Crazy Week-Sort of OT

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eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2440
Crazy Week-Sort of OT

Warning...venting about to happen.

So last week, this weekend, and yesterday were so wild. I worked like 80 hours. And I took a 6 hour exam on Saturday. My body and brain are like mush right now. On top of all that. In the middle of a crazy deadline our power went out for 3 hours at work and at that exact moment my smartphone died. Like forever. The motherboard just went out. Then the next day my boss was rushing me to convert an mp4 to a wmv and I had like 2 minutes to do it and so I downloaded a bunk converter program online and gave my office computer a major virus. LOL. It was so bad it was funny.

Anyways all of this has me thinking that something has to change or I'm going to be a very terrible mother. I kept telling DH how worried I am about the baby because of stress and lack of sleep. Some days I look up at the clock and its 2pm and I haven't had a single thing to eat since breakfast. I haven't taken an official lunch break in over 2 months. DH thinks the baby is fine...baby is kicking a lot so I'm guessing he's alright. But I have to change something right? This is my profession...it requires stupid amounts of overtime and stressful clients.

Anyone else have this issue with overtime? How do you deal with it? Ugh.

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

((HUGS)). I will be honest and say I don't get stupid amounts of overtime. Actually, we aren't allowed overtime unless something dreadful happens. I'm the only person in my dept, so ...if anything dreadful were to happen, it'd be to me anyway.

Regardless, I haven't taken a "lunch break" in 3 years. I go in to work at 4 in the morning and I get off between 11 and 2. Most days I don't eat until I get off (when I finally realize I'm starving. Then I throw it right back up because I inhale it). I don't think not feeding yourself will make you a terrible mother. Baby is going to take what baby needs, period. When your baby boy is born, I'm sure it will change your entire mind set. You may have the same job, but I doubt it is as "important" in your life anymore.

I was talking to a co-worker and she said she almost left her baby at home four times after he was born, because she was so used to just running out the door. I'm forgetful anyway, so ..I'm assuming that will happen to me. But she said almost - and she said it changed to where her whole world revolved around the baby. In a good way. So no worries! Yes, you could probably eat better. But when it comes right down to it, I'll bet you'll end up a great mom!

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

Ugh, you know I give a lot of credit to woman who work and are pregnant. Not that SAHM don't deserve it please don't take it that way, it's not my point. I'm sure not eating for a while isn't going to hurt the baby. Maybe you should get in the habit of having little snacks, like bars or crackers.
My problem as I was telling the OB yesterday when she yelled at me to drink more water was "how am I going to get to the bathroom?" I'm constantly holding my pee!!! I'm with a class full of 1st graders and I just can't walk out! If I start drinking all this water I'm giong to pee my pants. My other concern is the BP, my students can really do a number on my stress level and I worry about it too.
I think all in all it just stinks!! :bighug:

crazy j's picture
Joined: 10/08/07
Posts: 1162

I don't know ... that sounds like way too much stress. That might start causing problems for you as you get towards the end. Once the baby gets here, I agree with everyone else that you'll switch your priorities really quick and hopefully you can push to have things calm down at work.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

(((Hugs)))) That does sound like a lot of stress. Is there anyway to gracefully cut back, or is that just what it is like in your field?

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2440

This is what its like in my field. I know so many women my age that just quit. That's why you rarely see women in architecture over the age of 40. My co-worker quit for this reason. I think I'm going to sit down with my bosses and have a heart-to-heart with them about my expectations as a mother/employee. I'm just going to have to be honest and say that I cannot do overtime like that when I have a kiddo. If it means a pay cut or whatever, so be it. But I think that's what I'm going to have to do.

Some friends/colleagues of mine work 60 hour weeks normally. I'm at least lucky that I only have to do 60-80 hour weeks every couple of months or so. But still. It drives me nutso. And it sucks double, because DH and I are both architects, so he has late nights too. Thankfully not every week though. It seems our deadlines are always at the same time and both of us freak out because our dog hasn't been fed or walked. We worry we are going to be terrible parents.

