I am having the hardest time deciding on a doula. I am 20.5 weeks and I really should make a move if I am planning to have one. The thing is... I AM a doula, I have great doula friends, there is a great doula network here, and I LIKE doulas. So why do I have cold feet?
I keep thinking, who would I feel comfortable dropping my clothes in front of right now? I never really saw myself as a very private person, but I am afraid maybe I am. Maybe that is what has held me up in the past. I will be a VBA2C. I have an incredible OB that I KNOW will not mention c/s unless it is a true medical necessity. He doesn't want me on meds, no induction, and no epidural. I have heard from other patients that when they got to transition and begged for drugs and he knew the birth was eminent that he would say things like, "well, let's think about that for a little bit. we can't drug up the baby right before you have her." I love him. But anyways...
I don't have any real glowing memories of my last doula. My husband was in Afghanistan, and if you remember I went for an HBAC. Labored at home for 48 hours, and then ended up in a transfer and repeat c/s. My MW went with me to the hospital, but not my doula. I remember a few minutes of support from her. She did Reiki and pumped me full of a bunch of homeopathic tablets. There wasn't a lot of physical support, and I can't ask for it after I get past a certain point. I really don't have glowing memories of anyone who was there to be honest.
So here we are... and I can't seem to find that magical answer. Which doula? Do I even want a doula at all?
Any advice or encouragement or direction at all for me?
ETA: I am not judgemental of people who use meds or epis or inductions, but for *ME* it is statistically safer. Risk of uterine rupture increases with induction (for FTMs and vbac moms). Induction can also cause funky things to happen with the baby b/c of the added, and unnatural stress that the uterus and baby are under. Epis slow labor down and with my history that is NOT something I want AT ALL. And pain meds/epis can interfere with the baby's heartrate, can cause them to have decelerations or have complications, and any sign of complication is a contraindication to vbacing (in my mind). So those are my reasons, but I don't judge those who make those informed decisions for themselves