whatever provider wants to be a controlling jerk & act like they know everything there is to know... when they KNOW they are making decisions out of fear & such small odds. Ugh!
    Amanda


    bean #3 13.5 weeks 12/19/08


  9. #9
    Community Host AnnaRO's Avatar
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    It's never too late, Amanda. My VBAC is so important to me that I would absolutely do what you suggested. When you go into labor, go to the hospital you know allows VBA2C births. The hospital you are currently dealing with seems so completely fear and CYA based that I'd be afraid of what other crap they might pull. And the risk of VBA2C is NOT any greater than the risks of a 3rd c/s!! Seriously! Check with your local ICAN chapter and talk to some of them. If you want your VBA2C, you should be given the opportunity to do it, your way.
    -Anna
    VBA2C blog





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    Posting Addict momW's Avatar
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    Don't doubt yourself or your abilities. I labored with my first two, pushed for 3+ hours and couldn't budge em. Sometimes it really is a matter of circumstance and support. I had everything working against me in my first two labors. In my 2nd (my VBAC attempt) I let a dr bully me into an induction at 39 weeks for big baby and it was HORRIBLE! I couldn't budge that kid once I finally got fully dilated. Going in to that birth I never thought I would be in that situation, NEVER, I knew better but like I said before, the end of pregnancy is not the time you need to have to fight for yourself, it's incredibly hard even for a hard headed b!tch like me.

    What are the circumstances surrounding your first two births? Where you induced with your first because of big baby? Was number 2 a RCS? How big did your babies end up being and what was their gestation at birth? Just trying to get an idea of the circumstances surrounding it.

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