I'm Pregnant and engaged?! Whoa. New to the forum!

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Joined: 09/12/11
Posts: 3
I'm Pregnant and engaged?! Whoa. New to the forum!

So, this was unexpected!

I'm happy about it, even though the timing is off! I'm a little younger so I constantly have people nervously asking me "Are you happy?" and I don't exactly know how to respond! I'm happy, but since it was an accident I'm afraid to come off as too thrilled...I don't want people to think that this was intentional...but at the same time I feel like being pregnant should be a really joyful thing and I should have a right to be ecstatic no matter the circumstances!

Has anyone else felt this way, or does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with this?

Dixiemom1st's picture
Joined: 09/07/07
Posts: 620

Congratulations!!! No advice here!! Welcome to April!!

Joined: 06/15/11
Posts: 611

Pregnancy is a wonderful gift. I was 20 when I found out I was expecting my daughter, it was scary and wonderful at the same time. I heard alot of things about being 2 young or whatnot. It wasn't an ideal situation, but my daughter is now 8 and a wonderful, happy, healthy young lady that I couldn't even think about living without. Good Luck and Welcome! Enjoy this wonderful blessing!

krazykat's picture
Joined: 08/11/07
Posts: 1143

If you are feeling joyous, don't let anyone (or what they might think of you), bring you down!! Pregnancy is a time like no other in your life, and if you are blessed to be able to enjoy it, then go for it mama!!

Congrats on both your engagement and little bean Biggrin

I look forward to getting to know you!

JBird3010's picture
Joined: 01/21/11
Posts: 404

First of all, congrats on the engagement and pregnancy!!

I'm 22 years old, and have been married for a year. My husband and I decided we wanted to try for a baby (my husband is 9 years older than me and was ready for a family, and I was ready for one too). We havent told anyone that we're pregnant yet just because we want to make sure everything goes ok. I know there will be a couple of people in my family that will think that I'm too young to want to start a family, but in my opinion, my husband is already in his 30's and we are in a good position right now to start a family. The main thing is that you are happy, and you're fiance is happy. It's also nice to know that, even though you're not married, (which I'm not saying you have to be to have a baby) you know that you are going to have someone to support you the whole way!!

So good luck and I hope you didnt mind my two cents!

fittoac's picture
Joined: 05/05/08
Posts: 383

Welcome to April! I was engaged and 4 months shy of my wedding date when we found out I was pregnant with our daughter. Though we'd been together over 6 years at that point, it was still a total SHOCK, and not one that I took well, to be honest. I had so looked forward to enjoying those newlywed years with just me and my husband and suddenly those "years" were up against a ticking clock and we weren't even married yet! Truth be told, I was devastated. My then-fiance was amazing though, and kept reminding me that even though things weren't happening as we'd planned, we were going to have an amazing little child and we'd just be this happy cute family and everything would be ok in the end. And of course, he was totally right. We kept the pregnancy a secret from everyone except our immediate families and best friends (ie, the wedding party) until the day after our wedding. It was actually really fun.... we had a post-wedding brunch and as all our guests came up to say goodbye we got to break the news to them individually. It was SO fun seeing their reactions... especially all our college friends. Under no other circumstances would we have been able to tell our happy news to everyone we know and love in person! It was very special for us to be able to do that. People were obviously very surprised, but EVERYONE (unless they felt otherwise behind our backs) was excited, supportive, and happy for us. It was wonderful. The main reason I wanted to keep it under wraps until after the wedding was because 1) I didn't want people thinking we got engaged just because I got knocked up (we'd been engaged for 2.5 months before that happened), and 2) Dang it! It was my wedding day and I wanted everyone focusing on US and the fact that we were getting married and not the BABY! Haha! I figured, this kid has the next 18 years to be the center of attention, this is OUR day!! Smile Call me selfish, but I didn't want anyone stealing our wedding day thunder.... even if it was our unborn child. Wink

Anyyyyyway, I'm telling you this long and drawn out story because I think it's important that you deal with this exactly in the way that makes you the most comfortable. Want to shout it from the rooftops? Do it! This isn't 1955.... people are so much more accepting of this sort of thing than they used to be. Want to keep it a secret til after the wedding? (If your belly doesn't give you away by then, that is!) Do it! Your wedding and pregnancy/childbirth are two of the most personal events that will ever occur to a woman and dang it if you don't handle it exactly how you want to. If people get their panties in a bunch over it, that's their issue. You didn't say how old you are, but of course if you're like 18/19 I'm sure people will have a harder time keeping their opinions to themselves. Oh well though... you can't control other people's reactions.

