So, my half brother, Stevie, sent me a text today asking for money. Before I go on - for those of you who don't know - Stevie and I have different dads. I've had custody of him since he was 12 and he's now 20, so he's been with me 8 years. Our mom and his dad are still around, but Stevie didn't want to live with either of them (his dad neglected him and our mom's boyfriend and him didn't get along).
Okay, fast forward a few years - I got married to my first husband and me and Stevie spent a lot of time hanging out because I grew to hate my first husband and hanging out with Stevie got my mind off of it.
Fast forward again - I met my current husband and he started living with me. He got along with Stevie fine at first, but then he saw what Stevie was. He's lazy and selfish and disrespectful, so he and Tim didn't get along much after that. When I found out I was pregnant the 2nd time with the ectopic, Stevie stayed home with me most days to make sure I was okay (I was in a lot of pain.) We've always been really close (me and Stevie). Well, Tim and I got married. We moved into this house and I got pregnant, like...immediately. And POOF, Stevie turns into a major @$$ hole. He says that I'm gonna just ignore him and only think about the baby....and my life revolves around Tim now and he feels neglected. Stevie NEVER comes home...he's always out with his friends. He does work, but..even still, he just...never comes home.
So anyway, he texts me today asking for money. My blood pressure went up immediately. The boy doesn't come home, doesn't help around the house, tells me I only think of Tim and the baby and he wants MONEY??? I don't have any today anyway, I spent alot this week on bills. (Rent, mainly). I told him that and he's like, that's funny because you have a new TV in your room. Okay, One, that means he has come home, but he comes home when me and Tim are at work. and two, a new TV? That TV is my MIL's TV and Tim brought it home to see if he could fix it. Then Stevie threw in there that Tim bought a lot of stuff at Walmart for his hunting trip. Yes, Tim bought some stuff but he also worked THIRTY HOURS of overtime last week!! He's allowed to go buy something for himself. For 20 minutes, I was getting hate message after hate message about how me and Tim buy all this stuff for ourselves but when he needs food (FOOD??? EAT AT HOME LIKE WE DO!!!) or gas, I always tell him I'm broke. Finally I had enough. I asked if he was moving out for good (since he hasn't been here in two weeks atleast) and he said yes. I said okay, get your stuff out and leave the key...but not 'til next month. See, he pays rent. not much but every little bit helps and since he's in school, I still get child support from his dad. I know me and DH will struggle with money - we live paycheck to paycheck already and I'm gonna be losing almost 500 dollars a month. But, part of me ...is so ...friggin...glad...he's...leaving! But part of me is super sad...
Aww, Jess. I'm so sorry.. it's a tough situation.. but he needs to learn the hard way. He can't treat you that way either. Maybe he will realize it and you two can start having a better relationship soon. Like you said, it's sad but it may be better for you.. especially on your nerves. Hoping for the best!
Sounds like he needs to grow up and realize what it's like to have to take care of all of these things himself. It's none of his business how you guys use your money either. Once he's a bit more mature, he'll appreciate everything you've done for him and he'll see what a jerk he's been. I'm sorry though!! FYI, my 23 year old BIL lives with us, so I somewhat sympathize.
I was in a situation similar to this with my little brother a few years back,he also had issues with getting his portion of the rent on time, complaining that I made him watch DS all the time (maybe once did he watch him for fifteen minutes)and he was taking my car without asking and had it gone one day at 3 am when I needed to get to work by 4 am. I kicked his butt out after that incident.
It will take a while but eventually he will see that living with you wasn't so bad, and you will get back to a proper sister/brother relationship, not a mooching complainer type.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My cousin is the same exact way and my aunt and uncle literally moved to FL and left him behind. They couldn't take it anymore. Now he leaches off my other aunt because he never has money, doesn't have food, etc. I think there are some people that just never learn what it is to be responsible and he has to learn the hard way. He is used to getting what he wants, he is old enough to make a living and pay his own bills. It will hurt but you have to just let go until he comes around.
Jess, I responded on the other thread, but I wanted to give you another hug here.
I agree with the PPs; I think once he has been living out on his own for a little bit and sees how the real world works for adults (you work, you pay your own bills, you take care of yourself, et cetera) then he will hopefully appreciate everything you have done for him. It sucks right now, but hopefully in a little while you will have a better relationship than you have now.
-Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)
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