I'm getting more and more freaked out as my due date approaches. Am I worried about having a newborn to care for that cries all the time? Nope. Am I worried about how tiny she's going to be? Nope. Am I worried that DH won't be a good dad or I won't be a good mom? Nope.
I'm seriously seriously seriously starting to panic about LABOR. I know it can come any day and every time I feel a weird twinge or a new pain, I tense up waiting for my water to break or a contraction to hit or something. (I haven't had any "real" contractions, and if I've had BH, then I wasn't sure that's what they were.)
I think she's dropped as my pelvic region hurts. (And, does it feel like you've done 1000 sit ups non-stop when you get up from bed? I'm like...ow ow ow ow ow ow.) But I'm worried about
1. Getting to the hospital. I've heard so many varying things and being positive for GBS, they want me to come in earlier so I can get anti-biotics started. But that bothers me because how am I supposed to know if it's like...labor contractions or something else? I seriously hope I'm one of those who's water breaks, because that means it's coming. HOWEVER, if my water breaks the nurse said that contractions could come right then and be hard and fast or they could come a little later - giving me enough time to get to the hospital. DH works an hour away, then it'd be another 30-45 minutes BACK to the hospital and they don't want me to labor that long at home with out the anti-biotics. They said labor MAYBE about 45 minutes with contractions 5-8 minutes apart before I come in. I'd be having to leave as soon as the contractions start. This whole timing thing is really messed up. Plus, DH is in a hole in a boat a lot - he won't have service. I can't wait for DH to get here if I can't get ahold of him. Yes, there's a hospital 2 minutes down the road, but I really really want to try to avoid that one.
2. How fast it's going to go. I don't want to be in labor forever (my mom was in labor for almost two days with my brother, but I almost came out in the car!) but I don't want it to be so hard and fast that I don't remember a lot of it. Which is kind of stupid, I don't really WANT to remember being in labor, but on the other hand I kind of do.
3. The actual labor. I'm a huge wimp. How the heck am I going to do something that causes me pain? I know everyone says it'll be worth it - but that's afterwards.
4. Work. Yes, this is a stupid one. But my "relief" messed up a lot on Thursday when I took the day off to go see my moms so she's back in training with me two days this coming up week. I'm not real concerned about the actual "work" - my job is day to day, nothing really sits around needing to be done. But, I'm worried about her not going in...or being late.. or whatever. Plus, I have the only key for the door. I can't leave it there because loss prevention would have a cow.
Everytime I realize just *how* close I am to having her - I have a mild panic session and try to think of something else. LOL. I. Am. So. Scared.