Baby Advice

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eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439
Baby Advice

Since I'm still waiting for my little boy over here, its hard to participate in the baby talk, and I think mostly because this is my first and I would feel rude even trying to be sympathetic to all of you and your lack of sleep, nursing and crying issues. You would probably all roll your eyes and say "she doesn't know what's coming to her." Haha. So I thought I'd start a thread on baby advice....

So what are the things that you discovered when you first had a baby that no one told you about?

And what is the worst advice you've gotten from someone else about how to care for a baby?

crazy j's picture
Joined: 10/08/07
Posts: 1162

I keep thinking were probably scaring the crap out of the FTMs that are still pregnant. The thing I wish someone would have told me was that it's really hard at times and that all moms feel overwhelmed sometimes. I felt like something was wrong with me last time since Iwas sstruggling. Also, the first year goes by in a flash and they're constantly changing, so don't stress about colicky crying or crappy sleep because in two weeks they'll be over it and doing something else, lol. One more, you'll make yourself crazy if you try and make your baby fit into the mold of what babies are supposed to be doing at any age. I wish I never read anything about supposedly normal baby sleep patterns because my son never fell into that and I made myself crazy trying to make him. I wish I would have justeenjoyed him more because now he's a crazy 4 year old!

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

I didn't know babies peeled. Like they got sunburned. It's from being in liquid for so long, but they peel EVERYWHERE. I was like OMG when I first saw it LOL. I also wasn't aware there aren't any tears this early - that's probably good though because she's got this certain cry - and if it had tears with it, I'd melt down immediately. She did it today when I was hooking her in her carseat and it makes ME want to cry.

Bad advice...hmm. I don't think I've gotten any horrible advice. I get a little sick of people I know (mainly work people) offering "advice" everytime I walk in there. Oh!! I got one! EVERY TIME she cries, the immediate answer from everyone is ...she's be hungry. I'm thinking, really? I just fed her. She's crying because she doesn't like YOU! HA! ..(I don't really say that).

And honestly, I'm one of the lucky ones. Julie sleeps overnight in 4-5 hour stretches. Yes, I'm up in the middle of the morning to feed her, but generally it's only that once (even though she's up for a good hour) and then we get another long stretch of sleep.

AimeeS1911's picture
Joined: 02/01/12
Posts: 636

I agree with Joan a lot on the feeling like nothing is going right and I am the only one. Some people tolerate things more and even though they say things are perfect they also have things going on that make times difficult. Don't be afraid to come on here and ask us questions or call the pedi etc... And know when you ask us a ques our answers are only our experience or opinions. I always felt calling the docs was me being stupid or something and avoided it so much and even now I still do but I am giving you the advice I wish I was following lol.

I don't really know the worst advice but I do know one thing I wish I could change from then is taking everything to heart that people said. I have big babies and they are bottle fed so get big fast and so many people commented on this and it made me upset. Like so bad and now I look at DD and am like who cares that's she had chubby thighs etc... Another time a friend constantly made fun of what she called a flat spot and I would ask the doc and be told she was fine but I let it get to me and again she's fine and beautiful now and it was a lot of unneeded hardship for nothing

Agree to enjoy every moment... Leave a sink of dirty dishes to spend time laying listening to them learn to find their voice... The world won't end for the dishes but that moment will NEVER happen again

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

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eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

Joan, I'm the last one in April, Amanda (2confused) is May 1st and posts here sometimes, but she is a BTDT mom with 3, so you aren't scaring her. I'm not scared of y'alls posts, I'm just not there yet, and its hard to comment sometimes, because I don't want to come off as a know it all, since all I know is what I've read and seen my friends do.

Good advice about the bad stuff being over in 2 weeks! Haha, hopefully nothing terrible lasts longer than that. And yes I know the perfect sleeper may not be my kid. It surely wasn't my friends....her daughter is 3 and she still deals with sleep issues.

Jessica, you are lucky girl. You better hope Julie keeps up her good sleep patterns and didn't just jinx yourself. Haha.

Joined: 01/04/05
Posts: 543

I would have to say my biggest surprise as a ftm was that it didn't just "come naturally" as everyone says it does. Breastfeeding was hard, she was a colicky preemie, and I was just flat wore out! lol and at times wondered what in the heck I had done to myself lol But I must agree w/ the other ladies it passes quickly... and they are off and running. I have heard my fair of share of advice... but I think the most awkward situation I had was I had just brought home my tiny preemie, struggling to bf and my dad and step mom dropped by to visit. When I mentioned I wanted to stop bf'ing she threatened to take a hormone shot and nurse my baby?! WTH lady really? ROFL Oh and also as a ftm I HATED when people stopped by... it didn't bother me with the others but I hated it w/ my 1st

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

Oh there you are Amanda! Haha, I was just asking about you in the May board!

crazy j's picture
Joined: 10/08/07
Posts: 1162

I can't really pinpoint any bad advice, but I hate it when people think just because something was true for their kid(s), it's true for all kids. People say, oh, justdo this or this. Like this guy at work swears if I just put on relaxing music, my super hyper DS would go to bed easy. Ok guy.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

