Merry Christmas to me!

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JBird3010's picture
Joined: 01/21/11
Posts: 404
Merry Christmas to me!

So last night I was laying in bed trying to get comfortable (ha) and all of a sudden I started freaking out about not knowing what to do when baby gets here. (Mind you I had visited my friend and her one month old yesterday and she was telling me things that she wished someone had told her when she gave birth.) So I got up and started shopping Amazon (also hence the reason I was posting strange things on here at 3:00 in the morning). I bought myself Ann Douglas's The Mother of All Baby Books (I also have her book The Mother of All Pregnancy books, I really like her style of writing and giving information), Hypnobirthing The Morgan Method, and Hypnosis for an Easy Pregnancy CD Set. Oh, and I was nice and bought my husband an astronomy calendar that he wants. Since it's just the two of us at home we just pick out ourselves what we want for Christmas and buy it.

So needless to say, I should be set now as far as reading goes for a couple of months!

Any other FTM starting to freak out about stuff they might not know what to do when baby gets here? I can't be the only one starting to already worry right?

BTDT moms, what was one (or two or three!) things you really wished you had known before you gave birth so that you wouldnt have been calling the hospital at the wee hours of the night asking about, because baby did something that you werent expecting?

mommyof1.5's picture
Joined: 08/06/07
Posts: 897

I wish my support person hadn't gone out of the country at the time, or the hospital wasn't so forceful in immediately recommending c-sections. I believe it would have made a HUGE difference if I had a doula or midwife the first time around!

Also - really read up on what "real contractions" feel like, versus BH. That can ease a momma's nerves, to know ahead of time. My sister had her first child in September, and they didn't even TRY to explain what labor will be like, what contractions will feel like.. nothing. Beee

KET_2010's picture
Joined: 08/13/11
Posts: 1737

That projectile vomit can be normal lol. Oh and do NOT let anyone tell you how you raise your kid. They can offer advice but remember you know what's best for you and baby.

Also if your LO starts crying, it's okay to let him/her cry for a little bit. Esp if you need a break to the bathroom. And if you get frustrated it's okay to lay him/her down in their bed and close the door to get a breather and relax some.

I think I was lucky in a sense that I was 18 when I had DD1 and lived with my parents so my mom (who has 4 kids) could give me some tips.

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

Amanda made a really good point about the labor thing.

I think because I was so worried about being unprepared, I ended up actually being really prepared for her. The sleepless nights are not a joke in any way. DD would wake up about every 1.5 hours at first. She was very high needs and just cried and cried at times and there was NOTHING I could do to make it stop. You will get frustrated and maybe even angry, just knowing that can help you cope. For me, knowing something was normal helped me deal with it.

The only thing I can say I felt ripped off on was that nobody told me how much breastfeeding would hurt for the 2 to 3 weeks. When she would latch on I would be in tears, it hurt SO bad. I felt like I needed a leather strap to bite down on when she would first latch on. But it does get better and if you persist and keep at it, it's worth it.

I'm terrified that I won't know what to do with 2 kids now. I remember how rough it was with a newborn the first couple of months and this time I'm going to have a newborn AND an 18 month old and I am scared to death that I'm going to be overwhelmed. I try to remind myself that other people have survived it and I'm strong enough to do so as well, but I'll keep worrying about it, I'm sure.

Have confidence. You can totally do this and your motherly instincts really do kick in. Also, if you are anything like me, be prepared to feel extremely overprotective of your teeny tiny!

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

This is totally more of an after baby thing. But that you have to set aside time to foster the relationship between you and DH. They are needy too and used to having your 1 on 1 attention. Its hard for even the greatest Dad to become 2nd place for even a little while when baby is tiny and needs your 100% everything. It was hard for us to figure out that balance and how to make time for just us. Once we got that down things were so much better.

mommyof1.5's picture
Joined: 08/06/07
Posts: 897

Oh yeah.... for those going from 1 child to 2 ... My oldest was 19 months when I had my second child. I was definitely tired A LOT the first 6 weeks, and I had an overwhelming sense of guilt that I had just stolen away time from my first child. The change wasn't too bad after the transition period, and after a few weeks, I couldn't remember life without my second child. I've heard the change from 2 to 3 is a much bigger difference, because the kids now outnumber the parents. Hopefully with the bigger age gap this time, that won't be such a big deal!

Joined: 08/06/11
Posts: 360

I have a bit of an out of the ordinary experience since my first baby was a four month old foster boy, but having people around who are experienced to help as you are learning and becoming comfortable with the day to day care. For example, my partner and I did the bathing together the first couple of times, but I took the little guy to a friends house for the first fingernail cutting because I was nervous to cut such little nails!! Not saying that the support people need to come over all the time, but just be available in case you have a question.
When I did have my own little one, I relied on a LOT of lanolin for sore/cracked/bleeding nipples... My daughter bit me so hard I bled when she was a day old, so nursing while having a sore was really painful. Definitely worth persevering though since we ended up having a great nursing relationship!
A friend of mine said that the biggest thing she wished she knew was how isolating a newborn can be. Going from a workplace being surrounded by people to being home with just a little really needy one is a huge transition. Especially when your husband goes back to work, and going out solo with all the baby "gear" can be daunting. I would say try know in advance some baby and mum groups, or other friends who are off from work and get out everyday. Even taking the baby for a walk is so mentally and emotionally important!
Finally, trust yourself!!!! Even though you aren't an expert in all babies, you are the expert in your baby and your body!! You know what is working and what isn't. If something seems off, talk to your friends, your doctor, but don't let anyone who isn't in your home 24 hours a day tell you what to do or what you are doing wrong.

And a final finally... ENJOY!!!!! There are moments of absolute hilarity and ridiculousness that just need to be laughed at... like when my breasts were so engorged I literally sprayed milk across the room!!! And there are some many moments when you just need to slow down and live in the moment. As the saying goes, the dishes will wait, but the baby will only be a baby for a short time. I have great memories of just relaxing and watching my little one sleep in my arms. And take lots of pictures and videos!! We have a video of my daughter a day old looking around and hiccuping and it is just priceless!!

You are going to do great!!