Since I'm still waiting for my little boy over here, its hard to participate in the baby talk, and I think mostly because this is my first and I would feel rude even trying to be sympathetic to all of you and your lack of sleep, nursing and crying issues. You would probably all roll your eyes and say "she doesn't know what's coming to her." Haha. So I thought I'd start a thread on baby advice....
So what are the things that you discovered when you first had a baby that no one told you about?
And what is the worst advice you've gotten from someone else about how to care for a baby?
I keep thinking were probably scaring the crap out of the FTMs that are still pregnant. The thing I wish someone would have told me was that it's really hard at times and that all moms feel overwhelmed sometimes. I felt like something was wrong with me last time since Iwas sstruggling. Also, the first year goes by in a flash and they're constantly changing, so don't stress about colicky crying or crappy sleep because in two weeks they'll be over it and doing something else, lol. One more, you'll make yourself crazy if you try and make your baby fit into the mold of what babies are supposed to be doing at any age. I wish I never read anything about supposedly normal baby sleep patterns because my son never fell into that and I made myself crazy trying to make him. I wish I would have justeenjoyed him more because now he's a crazy 4 year old!
I didn't know babies peeled. Like they got sunburned. It's from being in liquid for so long, but they peel EVERYWHERE. I was like OMG when I first saw it LOL. I also wasn't aware there aren't any tears this early - that's probably good though because she's got this certain cry - and if it had tears with it, I'd melt down immediately. She did it today when I was hooking her in her carseat and it makes ME want to cry.
Bad advice...hmm. I don't think I've gotten any horrible advice. I get a little sick of people I know (mainly work people) offering "advice" everytime I walk in there. Oh!! I got one! EVERY TIME she cries, the immediate answer from everyone is ...she's be hungry. I'm thinking, really? I just fed her. She's crying because she doesn't like YOU! HA! ..(I don't really say that).
And honestly, I'm one of the lucky ones. Julie sleeps overnight in 4-5 hour stretches. Yes, I'm up in the middle of the morning to feed her, but generally it's only that once (even though she's up for a good hour) and then we get another long stretch of sleep.
I agree with Joan a lot on the feeling like nothing is going right and I am the only one. Some people tolerate things more and even though they say things are perfect they also have things going on that make times difficult. Don't be afraid to come on here and ask us questions or call the pedi etc... And know when you ask us a ques our answers are only our experience or opinions. I always felt calling the docs was me being stupid or something and avoided it so much and even now I still do but I am giving you the advice I wish I was following lol.
I don't really know the worst advice but I do know one thing I wish I could change from then is taking everything to heart that people said. I have big babies and they are bottle fed so get big fast and so many people commented on this and it made me upset. Like so bad and now I look at DD and am like who cares that's she had chubby thighs etc... Another time a friend constantly made fun of what she called a flat spot and I would ask the doc and be told she was fine but I let it get to me and again she's fine and beautiful now and it was a lot of unneeded hardship for nothing
Agree to enjoy every moment... Leave a sink of dirty dishes to spend time laying listening to them learn to find their voice... The world won't end for the dishes but that moment will NEVER happen again
Joan, I'm the last one in April, Amanda (2confused) is May 1st and posts here sometimes, but she is a BTDT mom with 3, so you aren't scaring her. I'm not scared of y'alls posts, I'm just not there yet, and its hard to comment sometimes, because I don't want to come off as a know it all, since all I know is what I've read and seen my friends do.
Good advice about the bad stuff being over in 2 weeks! Haha, hopefully nothing terrible lasts longer than that. And yes I know the perfect sleeper may not be my kid. It surely wasn't my friends....her daughter is 3 and she still deals with sleep issues.
Jessica, you are lucky girl. You better hope Julie keeps up her good sleep patterns and didn't just jinx yourself. Haha.
I would have to say my biggest surprise as a ftm was that it didn't just "come naturally" as everyone says it does. Breastfeeding was hard, she was a colicky preemie, and I was just flat wore out! lol and at times wondered what in the heck I had done to myself lol But I must agree w/ the other ladies it passes quickly... and they are off and running. I have heard my fair of share of advice... but I think the most awkward situation I had was I had just brought home my tiny preemie, struggling to bf and my dad and step mom dropped by to visit. When I mentioned I wanted to stop bf'ing she threatened to take a hormone shot and nurse my baby?! WTH lady really? Oh and also as a ftm I HATED when people stopped by... it didn't bother me with the others but I hated it w/ my 1st
I can't really pinpoint any bad advice, but I hate it when people think just because something was true for their kid(s), it's true for all kids. People say, oh, justdo this or this. Like this guy at work swears if I just put on relaxing music, my super hyper DS would go to bed easy. Ok guy.
Okay-best advice I can give is to figure out your minimum care requirements and make them happen. Like, I remember with T there was a point where I knew he would cry if I put him down to go get something to eat...so I just wouldn't eat. Or I knew he would cry if I put him down to go to the bathroom, so I tried to hold him while going to the bathroom. Don't do that. First of all, gross. Second of all, it's really hard to pull up your pants with one hand. Third, it won't hurt him to cry for two minutes while you pee. And fourth, you're a human being, you deserve to be able to be able to pee in relative peace. Anyway, my point is, there are things that everyone needs to so to take care of themselves and stay sane, like peeing by themselves. Figure out what your minimum care requirements are, and make sure they happen EVEN IF THAT MEANS THE BABY CRIES FOR A FEW MINUTES. I feel like the prevalent mommy culture right now makes it seem like it's a crime against infancy to let your baby cry for even a few minutes. That's not a realistic goal, and you will grind yourself to an absolute by if you try to maintain a perfect "my baby will never ever be allowed to cry ever" ideal. I'm not saying let your newborn scream by himself for 45 minutes. I'm saying that if you're in the shower and your newborn wakes up and starts to cry, it's a better idea to quickly but calmly finish your shower, dry yourself reasonably well, and then pick him up, rather than flying to his side naked, covered in soap, and dripping wet. I read a lot of attachment patenting literature when I was pregnant with T, and no one ever made it clear that its okay to let the baby cry for a few minutes to take care of your basic human needs, so I would like go make that clear now. It's totally okay.
-Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)
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