Okay-best advice I can give is to figure out your minimum care requirements and make them happen. Like, I remember with T there was a point where I knew he would cry if I put him down to go get something to eat...so I just wouldn't eat. Or I knew he would cry if I put him down to go to the bathroom, so I tried to hold him while going to the bathroom. Don't do that. First of all, gross. Second of all, it's really hard to pull up your pants with one hand. Third, it won't hurt him to cry for two minutes while you pee. And fourth, you're a human being, you deserve to be able to be able to pee in relative peace. Anyway, my point is, there are things that everyone needs to so to take care of themselves and stay sane, like peeing by themselves. Figure out what your minimum care requirements are, and make sure they happen EVEN IF THAT MEANS THE BABY CRIES FOR A FEW MINUTES. I feel like the prevalent mommy culture right now makes it seem like it's a crime against infancy to let your baby cry for even a few minutes. That's not a realistic goal, and you will grind yourself to an absolute by if you try to maintain a perfect "my baby will never ever be allowed to cry ever" ideal. I'm not saying let your newborn scream by himself for 45 minutes. I'm saying that if you're in the shower and your newborn wakes up and starts to cry, it's a better idea to quickly but calmly finish your shower, dry yourself reasonably well, and then pick him up, rather than flying to his side naked, covered in soap, and dripping wet. I read a lot of attachment patenting literature when I was pregnant with T, and no one ever made it clear that its okay to let the baby cry for a few minutes to take care of your basic human needs, so I would like go make that clear now. It's totally okay.

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

"AimeeS1911" wrote:

Agree to enjoy every moment... Leave a sink of dirty dishes to spend time laying listening to them learn to find their voice... The world won't end for the dishes but that moment will NEVER happen again

Love this Smile

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

Great advice Alissa! I can totally see me being too attached and not wanting to let him cry, but your right, really what is it hurting if its only for a brief moment. And haha about going to the bathroom with baby, that does sound awkward. LOL.

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

I'm pretty sure I tried going to the bathroom while wearing dd1! But yeah, I like what Alissa said. I actually feel I am much more mellow about DD2-I'm not sure if its because I've BTDT and don't worry as much or if its because DD2 is less needy to begin with or maybe my mommy instincts are worn out-I remember with DD1 when I would take a shower, I would "hear" her crying the whole time, even though when I would turn off the water to check, she wasn't actually crying and DH would be like, no, she's fine. I was just hearing it in my head. I also couldn't go more than a few minutes without checking on her if she was lying down in another room sleeping cause I was so worried she might have stopped breathing or something (not that I got to leave her in another room much anyway since she wouldn't sleep if she wasn't being held) With DD2 I don't imagine I hear her crying and I can leave her for an hour or two long nap and maybe only check on her once or twice. And when she does cry, while I certainly don't leave her crying, I will finish up what I am doing if I need to, rather than drop everything at the first little bit of fussing.

Joined: 03/19/05
Posts: 338

"eliann" wrote:

Great advice Alissa! I can totally see me being too attached and not wanting to let him cry, but your right, really what is it hurting if its only for a brief moment. And haha about going to the bathroom with baby, that does sound awkward. LOL.

remember my post about dropping the pacifier in the toilet? lol Yeah, its best to put baby down in a safe spot and then go to the bathroom. Smile

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

Hehe, I often am nursing and going to the bathroom... but it's not because he will cry if I take him off; it's because it's too painful to take him off and relatch him! ROFL

I would echo others in saying that you will probably break down a few times because you just don't know what to do/can't do it, etc. Just encourage your hubby to be supportive because it's really all they can do. Let them take the baby if he's crying for awhile just to give you a break.
And every baby is different so what will work for one baby won't work for another.

Maybe the worst advice I've gotten (don't tell my DH this!) is to use the "Babywise" book to train them. I did do it with my first and he's always been a great sleeper; didn't do it too much with my second and she wasn't awesome. HOWEVER, I don't think every baby can be strictly scheduled and you have to be able to give a bit - especially when they're itty bitty. I have to admit, I do try to not nurse them to sleep and do a eat-wake-sleep schedule but it's just ingrained in me I guess. But you have to realize that they're not going to always do what you want. I would get *so* stressed out with my son when he would go "off" schedule and things would get messed up. It's okay! Just roll with it! Biggrin

Joined: 03/10/09
Posts: 546

I don't know that i've gotten bad advice from anyone.
My suggestion is this....stay calm(even when you feel like you can't be-like those midnight feedings when your just exhausted and baby thinks it's a cool time to be awake) because it won't last long and this baby stage is over before you know it. Cherish those times. I have to remind myself of that on the nights Kylie wakes up and doesn't go right back to sleep after being changed and fed. She is our last, so I keep telling myself we don't get to do this again and she will eventually sleep through the night!
And always remember like PP's have said every baby is different, so don't stress yourself out over what is and isn't working. It's a learning process and you will eventually figure it out.