So I went to Dh's cousin's bridal shower today and was talking with all his family members and one of his aunts asked if he was a happy baby or if he cried a lot. I said that he is a happy baby but that he was indeed colicky. Well Dh's grandma butted in and said "he cries because he is spoiled." I said " oh is that the reason, how is he spoiled?" She said I hold him too much. Ha!
Well in the beginning I did hold him because it was the only thing that soothed him...and the only thing that kept me sane. But now that he does not calm down being carried, I don't hold him. I just dare her to watch him scream for hours like I do. Ugh. She said this in front of everyone too, so embarrassing.
There's always going to be someone to judge you no matter what you do with your baby. For that matter, I'll never let anyone make me feel bad for giving my baby too much love and affection (not saying you felt bad). That woman has no idea what you've been through with that baby and doesn't know a lick about what she's talking about. We "spoil" Emma too and she's not the least bit colicky. I'd have had a hard time not snapping at someone who told me my loving parenting style is making my baby cranky. That's just RUDE! I hope you aren't feeling pressured to stop holding him so much. Emma is in our arms most of the day except for the little bits of floor time she gets. I even wear her for most of her naps when she's with me. It's also OK if you don't want to do that, but don't let other moms and grandmas tell you its wrong either way. You're doing a great job with that sweet little fussbucket.
I completely agree with Joan. No matter what you do, someone is going to judge you for it. Don't pick him up and let him cry? Someone will think you're "cruel." Pick him up, and you're spoiling him. It's a game you can't win. T didn't walk until he was 17 mos old, and I was worried sick about it, and DH's grandma made me feel even worse by telling me it was because I picked him up and carried him too much. His dr was like "uhhhhh...no."
I also think that people who say "you're holding him too much" either haven't had a colicky baby or have (somehow) forgotten what it's like. When you have a colicky baby, you just do what works so you can all survive the day with your sanity intact. People that don't get that can seriously kick rocks. I have no patience for their judgements.
You are a loving mom that is doing a great job with an adorable but tough little guy. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you're doing. You're doing great.
I don't think it would have bothered me much if she just said it to me, but it was kind of embarrassing that she said it in front of everyone. She is very opinionated and sometimes its funny. She reminds me of the grandmother on Downton Abbey.
I had a colicky baby too so can relate... my go-to answer for Judgy McJudgertons is:
"You know, as mothers we all do what we think is best for our kids. The one thing I've really learned from being a new mom is not to judge mothers for what they do unless you've been in their shoes."
Served with a nice smile that usually shuts them up :)