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cayxcee1's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 70

Hi ladies... I am moving on from the March board. So here is my introduction

My name is Casey i am 21 and DH is Blake and he is also 21. I have 2 boys of my own Sam who is 4 he will be 5 in December and Kayden who just turned 3 last month. I talk about my boys a lot and i tend to offer up advice that i have. This will be our first baby together. We have been together for 2 years. And we also dated in Junior High. AF just showed up today after being 13 days late. So i hope to join you ladies here in April. I want a baby so bad as i feel so empty without my boys (read my story below and you will understand) I know a new baby wont fix that feeling and i dont want it to... I dont act like i dont have kids all ready i always say i have 2 sons when people ask and they will always be a part of me... but i have always wanted a big family and to me a new baby is just like adding to that family.

I am going to tell the story about my boys that way if i say something about it later you ladies dont get confused. I was 16 when i found out i was prego with DS1 I had him 2 months after my 17th birthday. I lost him when he was 6 months old to Child Protective Services. His father tried to murder me and my son and i defended myself and had to call 911 and they called CPS and then they came and took my son even though i defended myself and my son they said there was bodily harm in front of a minor. So i moved out and moved into a house owned by my family and my Case Worker contacted me and said that i should stay with DS father and get married. That it would look better on me in court. Well only being 17 i did everything she asked me to do. So i got married to him. Then we fought to get my DS back from the state for 2.5 years and lost. Well during this time i got prego with DS2 who we did not plan. I had Merina and it failed and i got prego. Well i lost him to CPS when he was 4 months old because they had all ready taken my oldest and because my case wasnt closed they said they had to take DS2 also. Which dosent make seance to me. I then fought for DS2 until he was 2 years old and lost yet again to the state. I have contacted many people about this and there is nothing anyone can do. They targeted me because i was a young mom and would do whatever was asked of me and they knew that they could use that against me because i was trusting. I never thought that some of the things i was being asked to do could make me look bad. I just wanted my children back with me where they belonged and in the long run i screwed myself. But they way i look at it now is at least they are in a safe place and their father knows nothing about them at all, and their Adoptive Parents let me see them a few times a month so that makes it easier to get through life. Their father can know nothing about them because (after i divorced him when i finally saw what the state was trying to do) he tried to kidnap both of my boys from their foster parents because he knew that i would ask for him not to be allowed to see them or be a part of the case any more. Sorry if that is confusing it is hard for me to type all the little details and i get confused trying to type. If you have any questions please PM me and i will explain better.

yellow.rose.of.canada's picture
Joined: 01/13/10
Posts: 1173

First off, :bighug:

My husband and I are pastors and have dealt with the ministry of family here in BC (the same as CPS) and sadly I've seen cases almost identical to yours. It is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

cayxcee1's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 70

It has only made me stronger. I have always been a very strong willed and stubborn person and going through all of that has just made me more strong willed and stubborn. I have also helped out a few young moms that live close to me by telling my story because they were headed down the path i suffered on for so long. So in the end i guess i could look at it as some what of a good thing. I love my boys with everything i have and i always will and still to this day even with them being adopted i still buy them birthday and Christmas and i always have something for them every time i see them. If you ever hear me say that DH is torn between TTC and not TTC that is why. He is afraid that CPS will come take the new baby just because they can. I have tried to explain that they can not do that and if they do i will sue the state. But it makes him very nervous and it does me to because i know they will mess with me and try to make it seem like i am doing things i shouldnt do. But if they ever try to mess with me i have a very good lawyer that said she would help me out for free. I couldnt afford her when i lost my boys she charges around 850 an hour. so a lil out of my price range. and she has had so many people try to hire her who couldnt afford her that she told me if they ever tried to mess with me again she would take my case for free that it was about time someone taught this state a lesson. Thank you for the hug. Most people judge me because of my past. My own case worker stood up in court and told the judge that she wasnt worried about my kids being fed clean and well taken care of. She was worried that my ex-husband would show up again and try to hurt us again. And i didnt have a drivers license so i couldnt get to Drs appointments and things... well i have a mom and there is a city bus here that would have taken us. In the end she was just trying to come up with anything she could to keep my kids from me. Needless to say she lost her job just as soon as my case was over. I caught her lying on the stand about me and a friend caught her lying on the stand also and she got fired. That was one of the best days ever. She used to tell me that i was worthless and i would never amount to anything and i would never have an education. I saw her one day in wal-mart and she started to talk to me and i told her that i got my GED and i start college in the fall and she didnt have a word to say back to me. It felt great to make her speechless Smile

Dixiemom1st's picture
Joined: 09/07/07
Posts: 620

Wow, I can not imagine going through all of that. You are soo strong for coming out the other end of that.