Good luck and congratulations!! When are you getting married?

KET_2010's picture
Joined: 08/13/11
Posts: 1737

Welcome to April!

I am 24 and expecting my 3rd. I had my first daughter at 18. I was scared and happy at the same time. I was scared because I was young, but so excited that I got to become a mom. Although I was only dating the guy at the time, I really thought everything would be great. The guy was 17 when our daughter was born and by the time he was 18 he left (no no I'm not saying this to scare you!!!) It sucked, but at the same time I have met my wonderful husband in the time afterwards.

When we got pregnant with my 2nd (his 1st biological, but he considers her his 2nd as well) I was 21, almost 22 and he had just turned 19. However, before we got pregnant (it was an accident) we knew we wanted to get married (hell, we moved in together after dating a month!) and we had discussed getting married for a while. Then we got pregnant and we were scared. We discussed our options, but in the end we knew we wanted our baby. We talked about everything and we found a way (at the time) to make everything work.

We weren't engaged at the time, but we knew we wanted to get married. We were so happy about being pregnant and even though both our families were against it, we didn't let that get us down.

Point is, don't let them "rain on your parade" per say. If you're happy that is great. All of us on this board are happy and excited for you!

MrsRiggert's picture
Joined: 11/21/07
Posts: 2195

WELCOME! I haven't been in YOUR situation but DS was definately an "oops" baby. DD was only 7 1/2 months old when I found out I was expecting again. Well, my husband FLIPPED and was almost angry. I on the other hand was REALLY excited...it was so crazy because I should have been scared (OMG we're going to have 2 kids under the age of 2) but I was REALLY happy. I also quite often got the "Are you happy?" question thrown at me and I said YES, I'm really happy!

So like everyone else has said...if you're happy then be happy and don't let ANYONE else make you unhappy about it!

Jeffininer's picture
Joined: 11/07/07
Posts: 1796

First, Welcome!! We are glad to have you and hope to get to know you better!

Secondly, I'm so sorry you are stressed! But, if you are truly happy, don't let the thought of what others think bring you down. You don't have to 'dumb down' your emotions for how others think you should be react. I say if you are happy, show them you're happy. Is this the ideal circumstance? Probably not. But, life happens and you have to be sure you make the right decisions for YOU.

I have begun to say that your mood is what you decide. You always have a choice at how to look at life. If you always choose the bad, then it is your own fault you are negative. But, if you choose the good, then you will always be happy Smile

mommyof1.5's picture
Joined: 08/06/07
Posts: 897

I think it is very important to express your emotions in the same way that you are experiencing them, no matter the circumstance. The same goes for planning a wedding. It's not about anyone else, but you. I had two children with my first husband, divorced for a few years now. I got engaged the beginning of July, and had a whoops a week later. We bumped up our ceremony date to 8/19 for various reasons, but I also struggled with how/when to share the news with my friends and family. I knew people would be asking how far along I was, and trying to calculate when I conceived, compared to my actual wedding date. :rolleyes: What it comes down to, is I knew I wanted another baby at some point, and I am going to allow myself to be happy about it, whether some people want to support me or not.

ruokeni's picture
Joined: 09/26/10
Posts: 157

I think all that matters is that you are happy about it, even if you weren't trying to conceive. So yes, be happy, enjoy it, of course you have a right to be excited. Congratulations and welcome!

youngmom08's picture
Joined: 06/23/11
Posts: 509

Hello, just wanted to welcome you to April. Congrats on your engagement as well. I'm 21, engaged & working on my 2nd kid so I know how it feels for other people to ask you what you've been asked. I say take your pregnancy with pride and don't be afraid to be excited about it as PP mentioned. Hope to get to know you better!

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