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

I agree with you and there are going to be times when they start school that you will not want to miss out on as well. I know with my daughter that has happened several times and it really stinks. In then end, it will all matter because that is your child.

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

I don't think you are hurting the baby, it will take what it needs from you. However, I would say the combo of pregnancy with that level of stress may make you more likely to get sick/feel lousy. I just had my two week crazy period at work which entails 10-11 hour days, much of it on my feet and it was hard on me-I pretty much ended up spending the weekends in bed or on the couch recovering instead of doing my Christmas shopping/baking I had planned.

I would say that I think it would be very difficult to do 80 hour work weeks once you have a child, especially if your DH also has a similar schedule, unless you also have family in the area who can help out. Putting aside the fact that you will not want to miss out on spending time with your child, there is the issue of daycare-I think you were planning on using a daycare facility? I know in my area, most of the daycares only provide care until 6pm so during the times I have to work late, we have to arrange for a babysitter if DH is not available to watch DD. Some of my work I am able to do from home so that helps a bit. Also, if your child is sick one of you would probably need to stay home with them, deadlines or not. If cutting back on your hours/responsibilities is feasible, I think it would be a good idea to look into that.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

"Cherrychip" wrote:

I would say that I think it would be very difficult to do 80 hour work weeks once you have a child, especially if your DH also has a similar schedule, unless you also have family in the area who can help out. Putting aside the fact that you will not want to miss out on spending time with your child, there is the issue of daycare-I think you were planning on using a daycare facility? I know in my area, most of the daycares only provide care until 6pm so during the times I have to work late, we have to arrange for a babysitter if DH is not available to watch DD. Some of my work I am able to do from home so that helps a bit. Also, if your child is sick one of you would probably need to stay home with them, deadlines or not. If cutting back on your hours/responsibilities is feasible, I think it would be a good idea to look into that.

Totally agree with this. The logistics of working an 80 hour week (while your DH does the same) is pretty impossible when you have a child, unless you have a very good support system of family and friends. Do you have the ability to work from home at all? That is something I find very helpful as a working mom.

I used to have to travel a lot more often than I do now. When my son was a baby, I went to my boss and told her that I simply couldn't be traveling all of the time. I will say that I think that has been a small detriment to my career; I probably could be "farther up the ladder" so to speak if I was more willing to travel and put in long hours at the office. So, you will have to balance what you can live with career wise, vs what you can live with family wise. I will tell you though, I don't regret my decision and I am in a place where I am very happy with my career/family balance, even if it means I'm not going to be the youngest VP at my company or anything. Blum 3 So I have found that it is possible to find a working balance without totally quitting your job (at least, in my field) but it may also slow your career growth. To me, it's worth it to have more time with my kid(s.)

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2440

Thanks ladies. I'm being realistic here and know I will have to have that talk soon. But on the upside of all this work. I got a huge bonus today. An shocking bonus actually. And they said when I come back from maternity leave they are giving me a significant salary increase. So that's good. But I will have to let them know that they can't expect me to work long hours at the office. I'm setup to work remotely from home. But I rarely do it, because the connection is so slow. So maybe I can talk to them about making that more effective.

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

Hey Elizabeth!

I agree with the PP. Once baby arrives he will become your priority and you won't be a terrible mom!

as far as work I think you will have to cut back on hours. It's just not feasible to work 80 hours a week if both of you are working that much and have a child unless family lives in the same town as you. Otherwise you or your DH will have to do less at work. I have a friend who is taking an extended LOA from her architecture job. Her son is 2 and she's pregnant with another child and isn't planning on going back for at least another 3 years. Not saying that is the way to go but she does want to get back into the field someday. I'd hope that your boss would compromise at 40 hours in the office and then 10-20 at home when needed. Though even 50 hours is a stretch with a newborn. Sad

what are your daycare's hours?

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2440

My daycare's hours are 6:30am to 6:30pm. Although I would feel terrible leaving my child in daycare for 12 hours.