Welcome and I hope you get your BFP!!!

youngmom08's picture
Joined: 06/23/11
Posts: 509

Casey, I'm around your same age and am ttc my 2nd. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that and I hope you get your bfp really soon. I've also had to deal w/ CPS and my case was dropped because they found out the person who contacted them made false allegations & I was offered a chance to take legal action against them. If you need to talk pm me at anytime.

aphart0's picture
Joined: 11/21/08
Posts: 681

Wow Casey, I can't imagine going through what you have been through. That is great that you have been so strong through everything. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can get your BFP soon.

cayxcee1's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 70

Thank you ladies it means a lot for you not to judge me. I am a very open person and a lot of times it gets me hurt in the end. Yes i have made it through but it is a struggle to live my life everyday with the emptiness of knowing that i should have to beautiful lil boys wake me up every morning. I am very thankful that they are being well taken care of and i see them. And when times get hard i have my Niece and Nephew to pull me through. I also had false allegations made on me when i lost DS2 i think that is the reason they took him. That is the only thing that makes sense to me but they just said they had to because they had my oldest. Where i am from they are "kid" hungry my best friend lost her kids over having 2 dirty loads of dishes and some dirty clothes in the laundry room. Well when you are a single mom of 4 little ones its hard to have every thing clean all the time. And if that is the only thing they can find wrong then they shouldnt take your kids. There are so many foster parent here who became foster parents because they cant have kids they get greedy and pester CPS about when they will be able to foster a child. My DS2 foster parents were in the CPS office talking to my Case Worker 2 days before they took DS2 and i think that is the only reason they took him was because those people wanted a baby. I know we are all TTC but it is people like the foster parents here that make me sick... they are to lazy to do an adoption and it costs them money so they way they see it why not foster a kid get paid for fostering that kid and then adopt that kid for free.... I know so much about this state and my county that i could SUE and win but i cant find a lawyer to take the case because they are all scared to try and SUE the state. So i just let it go and tell my story as much as i can to the young moms here. I started a blog about me and my past with DCS and when i get caught up to the present time i will post the link for you ladies

RedCherry's picture
Joined: 03/19/09
Posts: 656

That's so messed up. I can't even imagine what you've been through. You are very strong! Hoping this is your month!!

mwilliamson006's picture
Joined: 09/10/08
Posts: 928

This is all just so sad. I would not be able to function with out my two dd's. You are such a brave person. I commend you for standing up for yourself, and moving forward no matter how hard it is. I do hope you get your BFP soon. You do deserve it. I cannot imagine trying to conceive a child after all of this going on. I'm so so glad that you get to see your DS's. Not many people can say that after all of that happening.:bigarmhug:

cayxcee1's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 70

Thanks ladies i appreciate all the support that you ladies give... it would be nice if i got it in real life. The only person that half way supports me is my DH and he does a crappy job at it... But at least he tries... And im not saying i am perfect yes i did make wrong choices but i was only 17 and had no guidance from anyone. My mom and i have a very rocky relationship and every time we tried to talk it turned into a huge fight so i never asked for her advice or guidance. But now she is doing better and we dont fight as much but every time she gets mad at me she digs up the past and rubs it in my face. We are working on it with her my Step-Dad has talked to her a lot about how it makes me feel and she has gotten better. But it just seems like every few months she does it again. So the support you ladies show is amazing to me and i love it. To bad you ladies are all so far away i could use some good friends. But hey i got you girls here when i need yah
P.S. i love my mom and wouldnt trade her for the world.... it would just be nice if she could understand how i felt sometimes