Speaking of nosy people...

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eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2438
Speaking of nosy people...

I work in a small office building full of architects and landscape architects. My firm shares some projects with the firm across the hall and I went over there to ask a question about my project and one of the girls there starts questioning how my pregnancy is going and whatnot. She has 2 kids, age 2 and 5.

And then she asks how long my maternity leave is and what Im planning to do for childcare (I barely know this gal). So I tell her I have 12 weeks off and then Im doing daycare at the hospital across the street and that I was excited to get a spot so close so I can nurse the baby on my lunch breaks.

Well she just outright says "I am really really really against putting a 3 month old in daycare." 3 reallys?! She continues by saying that I should hire a nanny if I can afford it, bc daycares wont properly care for an infant that young.

Normally I listen, smile and try to keep my eyes from rolling. But she played this one very personal saying they wont do this, they wont do that, your baby will cry every second youre not there...yada yada yada. She painted a very nasty picture. I was a bit emotional and started to tear up...so finally she stopped.

I have visited the daycare 2x and I really thought it was nice and the ladies were nice...how awful for her to try to change my mind. I cant afford a nanny and I cant afford to stay home. People should realize that everyones situation is different and leave them alone about their hard-to-make, yet well informed decision.

I told my friend ex-coworker what the girl said and my ex-co worker said I should grill her next time about why she had 2 elective c-sections. That made me giggle a little. Im not that mean..I stay out of peoples business. Apparently she gave my co-worker the same daycare speech.

Anyways, sorry to vent. It just upset me.

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

:lurk:

I would tell her that the #2 person (behind the secretary) a man leaves his wife for is the nanny. Then ask her how her marriage is.

Seriously, who is this lady? A nanny can neglect, harm, and so on, a kid easier than a daycare because A) they are alone with the kid the majoruty of the time and Dirol they arent regulated or checked up on the way a licensed daycare is. Not to start fear mongering against nannies, but seriously, thischick needs to slow her role. Yes, there are good and bad daycares out there, and there are pluses and minuses, just like with anything in life. It sounds like youve done your research, and have made the best decision for your child and family. In the end thats what matters.

Dont let her get to you. Opinions are like... Well, you know Wink

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2438

Yes I agree with you on the nanny thing. We considered it, even though they are very expensive in our area. But ultimately DH and I decided that a nanny wasn't for us, they aren't regulated as much and if the nanny got sick what would we do, and I didn't like the idea of my baby being in someone else's car if they had to go somewhere for any reason. I have a friend that is a part time nanny and she is great, but it wasn't the decision for us.

DrakePlusOne's picture
Joined: 06/29/09
Posts: 1889

:lurk: too
Here here, Kier!

I just wanted to share that I had my first son taken care of by a personal one-on-one sitter and was very off put by the expierence. I then took him to a daycare and found it to be wonderful! By state law, a daycare upholds standards in curriculum and nutrition. I just found the routine they provided much more reassuring and the fact that multiple eyes and ears were on my son. Of course, there will always be bad examples of daycares as well, but if you've researched this one and feel good about it, don't let this dingbat make you feel any different. (((Hugs)))

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

MY GOD!!! Listen, we our in the same boat. Our baby will be going to daycare because I am not a big fan of nannies. I have to know that person very very well before I leave my child with her. The daycare where he or she will go is where DD went to school and I know them well so I'm comfortable with them.

You hear the same amount of stories from nannies, and actually worse ones half the time. I think she should mine her business especially if she is not even your friend. What nerve!!!

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

I seriously do not know what gets into people. I agree with everyone else. There are pros and cons to daycare centers just like there are pros and cons to nannies and to in home daycare. But at the end of the day, all of them can be great or bad. There are great day care centers and bad day care centers, great nannies and bad nannies, great in-home daycare providers and bad in-home daycare providers. The trick is to do your research, which it sounds like you have done. I just can't even imagine feeling like it was my business to put down another mother's (perfectly legitimate) decision. It would be one thing if you told her you were planning on rolling down the windows and leaving your baby in your car all day or something. Lol But day care centers are a totally legit option, so the whole thing just smacks of "mommy wars" to me. Bleh. Ignore her.

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

Ditto to what all the others have said. If you have done your research and you feel comfortable with your choice, then she should not try to make you feel guilty at all. I think one of the worst childcare gone wrong stories I heard in the news recently was about a nanny. I hate for women to criticize the child care choices of others-everyone has their own unique situation and resources that they have to make work for them. I feel bad that I can't be a stay at home mom and take care of my daughter myself all the time, but honestly, she LOVES going to daycare. I was home sick last week and I had my DH take her to daycare while he was out since I needed to be able to rest. She wasn't even sad to leave me, she was all excited to be going to daycare. I think it is awesome that your daycare is just across the street so you can nurse on your lunchbreaks. That's extra bonding time you wouldn't get if you live too far away to go home to a nanny at lunch, (plus less pumping which is always good, lol!)

crazy j's picture
Joined: 10/08/07
Posts: 1162

Wow, what is wrong with people?? This lady needs to mind her own business! It's hard enough having to make these decisions without people judging you.

tori729's picture
Joined: 07/23/07
Posts: 1743

Wow, that's just plain annoying. Really. I think it's great that you've found a place so close to where you work! (That's what I would have said to you.) And even though daycare/me working is not the choice that I have made for my family, who am I to judge what's best for yours?!?!
(FWIW, I have heard that in-home day cares are great but the fact that it's right across from your work trumps most other alternatives.)
I really can't believe people can be so mean!

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

"Cherrychip" wrote:

Ditto to what all the others have said. If you have done your research and you feel comfortable with your choice, then she should not try to make you feel guilty at all. I think one of the worst childcare gone wrong stories I heard in the news recently was about a nanny. I hate for women to criticize the child care choices of others-everyone has their own unique situation and resources that they have to make work for them. I feel bad that I can't be a stay at home mom and take care of my daughter myself all the time, but honestly, she LOVES going to daycare. I was home sick last week and I had my DH take her to daycare while he was out since I needed to be able to rest. She wasn't even sad to leave me, she was all excited to be going to daycare. I think it is awesome that your daycare is just across the street so you can nurse on your lunchbreaks. That's extra bonding time you wouldn't get if you live too far away to go home to a nanny at lunch, (plus less pumping which is always good, lol!)

This is my experience as well. T loves going to daycare because his friends are there and he has kids to play with.

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2438

Thanks for all the replies ladies. I do feel like I made the best decision possible. I was very interested in At-home daycare, but unfortunately there are not many good options that are close to me and yes I searched my State's website. The only one I found that is even relatively close to me is all booked up and one of her kid's mom's is due around the same time as me and that infant gets first priority.

The daycare I'm going to is part of a hospital and 95% of the kids that attend have parents who work in the hospital. It was very clean, the cleanest I've seen....I toured 5 daycares and 1 at-home daycare. They have a sick room and a nursing room with really comfy furniture. It has a lot of natural light and they allow cloth diapering. So pluses all the way around. My friend actually got a job with the hospital and is now sending her 1 year old to the same daycare. So she starts in a couple of weeks and I will see how it goes with them. Plus she said if I ever needed emergency pick-up, she'd do it for me, since she will be getting off at 4pm. So there's another plus.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

Elilzabeth - It sounds like it has a lot of great features going for it. Being close enough to nurse on lunch, having a friend who can pick up your child if necessary, clean, comfy, sounds awesome! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your choice.

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